What's her mistake ? - 8

I decided to contact my classmate, the third son of Nammu Aunty.

The oncologist was very clear. He wanted the eldest son’s contact number.

“I have to talk with him. It is very important” had said he.

I called up the third son who is in Chennai.

It was after a long wait, he came on the line. He was very curt and to the point. He did not bother to reply when I asked how you are and worse, he did not ask about his mother. Do these people have no emotions or are they so stuck up with their own wife and kids that they have forgotten the woman who gave birth to them?

I asked him to give the number of his eldest brother.

“Why do you want it?” was his terse question.

I got angry. I raised my voice and said, “I want it because he needs to sign a document”

“You tell me what it is?” His voice was laced with suspicion.

I had to fib. I thought fast and started telling. The words rolled over each other to come out fast. But my lie was caught by him.

“Sorry, I can’t give you. You are not clearly telling why you want his number” and the line went dead.

I looked at the receiver with dismay and disconnected. It was a cyber-center with computers from where I had made the call.

I now got wild. Does he really think that I can’t get his brother’s number just because he can’t give?

I went inside and logged on to the Internet. Google can throw out information about almost anything!

I went into the Rourkela city and the factory the first son was working. After some jugglery I could find the phone number of the department he was working. I remembered that he had mentioned about it sometime ago.

The HRD of any company would know the names and contact numbers of the employees. So, finally I got the number of Nammu Aunty’s first son.

I called up the Oncologist and he was remembering me! That’s great I thought and gave him Nammu Aunty’s first son’s number.

He told me to come on the fourth day alone. I was supposed to take Nammu Aunty on the sixth day.

So, I went to meet the oncologist the day he asked me to meet with him.

He invited me to the room and I sat in front of him.

“What do these children think? Do they feel they can throw their parents out the moment they are independent?” His voice had an edge.

He was trying to control his emotions. The oncologist’s face was clouded.

I just waited since I could see he was about to speak.

“My mother was diagnosed with blood cancer and I could not save her even with all the modern equipment and I being an oncologist” he was very sad.

I watched him not knowing what to talk. But he had continued talking.

“So, whenever I see a patient I become much attached. I cannot accept the behavior of your Aunty’s children. How callous one can be? So, I decided to teach them a lesson”

I started wondering what he has done.

“My classmate who is also a close friend happens to be the resident doctor in the Rourkela factory where the first son is working. So, I called your Aunty’s son and put a fear in him... so...” He now smiled and showed me a bank statement on his computer screen. “You see, the fear worked and the sons have agreed to shell out money to treat their mother”

“Sir, you said sons?”

“Yes!” he was very triumphant. “Funnily fear works very well with our people. All the three sons have contributed for their mother’s treatment. And they are going to pay for further treatment also” He continued. “I know what I did was not ethical by any standards. But here we have a human life at stake and she deserves better than what she has now”

I just looked at him admiringly. Now, Nammu Aunty can have her treatment without any problem.

I wanted to know the chances of her being better. So I asked the oncologist.

I could not hold my tears back when he told about Nammu Aunty’s present condition.  

What's her mistake ? - 7

The oncologist looked sharply at her. But Nammu Aunty was looking somewhere else. He then looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I could only shrug my shoulders. He took his subscription pad and jotted something and said “Could you give this to my junior who is in the next room?”

I got up and walked out of the room. Nammu Aunty was still looking the blue sky with white clouds which were being seen through the window.

I went to the next room and handed over the sheet to the junior. The junior was a girl of about 24 years. May be she was an intern.

She read the paper and asked “What is this?”

I dumbly looked at her and read the paper given by the oncologist. I had the following words.

‘I want to speak with you alone about your Aunty. You better come back when she is sent for tests’

I grinned at the girl sheepishly and came back.

The Oncologist was giving some instructions to Nammu Aunty. She was listening to him attentively and nodding her head.

“Oh, you have come! Please take her to the lab and get all the tests I have mentioned. Few tests have to be conducted on the empty stomach. I suggest you come tomorrow” he said.

His tone was so firm that I too could only nod.

I took Nammu Aunty to the lab. At the doorstep she asked, “How much for these tests Sonny?”

I had no idea and said so.

“Do you know what I think? I don’t want to undergo all these tests. Whatever the God has destined is going to happen to me. When that is so, why go through these?” Nammu Aunty was mentioning it in a low tone.

“The same God has told that we should put our efforts and then leave the result to the God” the words came from behind us and we saw the oncologist standing there and talking.

Nammu Aunty had no other chance of talking and she went into the lab. The oncologist made me stand there only and he went inside.

After what seemed like an eternity, he came out and asked me “Come!” with such a command in his voice that I just followed him to his room.

He sat in his seat and I sat in the chair opposite.

“What is her relation with you?” He asked.

I said, I know her from my childhood. A kindly soul who used to feed me during my struggling days.

“Where is the family she was mentioning?”

I came out with the whole story. Her sons, the daughters-in-law, the daughter, the son-in-law, the grand children, the untimely sad demise of her husband.

He was listening to the whole thing with rapt attention.

“Ohho, she was telling the truth when she mentioned that she has a big family!” exclaimed the oncologist and then sat thinking for quite some time.

Finally he opened his eyes and said, “I want to you to do something....” he started and went on telling me what he wanted me to carry out.

I was not very comfortable. I still had no idea why the oncologist is asking all these details. But I had a feeling that he meant good of Nammu Aunty.

I went back to the lab. Nammu Aunty was waiting for the last test to be conducted.

After it was done, I took her home in an auto.

She said while getting down, “Do I have to undergo some more tests?”

“Yes Aunty. We have to get it done. You saw how the oncologist made his point clear?”

“All right then. I hope you don’t have problem in taking me tomorrow? If you have a problem, then I will go alone”

I told her that I can’t get leave. She has to go alone. I requested the auto driver to take her in the morning. After fixing the time of departure, I left in the auto to my home which was in the next road.

I told the auto driver not to take money from Aunty and I paid him in advance.

Taken care of that, I now wondered how to take forward the suggestion given by the oncologist.

What's her mistake ? - 6

The Oncological Institute was a huge complex. I entered with Nammu Aunty after two days. I did not tell  her. But I applied leave and took her.

On the way to the hospital she did not speak. Her face was as if it was made of stone. I could not understand what were her thoughts.

Is she feeling bad? Is she feeling sad? Is she regretting that she is not with at least one of her children? Or is she relieved that she is alone and she is not giving any trouble to any of her children?

Somehow I did not dare to ask. There is not much to ask as well.

I think I know Nammu Aunty. When uncle and herself were well enough they did not go to any of the children (or is it because they did not get invitation from any of the children?), I could not imagine that she would try to call one of her sons (daughter is too far, so at least  presently it is ruled out) and go to stay with them?

She has too much self-esteem to reach for her children herself. On the other hand, I never feel that her sons are so ‘bold’ and invite their mother against the wishes of their wives.

We walked along the corridors to reach the consultation room of the Oncologist suggested by the general physician.

I could see many people on the way. Some of them sad, some of them melancholic, some of them very despondent. Oh God! Is this the place where the human beings lose their hopes about life? Is it that cruel, this cancer?

Breast cancer, blood cancer, pancreas cancer, tongue cancer, lung cancer, intestinal cancer.. I do know what other cancers are lurking somewhere to jump on someone and make them lose hope, life in that order?

I stole a glace towards Nammu Aunty. Still there was no expression on her face, even after seeing so many patients, patiently waiting for the doctors (or are they awaiting the ultimate death?).

I tried to touch her right hand which was on the arm rest of the chair next to me. She smiled her the usual affectionate smile and slowly pushed my hand away.

‘Please let me battle with my cancer myself. I don’t need anyone’s compassion’ – is she saying that? I could not help wondering.

Finally our turn came. The oncologist was about 50 years and self-confidence was oozing out of his face. In fact, I somehow started feeling that he is going to cure Nammu Aunty’s cancer and she should be fine very shortly.

When we went inside and sat in front of him, I handed over the reports and the letter from the general physician.

I started building hopes that Nammu Aunty’s case need not be as worse as the general physician made out. After all he is not the authority (with due respects to his education and experience) as far as the cancer severity in Nammu Aunty and the curing process is concerned. After all, here we are, sitting in front of one of the best oncologists of India (this was also told by the general physician), awaiting his opinion about the reports.

In fact, my hopes of Nammu Aunty’s betterment started growing moment by moment. But the ears were all attention to listen to what he was about to say.

After what seemed an eternity, he looked at me and Nammu Aunty.

“Amma, who are all at your home?” was the first question he uttered.

It was a very pleasant voice. I could see Nammu Aunty suddenly being very attentive. It was a hypnotic voice which could make you forget the whole world.  He was even looking very good for his 50 years. Trim body, a frame which was not lean, but not thick too. Kind eyes, long nose, salt and pepper hair... he was a good looking doctor who could make the patient forget about his/her problems.

A very good attribute a doctor should have. Especially when dealing with a fatal disease like cancer.

“I have a big family doctor. I am doing fine” was Nammu Aunty’s reply.

I was stunned.

Why is she saying like that?

What's her mistake ? - 5

I got down the auto, paid the driver apologizing for cutting down my journey. He understood and left.

I went and knocked the door of Nammu Aunty’s house. I need not have worried. She had never bolted the door from inside. It is almost that she was waiting for me to come to meet with her!

I went and sat on the mat she had spread. She stood in front of me leaning on the opposite wall and looked at me enquiringly. That made me blurt out the whole thing in such a speed that she blinked at me, then smiled and sat next to me.

Her right hand patted my left cheek twice. She asked quietly, “Can you tell me slowly and clearly? I thought you have learnt a new language and never taught me!” and there was a twinkle in her eyes.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I could not stop crying. My stomach moved in and out and I tried hard to control.

Nammu Aunty is the closest of a mother for me. I always was proud of me thinking that I am very detached. I won’t get moved by anything in this world. I am like a rock.

But what am I doing? I broke down like a weakling in front of the person to whom I am not supposed to tell her present condition.

“Sonny, I have cancer. Is that what you are trying to avoid telling me?”

It hit me like nails driven into my skin.

She got up, got a tumbler of water and gave to me.

She sat again, this time in front of me.

“Let us not beat around the bush. Please let me know what is happening so that I will get mentally prepared”, her words were very crystal clear.

That was the moment it struck me! If there is any chance of a miraculous cure, it is now! We have to act fast so that we can save this nice lady!!

I told her that she has tongue cancer. She took it quite coolly. Too cool for my comfort! Is she shocked inside and trying to look calm?

“You spoke to a cancer specialist in the auto?”

I nodded my head and said “Oncologist”

“Ok then, make an appointment with the Onco...logist. But only when you are free”

I nodded and mentally made a check on which day is suitable out of the days given by the oncologist over phone.

I fixed the date once again speaking with the oncologist. It looked as if the general physician is a close friend of the oncologist.

“Will you drink some milk?” asked Nammu Aunty.

I said no. She looked at me affectionately and said “Come on Sunny. Just because you refuse to drink milk, I won’t be cured today itself. It takes time. Let the onco..logist ... oh, you did not teach this word to me sonny! I am unable to pronounce it properly” she laughed.

Her infectious laugh made me smile. Now I was feeling a little better.

“Nammu Aunty, I love the way you prepare rasam. Can I get a tumbler of rasam please? Haan, if you don’t have enough for the night, then I don’t want” I said categorically.

“I have enough, don’t worry” she said and gave me a glass of rasam.

Oh, it is so tasty! Who will give me such a rasam later? I cursed myself for thinking of a time when Nammu Aunty is no more.

May be the oncologist will find that there is a very easy way to cure Nammu Aunty. I am sure he will find out some method to make Nammu Aunty free of her problem.

He did help her, and not in any of the the ways I ever imagined!

What's her mistake ? - 4

It was not known suddenly.

I was watching her for quite some time. She was becoming thinner and thinner. As such she was not a heavy lady. I was always thinking that due to the less food she was consuming, she was looking thin. But the cheek bones became very prominent.

I forced her to come with me to the general physician. She was not at all ready. “Sonny, I am not eating properly. That is why I am like this. Do you know? My stomach has become so full that I don’t get hungry” she laughingly said.

I could see the worry in the eyes of the doctor. He made her sit in the waiting room and called me inside.

“Does she have any children? Is she with them?” asked the doctor removing his glasses and polishing it with his handkerchief.

“She has 3 sons and a daughter” I told.

“But she looks as if she has not been fed well. Is she not with any one of them?” he asked with a serious tone.

“Doctor saab! She is alone here....” I started and gave a brief sketch her life story.

The doctor was aghast. “What the children are thinking? Do we get the mother back once we lose? Leave out the daughter. May be she is having some problem. You say the sons are all well-educated and are in good jobs?” he asked.

I found that his voice was rising and I shushed him. I did not want Nammu Aunty to hear the words.

“But why should we hide the disease details from the patient herself? It is a gross injustice. She has to know. There is an old saying that the family things should be secretive, but the disease should be known. But nowadays people are doing exactly the opposite. They fight so loudly that the whole world would come to know about the family’s secrets. On the other hand they hide the disease and suffer more!” I was surprised by the long speech of doctor.

I decided to tell Nammu Aunty.

Doctor had something more to say. “Look! I did not have a mother ever since I was born. To see a mother suffering alone is making me feel sick. ”He stopped to take a short breath and continued. “I know an oncologist in the Oncological Institute. He was my classmate from my high school days to MBBS. He will take special care of your Aunty” He sat down and scribbled a few lines in his prescription pad and handed over to me. “Here, take this. Take her to the Institute. The doctor will tell you what to do next”

I thanked him and left with Nammu Aunty.

“What has happened to me? You spent so much time with the doctor?” asked Nammu Aunty when we got settled in an auto.

“Aunty, you have cancer. Tongue cancer”

She was looking at me with a question on her face.

Did she not hear what I told? I wondered.

Then I realized that I had never uttered those words. The doctor’s words were ringing in my ears. I knew I had to tell her. But I found that my tongue had gone dry.

“I think he wants a second opinion Aunty. He asked me to take you to another doctor. I will take you tomorrow. What time is suitable for you?”

She smiled. What a beautiful smile! The whole bag of affection was being poured on me, I felt. I too, am a loner. I do not have a father or mother. Both of them are dead and gone long ago.

“My dear sonny, you are the one who has to go for work. You have applied leave today and come to take me to the doctor. So, you tell me when you want to take me?” she asked. I told a suitable time for which she agreed.

Her place was nearing.

I looked up the mobile number of the oncologist and told in very little words about what the general physician has told. I was hoping against hope that Nammu Aunty was not able to understand since I was speaking in English.

The auto stopped near her house. She got down the auto.

She just looked at me and went towards her house without a word.

At that moment, it struck me.

Nammu Aunty had learnt English from me a few months ago!!

What's her mistake ? - 3

I felt very bad for Nammu Aunty because she was very fond of her children. For that matter, she loves any child she meets. When it comes to her daughter, she is a little partial! Once When I teased her, her reply was “Look sonny, sons are with me. But my daughter is so away from me. Even if she was in India, I would have loved her more because she is now part of some other family”

So, this led to the worst situation.

When the son in law lost the job, the daughter naturally called her mother. Nammu Aunty, who has a soft corner for any one in trouble, took the decision of helping her daughter. She sent her savings which was quite a big amount.

This was known to the sons because she tried to get money from her three sons. She implored her sons to help their sister. But she should have known earlier itself. The sons had become puppets in their wives hands. They declined to shell out their money. Of course, the reasons for not giving money were quite different. It projected as if they were helpless and could not help their sister.

Nammu Aunty did the next best thing. She asked her husband who told, “What is the money’s worth, if it can’t help our daughter who is in dire need of money?”

So, the money went to the daughter and Nammu Aunty earned the wrath of her sons.

Now, Nammu Aunty and uncle had nothing. The jewels had long ago gone. Now the savings. The couple became literally broke.

Adding insult to injury is the accidental death of Nammu Aunty’s husband. This was a very big setback in her life. She had no money. No place to go. She was asked to vacate the rented house they were living.
I took the onus of caller her sons asking about their mother's stay with them. The third son told on behalf of his elder brothers that they can't take their mother immediately. May be next year. or when they have more space when they shift etc., I need not call the other two brothers because the reply will be the same etc.,
This put Nammu Aunty in a fix. I felt very sad that I could not keep her with me. I was in a room and there were 3 more people with whom I was sharing the room.

She said “Don’t bother” and packed her things.

Her husband’s brother’s son who performed the last rites gave her a place to stay. He had a house which had a small room and an attached bath.

Nammu Aunty did not hesitate to start living there. I visited her in her new place.

She seemed to be very happy. Actually, it was not a great place. She had a room which was about 10 feet by 12 feet and a toilet cum bathroom. She had set her kitchen at one end of the room.

I felt very bad and expressed so. “What is wrong with this sonny? See, I have a kitchen in which I prepare rice and rasam. I get quarter liter milk. I use to make buttermilk. I have a nice washing line outside the house. I don’t have any big number of clothes. I am fine. My husband’s brother’s son is very helpful. He does not want any money from me for this” said Nammu Aunty smiling.

I did not have the heart to tell her that I was paying that guy monthly rent. I had strictly warned him to say that it is free for her.

Well, it went on for some months. I was really feeling very bad. How can people be so bad? Especially the sons who owe her the loan of affection? She does not actually demand it. But does she not have a right to be with her sons? It is almost like the Western culture. There I believe the kids won’t stay with the mother. Mother is an epitome of strength.

Here we have a mother who is so fragile and craving for her sons. But they do not want her. I have a question for the daughters in law. Don’t they have a mother each? Will they treat their mothers like that?

But Nammu Aunty did not seem to bother about her discomforts. But the fate had another cruel attack on her.

She was diagnosed with cancer!

What's her mistake ? - 2

It was a pathetic scene to watch. But somehow Nammu Aunty took courage. She braved to speak to her children. I helped her in getting connected to her children. Funnily, each one of them said that they have some meeting, urgent work and not being able to move due to illness. The daughter was very eager to come, but she had the problem of some bomb scare and the flights being cancelled. The ultimate result was that none of Nammu Aunty’s children turned up. It was uncle’s elder brother’s son (whose mother had passed away) who did the last rites.

When someone questioned about her children’s absence, Nammu Aunty defended, “They all were very eager to come. But they all had problems. It is not like my husband was ill and was counting his last days. Then we could have told all the children to come for seeing his face. But now they have genuine problems. So why blame the poor kids?”

But I came to know from the third son who was close to me during school days that all the sons had invented some bunkum stories not to attend the funeral. I started wondering, ‘Did they not like their father? Is that why they did not make it?’ I do not know how he became close to me and he became distant from me after his marriage. But he found me as the medium to express his real feelings. I was almost like a punching bag for him.

The three sons were close to each other. Though their wives did not like each other very much, they were united when it came to treating of their in-laws.

I later came to know the bitter truth. Since your father has not done anything to us, why go? Anyway his favorite daughter is there. Is she not the one who took away all the jewels of your mother? – These words were in some form or the other by the daughters in law.

I know how the marriage of Nammu Aunty’s daughter took place. The marriage was very simple. The boy was also a very friendly person. He insisted that he does not want any money from the girl’s side. But uncle was keen to have a big reception. Everything was going smoothly. Out of the blue, the boy’s elder brother, who was expected to attend the wedding from Chennai, came in with blood oozing out of his head. It was a horrible scene to watch. He was pursued by 2 rowdies. They wanted some big amount of money immediately. To save his other son, the boy’s father was desperate. Nammu Aunty, who was a mute witness to the whole scene removed all her jewels and tied them in  a small towel and handed over to the boy’s father. The thank you look on the boy’s father told Nammu Aunty that she did not make any mistake.

But the mistake had been committed from the point of view of the daughters in law. They all had come to the wedding. The three girls started cursing their mother in law and the hatred grew as the time passed.

They restricted their husbands from contacting their parents. There was no communication for quite some time. Nammu Aunty was feeling bad whenever she got news that she got a new grandchild. The three sons behaved like cowards. Their argument was, wives and kids are their future. Why go to the past and spoil the future?

Nammu Aunty and uncle were not happy. But they still tried to believe that the sons are too busy to meet with them all, though in the heart of hearts they knew their kids have deserted them.

But daughter was not like that, was their satisfaction.

But suddenly, there came a bolt from the blue. The son in law became jobless in the USA.

Daughter was in doldrums. Nammu Aunty took a hard decision to take care of her daughter’s plight.

This led to more distance from her sons!

What's her mistake? - 1

Whenever I see her I wonder. What does she has to live in this world? Please don’t get me wrong. I am not here to advocate about suicide of single persons! Then at least world’s  33% population would be reduced.

I was only referring to the loneliness that woman is facing. I call her Nammu Aunty.  Being alone is different and loneliness is an entirely different animal. Many people love to have solitude.  They would rather stay alone than being among people. But Nammu Aunty is different. She was in a family full of people. She, her husband, 3 sons and a daughter. That was once upon a time.

First shock she got was when her husband passed away. All her children were married before the death of her husband.

She stays near my home. Her first son is in Rourkela Steel Plant. The second is in Jaisalmer. The third is in Chennai. The daughter is in the USA.

As long as her husband was alive she was fine. He took good care of her. The daughters-in-law, somehow, avoided inviting their father in law and mother in law to their homes. The husbands were so henpecked that they did not bother to overrule  their wives’ wishes! (They were afraid of their respective wives could be a better way of saying this!)

The daughter is affectionate. But the husband is not keen on having his in laws at his home in the US of A. The reason was simple. They did not have a great life.  Being in America does not mean that the life would be great. (I came to know this through a common friend and I did not have the heart to tell it to Nammu Aunty)

If life is so simple and happy, it is not called life! Right? Out of the blue, Nammu Aunty faced a mammoth problem.

Nammu Aunty’s husband was not sick. He was fit as a fiddle for his 65 years. He was getting pension from the Government.  He was fond of a tree planted outside his house but inside his compound wall. 

He had told me one day, “Look, the owner of the house has planted a neem tree in front of the house and has even built a small ledge around it. The air is very healthy. So, l sit here and read newspaper from the Masthead to the last word on the last page”

“But uncle, when you have your own house, you could have a tree like this” was my reply.

He laughed and said “I have 4 children. I have given them the education. I got them good spouses. Can’t they take care of us during our old age? After all it is their duty”

Nammu Aunty added her words “See, he thinks as if he has given loan to them and they have to repay is what he thinks”

But the same neem tree became the death trap for Nammu Aunty’s husband. As usual he was reading the newspaper sitting on the ledge in front of the neem tree. The next door neighbour was rebuilding his house.  Uncle was so engrossed in the newspaper that he did not see a lorry full of bricks. The lorry driver could not control the lorry while reversing it. The lorry came very fast inside the compound of Nammu Aunty’s house breaking the compound. He could not stop it even then. The backdoor of the lorry suddenly opened and the bricks started falling. Uncle had got up in a hurry.  But being panicky  he was too shocked to move. He was smashed between the neem tree and the lorry ; the bricks fell in him with such a force that he died instantly there itself.

Thought for the day Twenty Nine

Getting married is easy; staying married is difficult; living happily married for a long time ranks among the fine arts

I had read it as the first line of a Telugu Novel. I have never ceased to wonder about the above lines. So true...

I have read one more which says marriage is a happy union of two good forgivers.

Isn’t it?

We go through our lives so many things before marriage. Some good; some bad; some are worth remembering; some utterly forgettable.

But once we are married, we take oath for a lifetime. DharmEcha, ArthEcha, kaamEcha, MOkshEcha.... in Dharma, in handling money, in controlling desire and even in salvation, we will put our steps together.. is the Hindu scripture’s saying.

So in the Hindu marriages, the bride and groom are made to chant these Mantras and made to go through seven important steps which form the initial steps of a long term legal relationship.

In Hindu families (I think in most of the Indian families of any caste) the parents stay with the sons and the daughters move to their in-laws’ place.

This being the case, the girl who comes to the household newly need to be given some extra time to get settled. She would have been very boisterous in her parents’ home. She is suddenly brought into a new household. She would be totally confused wondering how to behave. Probably she would even change her basic nature to get suited to the new place. She would be afraid of the in laws because of the notorious ‘fame’ they have. We see in the newspapers and TV, cases of bride’s death almost every other day. So, she treads very carefully.

Actually only one person she ‘knows’ better than others... her husband, with whom she has spent a little more than others... engagement period, honeymoon etc.,

A daughter in law is almost like a big tree which has grown for two decades plus time in some other soil. Now we have tried to plant it in our house’s soil. The small plants take less time to get accustomed to a new soil. But a tree? It takes more time. It needs more nurturing, more water and more care. Then the tree starts trusting the new soil and grows. It gives out flowers, fruits.

Same like a daughter in law, isn’t it?

Once they start trusting each other, the husband and wife undergo a lot of torture in the form of time spending. Marriage between two individuals becomes alliance between two families. Whether we like or not, we have to put up with the other’s relatives with whom the spouse is close. Even if there is dislike, the pretense of liking needs to be there. Otherwise, unnecessary skirmishes happen which give out place for bad blood.

This means that anyone can get married. But to stay with our individuality intact is a problem. But there are some fancies which we need to leave out. If the girl is ready to take two steps backward and change her style to suit the husband, he too has to take back a few steps.

Then the respect for each other increases. The love after marriage is the best medicine. Once the love starts blooming, the small lacunae get ignored.  Small mistakes are forgotten and big blunders are also forgiven (may not be forgotten!).

Marriage is an institution where the pair starts trusting each other more and more, depend on each other more and more, as they grow older.

All people are there, but it is the life partner who will come to the rescue whenever there is a problem.

I have written the following lines in one of the websites. I love the lines myself!

Marriage is like coffee. The decoction of adjustment, milk of compromise and sugar of understanding. When these three are blended in the right mix, you have great coffee, and you will have great marriage too.

A 'novel' idea

While traveling in the bus yesterday towards Koramangala (which took us little more than two hours to reach), I was wondering what to write in my blog. Thought for the day was written for more than 30 days which I am planning to turn it into a book in Kannada. Now should I continue writing the same or should I try something else? This question went on going rounds and rounds in my mind. It is easy to start anything. But sustenance is a problem. If I continue writing the thought for the day, somewhere I am bound to repeat. But whatever I write should not be boring to me at least!           

So I churned many ideas in my head (Mana Manthana is my blog’s name. Remember!!). First I thought I will continue writing the thought for the day (easy thing because not much of change in writing style!!). Then the second idea struck me. I have had so many interesting incidents in my life. Why not chronicle the incidents, if not in order, just write whichever is the most interesting and then come to the others and so on and so forth. Then I shot the idea off because, when it is from my own life, I have to take names. The incidents which I generally write could be the ones where I am the winner. This would definitely make the other person mentioned in the article feel bad. There was one more angle to this also. After all, I have not told many people that I write a blog. When that is the case, the person whom I mention in my article reading it would be the most unlikely thing. But remember, I don’t like to write with fictitious names when they are pages from my own book of life.

Then it struck me. Why not write a series of short stories? It could be a very small story which is running into 600+ words which would generally fit into my one day’s blog. Suppose the story is more than 600+ words, then make it into two day blog story. If it is more interesting? Then make it into more days. Once the story is completed, I could make it into a small novella. If the blog pages run more than 100 pages, then it is a novel!

All I have to do then is to re-write the same in Kannada language. The market for English language novels written by a non - Englishman is not very big. Only a few Rushdies, Roys, Lahiris and Adigas  make it. I am a small fry. I started writing my blog only to improve my English language. There is another selfish motive. My self-objective!

Funny, right? Self-objective and selfish motive. They sound alike. But have very different meanings in the opposite directions.

The best help I have got by writing the blog is the regularity which has come into my writing. I was reading a book on Writer’s therapy and also a book called Creative writing for Dummies. The books suggest one thing in common. Writing means real writing. Thinking of writing, plotting in the head are not writing. Each day 500 words before 11 am is what one of the books says.

But before 11 am is not possible for me. I do write whenever I feel like. Otherwise I do it by the end of the day by hook or crook!

Why not try the short stories? This question is bothering me from the past 24 hours. There are so many ideas in my head which I can’t bring it out as a novel. But they can become short stories and novellas.

Hope I can do justice! Wish me luck please!!

Thought for the day Twenty Eight

The world is a beautiful place to live. It has animals, plants, nature et al.

God has given every living being a very good sense of liking things. The animals like their partners, kids, food. The birds like the same. These two genres are elevated to a higher level than the insects. Probably insects’ life begins with birth, mating, laying eggs, dying.

Birds and animals have some connection with the human beings. For example, birds like parrot, love birds can stay in the human dwelling. A few animals like dogs, cats, rabbits live with human beings. They have adapted themselves to stay and survive in the human company.

But for the human being, God has given a special feature called reasoning. Yes, reasoning. He can see, smell, touch, listen and eat like animals. But he can also appreciate the things around him. (The reason for using he is only for the ease of use!)

Earlier humans were staying in forests eating raw vegetables and animals. Slowly they started having a sense of belonging. The man started having one wife and kids from that wife.

He marked the boundary for his house. He declared it is his own. Then he researched and got vehicles. He started using so many modern things and got immersed in them. The forest life is forgotten.

Why that? Even the very ordinary things like rising of the sun, chirping of the birds etc. were totally forgotten. He is so much engaged with his daily fight to survive that ordinary enjoyments have become things of the past.

But when the tension prevails too much in life, we want a breakaway. What do we do then? We take a vacation. We go to places like hill stations, resorts, and homestays to forget the routine life.

So funny!

We actually started from there; we now live in concrete jungles. Our eardrums have become totally numb to the noise pollution, the eyes do not care about the dust getting into our eyes, the nose has become regularly used the stench around us. We don’t actually care about a leaking sewage pipe unless it happens in our own house.

A maximum of one week in a resort, we start getting bored. We want our cars, televisions, mobile talks back.

I remember my uncle’s holiday itinerary. He stays in the US of A. The whole family consisting of my uncle, aunt and two children decided go for a holiday on a cruise to the Caribbean Islands. The management of the cruise had drawn out a few conditions. No mobile, no laptop for the whole of two weeks.

It is almost like forgetting the whole world for one fortnight. They enjoyed the trip, they said after coming back.

My question is can we not do the following in a day, every day?

I will take my own example. I wake up at 4.30 am. I listen to the chant of the Lord. This is my alarm sound. We can have a lovely chirpy bird sound. We have so much of modernity in our mobiles nowadays.

I go for my walk either on the treadmill or outside in the park depending on whether the weather is good to walk outside.

If I go on the treadmill I either listen to some lovely music or watch a good movie/serial in my mobile. This gives me quite a good pep. If I go out to the park for the walk, the music would be ringing in my ears in a low tone. But my eyes will feast on the lovely colorful flowers, their fragrances, the birds and butterflies in the park. The heart will fill with peace.

There, the Sun is rising. The orange light slowly becomes yellowish to whitish.

These a few very few things out of many more things we can enjoy.. like a pup which comes jumping at us, the small baby’s lovely smile... oh... life is so beautiful... provided we decided to make it one.

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life and elevating them to an art.

Thought for the day twenty seven

You don’t become enormously successful without encountering and overcoming a number of extremely challenging problems

We have many problems to face every day. Some problems are created by others and some others by us. When these are not seen in the right light, they look huge, unsolvable and the goal unattainable.

But if we see it in a different angle, maybe we will find a solution.

I am very eager to tell a story here. A story which is there from time immemorial and many versions are also available for this story.

I will narrate the incident which is directly from that epic.

Rama decides to send monkeys across the nation to search for Sita. Hanuman is chosen to go to the South.

The whole army of monkeys assigned to go to south reach the banks of the ocean. Now, they are stuck. They do not know what to do.

They have the information that Lanka is about 100 yojana in its length. Each monkey says how much it can fly.

Hanuman would be keeping quiet. Finally Jambavanta coaxes Hanuman to fly. Hanuman is not even aware of his strength. Finally Hanuman decides to fly to Lanka to find out whether Sita is hidden by Ravana in Lanka.

He prays Rama and jumps and starts flying in the sky above the sea. A demon suddenly appears from inside the sea and swallows Hanuman. He is totally lost inside. He goes here, there, everywhere inside the body of the demon and makes his body so big that he tears the body of the demon and comes out to pursue his journey.

Out of the blue a mountain appears from nowhere from inside the sea. It was a mountain called Mainaaka. Long ago Hanuman’s father Vayu would have helped the mountain. So, now Mainaaka wants to please Hanuman. Hanuman just touched the mountain and flew forward.

The Gods who were watching the whole act wanted to test Hanuman. Does he really have the ‘thing’ to search for Sita? So, they told one of the angels to test Hanuman.

Simhika, the angel suddenly appeared in front of Hanuman. She demanded that she wants to eat Hanuman, if not, at least Hanuman should go inside her mouth.

Hanuman started growing big. Simhika’s mouth also started growing big to accommodate a blown up Hanuman. This went on for some time. And suddenly Hanuman became very tiny and entered the big mouth of Simhika, went in and came out.  He now told Simhika that he has fulfilled her desire.

Simhika smiled and blessed him.

Hanuman finally reached Lanka. A woman was guarding the gate of the golden Lanka. He just beat her because he did not like to kill a woman. She understood that she has met her match and Lanka is going to be doomed. She had a prophecy heard long ago that a monkey will come and beat her. That would be the end of Lanka.

She went off allowing Hanuman to enter Lanka.

He found a lot of women in the harem of Ravana. But he was both relieved and worried that Sita was not there. He finally found her in the Garden of Ashoka Trees. He saves her when she was about to commit suicide in despondency. She says she is fine and that she wants Rama to come and kill Ravana and take her back.

Hanuman now wants to tell Ravana that Rama is coming. The best way he chooses is to create havoc. He breaks the trees, eats away the fruits.

Ravana sends his son, some of the soldiers. All are killed by Hanuman. Then Hanuman would be bound by a very powerful Brahmastra. He is marched to the court of Ravana.

Ravana mocks him that he is just a monkey. Hanuman says, there are so many other big monkeys in front of whom Hanuman himself is just a small fry.

One wildly important goal of finding Sita. Hanuman did not know his strength. He did not flinch when the animal tried to eat him. He was friendly with the friendly obstacle of Mainaaka. Then he matched his wits with Simhika and came out a winner.

He finds Sita, gives her the signet ring of Rama and takes back the brooch given by Sita to Rama.

He achieves the goal despite all the obstacles he faces – friendly, testing or dangerous.

Thought for the day twenty six

Do not procrastinate and never regret

We should not waste time thinking and wondering ‘Should I or shouldn’t I?’  This mental debate would make us waste hours, days, months and even years! The planning can’t be too long because we do not what is stored for us in the future. The fate and destiny too play an important role in our lives. We have to just value our time and do our duty. We may fail for the first time. That should not matter. We have to correct our mistakes and make it right the second time and succeed. Just idly sitting and worrying won’t let us go anywhere. We have to learn from our mistakes, but we should not waste time by brooding over the same. Whatever is going to happen is destined to happen that way only. If this is taken as the will of God, we are not in the regret mode. God’s will is ultimate and we do not have power to alter the course of God’s will. Why should we cry as if something has happened?

We call this Meena Mesha! We keep on thinking should I do it or should I not do it? Like Shakespeare said ‘to be or not to be?’

I have seen people waste time for very long. I give an example. An author who has written about 17 novels and 3 short story collections and an anthology on ‘home’ and a joke book wrote his last book in 2002. Then he went out of country. Came back after 3 years.  Every day he thought of writing. But nothing came out. He went on brooding today I will write, tomorrow I will write, this weekend for sure, no! my birthday is the right day, why not on new year’s day as a resolution? He kept on harping about writing without putting one word on the paper for 10 long years. Finally he was made to write by his ‘boss’ by putting him under the self-objective scheme! He finally wrote some solid book. The procrastination was too long!

We have to think of our fate and destiny. Lord Sri Krishna has mentioned in his celestial song Bhagavad Gita that we need to do our Karma. On the result we do not have any right. The God’s will is the one which gives us the fruit of our efforts.

We may fail for the first time. We have to introspect why we failed and take up the job again and continue. Once bitten, twice shy – the second time, we would be extra careful. We do not make the same mistakes. We would ensure that those mistakes are not committed. If we make some new mistakes, no problem... we need to correct them the next time. The mental debating of whether to do something or not should be avoided. Like said before, it is futile.

We need to be very clear in our thinking. We should have some aim in life. Can we count the number of things we want in life?

Money – Money is required and money is not the only thing which is required. But money can bring us lot of things which we crave for.

Happiness – We can’t buy this. This has to be earned. The cooler we stay, more the happiness. We need to promise ourselves not to harm others, not to indulge in bad vices and regrettable habits.

Peace of Mind – This also becomes a very important part of a ‘real life’. The book gives many ways to earn this, retain this.

Health – Good health is required to enjoy the above three. We need to be alert about our habits. No smoking, no drinking, no tension, no drugs... will give good health. The healthier we are, the merrier we can be.

Long Life – If we have all the above things and not having a long life, we feel something is cut short from our lives. God should will to give us the long life. He should give us the right mindset to have the proper habits, good upbringing, etc.

So, it is Long life, health, wealth, happiness and peace of mind – correct?

These five play a very important part of our lives. We should strive to achieve this. If it is not possible, no regrets. It is  destiny.

God bless the world with all the above five.

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti:

Thought for the day twenty five

Never leave the mind vacant

An empty mind is a devil’s workshop. All evil deeds start in the mind. We have to keep our mind occupied with something positive, something which is worthy. We need to have a good hobby. Our hobby, if it is a social work, would not give us chance to earn money, but sense of fulfillment and achievement would give us happiness. Even if we are resting physically, we need to indulge in healthy reading, chanting of God’s name etc.

We have seen people committing heinous crimes. What could be the reason? Their growing up is wrong? I do not think so. We know that even bad parents do not want their children to become bad. When that is so, we have to emulate good things so that our kids follow us. Generally kids do not listen to us. They try to do what we do. In fact, during growing years, the kids tell their parents ‘Don’t tell me anything which you are not following’

Unfortunately we are doing exactly the same. Imaging the father going on the scooter with the son sitting behind or standing in the front. There is a traffic signal. The father looks this way and that way, ensures there is no police and jumps red light. The son grows up. But his mind has the mental picture of father jumping red light. Why not I?

So, instead of making the kids go through such a procedure, we should make them pick up some hobbies. Good hobbies at that. It could be reading, stamp collection, drawing, painting, carpentry etc. The kid’s mind gets occupied with this. If he is an artist, he would always think of picturing whatever he sees.

Music is a good hobby. Be it Carnatic or Hindustani or even Western, the kids need to be exposed to one of them. This will help their imagination grow. When the imagination is high, they try to experiment in the same line. Then they will not have time for anything bad. This helps in keeping their mind occupied and it won’t be a devil’s workshop. When it is not a devil’s workshop, the bad thoughts won’t cross their minds and they don’t decide to become serial killers, terrorists, rapists etc.

When our hobby is a social work, like watering the plants of the street or the park which don’t get the water, people would wonder what you are doing. They talk for some time and then keep quiet. They see the worth in your work.

Then they may stop talking about it and they may even take it up along with you. A harmless social work is good. A social work which is doing well to one at the cost of happiness of others is not a good idea.

My favorite author writes somewhere about the trees on the road on which his house was situated. He was one of the earliest occupants. He saw that the saplings planted on the road were not watered regularly. He started watering the plants. Others in the neighborhood thought it was odd. But it did not deter our author from watering. He writes, ‘After a few years it was a proud moment to see these trees grown happily since they had the quota of water required for their growth’

That is the satisfaction he got due to the watering. This does not get us money. A sense of achievement, fulfillment fills our heart.

When we are resting we should ensure that we do some reading, healthy reading. The reading should help us in giving us happiness, satisfaction.

We can even chant God’s name continuously for some time during our physical rest so that it helps us in concentration. 

Thought for the day twenty four

There could be some instances where we are forced to take up more work than what we can actually complete. The reason could be that the company has taken more projects than it can handle due to the financial binding. The other reason is that our boss is having a higher trust on us that we could finish more things with a small time frame.

When we are in such a situation, we would be taking more work. We would be thinking at the back of our mind that what we are doing is wrong. We should have told that it is too much when we  had a chance. Now we can’t let down the people who trust us.

But there would be some signals that we are biting more than we could chew.

Some of the signs are mentioned below:

We tend to give least priority to the projects which are for our self-development. We overlook this pointedly. Actually this is the easiest thing to do. We could have kept a set of books to read, movies to watch, places to visit personally. We may even have thought that we could make a reading table for ourselves with the carpentry we learned during our college days. All it needs a minor modification. But suddenly we find that we do not have time for any of these things. This should tell us that we are asking ourselves too much. Even if we write down in the ‘Things to do’ list, the personal jobs we want to do, we keep giving it a skip. We feel really repentant that we did not spend much time for our self-development.

We feel tired after a long day and go to sleep after dinner. We promise ourselves that we will compensate during the weekend. But when the weekend arrives, we tend to sleep more. This will skip the writing, reading etc. Though the time spent on reading is quality time, we feel more relaxed by just sleeping. After all the whole of the week we have bitten more than what we can chew.

Probably if we add the fun time also in our time table, it would at least trigger a thought in us that we should have some fun. The fun could be a simple one. Spending time with the kids or sitting under a tree and reading a book.

We will have sleep disorders. If we are too tired, we may not get sleep in the night. This leads to oversleeping in the mornings. This makes things worse by making us late for the office the next morning. So, the previous day’s additional work gets added to the next day’s list. Then again, more time spent, more tired we become, reach home late, have late dinner which is not good for digestion, sleep eludes, we keep waking up during the nights and early morning nap catches us and we are late for work. This is vicious circle which should be avoided at all costs. The cluttered mind may end up this way. So, we need to think for a small time about what has been done that day and what needs to be done the next day.

If we go hungry when we are supposed to eat and skip meals during the stipulated time, we end up in eating at odd times. This leads to overeating or under eating or eating junk food at odd times. We will put on weight. Some times this weight is not possible to reduce. This would show on our health. We have to eat at the proper time and at least during eating we should not work.

We easily get angry when things cannot be got done. We get annoyed if there is no sugar in our coffee. This should tell us that we are stuffing our brain more things that it can take. We get annoyed about even small things. Bad temper is a sure sign that we are taking more responsibility than we can actually take.

Concentration is another good character which gets ‘killed’ when we are overloaded. We lose track of what is urgent and which is important. This means we are feeding our brain with too much of stuff. We should try to focus on one job and complete it, though it is very difficult to do that in this corporate world. We have to try since our health may get deteriorated.

Our memory goes out of order. We tend to forget very small things which are important. We would wonder when our boss asks about a project of the previous week. We end up clueless and scratch our head.

We need to write down everything which we are supposed to remember.

The last resort is to consult a professional psychiatrist and get a possible solution!

Little nuances

I watch American Serials nowadays. Some are murder investigations, some other are revenge stories and many more subjects. I watch one by one, the whole set. Then I will go the next episode of each of the serials.

But one serial stands out. It is a political thriller with espionage, action, mystery, suspense all rolled into one serial. I have already told about the serial earlier in this blog. It is called 24.

Yes, 24. I have already seen all the 8 seasons and a 2 hour movie Redemption two times (at least).  But I am seeing again from the first season.

This time each day one episode. That too when I am on the treadmill. The serial has the right mix of everything to make one’s adrenalin run fast.

The serials is very beautiful in its narration, though sometimes one feels that this is too much to happen on one day.

But considering the mindless, logic less movies what we watch, this has been done with a lot of conviction. Come to think of it, the whole crew is so sincere in its narration and depiction of the serial.

A special thing I noticed in the serial today is what I want to write about. It has lot of these ‘little’ scenes which make the serial elevated from the mundane ones.

A confrontation between estranged couple,  a meeting of separated couple, the relation between father and daughter, mother and daughter, son and mother and so on.

The serial has terrorists as the antagonists. They are ruthless in execution of their plans. But when it comes to their own kith and kin, they become vulnerable. This ‘weakness’ will be well exploited by the protagonist Jack Bauer.

The man is the hero. He would do anything for his country. He escapes many deaths unscathed. In fact, in one of the umpteen episodes of the serial , one character exclaims, “This man has more lives than a cat!”

And all the scenes in which the hero escapes death look real. He really doesn’t care when he is facing death. He is ready. But fate would have it otherwise.

He is made to torture many people, some of them close to his associates. He is made kill some of the characters forcefully. He does it without any feeling (or so is what we are made to think). But we are made to see his vulnerable face a few times.

He goes out, sits in his car and cries his heart out for a few minutes. And then he is back in business. The season 4 has an estranged couple. One was the head of the office and he is forced to resign since he jeopardizes a covert operation to save his wife who is captured by the villain.  He is jailed, but later pardoned by the President of US of A because of his sense of duty.

His wife leaves him because he is now unemployed and starts drinking. Now in the next season, he is back because he is the only one Jack Bauer can trust to save him. He comes back, assumes duty as the head of the office because the erstwhile head leaves because her schizophrenic daughter commits suicide.

But the wife comes as the permanent replacement and the sparks start flying. Slowly the wife comes to know through someone else that her husband still cares for her. The feeling slowly softens. All these are shown in between tense scenes.

Hats off for the whole team! I wish they had continued the serial instead of stopping it after the 8^th season.

Well, even good things come to an end!

What is my USP?

Unique Selling point? Which means we have to ‘sell’ ourselves? This sounds grotesque! Selling oneself…? Doesn’t it sound like the world’s oldest profession?;-)

But funnily, this term is used often in marketing world. To get the attention of the customer, we not only advertise our product, we need to advertise ourselves, sell our ideas!

Why did I get this subject today? This has a background!

Yesterday one of my colleagues messaged me out of the blue informing that I should market myself.  (market doesn’t sound that bad as sell!!!) I could not understand the message. So I had to ask.

I was informed that I know many languages (5 almost fully and 2 or 3 more little little!), and I should market myself.

I was very surprised and happy too. Yeah, I can do pun in 2 – 3 languages. A good word in one language turns out to be a very bad word in another language. There are people who try to talk Kannada. Here the pronunciation of a word or two, if done wrongly, gives a very wrong meaning!

Sorry, subject went for a detour!

So, marketing myself…. I should think of this seriously. But come to think of it, I am quite old – 55 years on 11^th August 2012 – should I try to do all these things?

Recently I was in my office canteen and was forced to eat alone. I spied a colleague of mine from the other department. I just say hello whenever I see him and I talk to him in his mother tongue.

He was sitting at a table and he invited me. I found one more person sitting in the table who smiled at me. I have seen him from the past 7 years but had no chance to talk to him. So, this colleague of mine with whom I talk in his mother tongue introduced me to the other guy, this is Yathiraj, the happiest person in our Company.

I was happy but surprised too. Is that the impression I have given to others that I am always happy?

Actually what do I do? I speak with anyone whom I have known with a smile and try to make the talk light and try to bring a smile on the other’s face. Has that behaviour of mine has earned me that name?

The other person said, I know him. I have seen him. But since the last year I know him better.

This intrigued me. What did he mean?

Then he explained. We had this internal office event. I was pushed to represent our team in an Indian Quiz competition which was conducted to keep us awake after a heavy lunch!

I was one of the finalists. There was a question which all the three of us could not answer, so all of us were declared winners!

So, I was called the most intelligent person in my office by one of my colleagues from the department which has only intelligent people. I corrected him saying, you are intelligent and I am smart… that’s all!

This year we had the 2^nd event. I took up to play an audio which turned out to be a live performance!

I did dance for about 15 minutes for various songs of the matinee idol Shammi Kapoor.

So, the whole office knows me. The songs, the pace of the songs do not go well along with my age.  They find my dance as amazing and energetic.

This way I gave happiness to all the people for some time.

In the office, many of my colleagues who are nearly 30 years younger get attracted to me and come and talk to me. Do they find their father in me? Is this the way they imagine their father? Is it that they can’t talk to their father this freely and they find me an alternative so that there is a person of their father’s age who talks friendly?

Is this my USP?

People don't care

I keep seeing funny things on the road. By law they are illegal. But who cares? People just do whatever they want on the road. After all, the Government itself is by the people, for the people and of the people, right?

I see people talking happily over the mobile phone in their car while taking a turn on the road. The judgment gets shrouded when we talk over phone and the brain would be busy listening to the conversation on the other side and fumbling to find the replies to the questions from the other side. The driver may end up in hurting the people driving (and riding) on the opposite side of the road.

 But people don’t care.

I have seen people keeping their one year old (or may be little less or more) kid on their lap or between their thighs while driving the car. The kid could be a very bad distraction. Imagine if the kid decides to pull out the key (inadvertently of course!) and throw it out of the window. Or even if the key is pulled and thrown out of the key hole, the driver gets distracted and the people in the car would be lucky if there are no other vehicles at that time on the road.

But people don’t care.

I was going the other day on the road near my home. The road is a main road. A lot of vehicles pass through the road. I saw a big Honda City car being backed on the wrong side of the road. I stood aside because I sensed (sixth sense?) something is wrong. As I was thinking, a tiny head bobbed out of the window of the car and said “Grandpa, please carry on”. The boy was just about 10 year old and he was reversing the car on the wrong side of a main road and his proud parents were watching happily. I felt alarmed.

But people don’t care.

I see very young boys riding a scooter or a bike or a car. They take turns at the cross roads like nobody’s business. Their parents must be very proud that their kids have learnt driving at a very young age. I feel the sense of balancing would be coming at a very young age. But the sense of judgment of how the opposite driver drives doesn’t come at that young age.

But people don’t care.

I see people standing and talking at the road corner which is vital for vehicles to turn. They simply ignore horns of the vehicles. They feel as if it is their ‘father’s property’! I curse them many times; I stop my vehicle and request them to move. They look at me contemptuously and continue their banter as if it is not their fault. I feel bad about this.

But people don’t care.

I have seen people standing at the left most edge of the road at the traffic signal. When the light turns green they take a sudden right turn in front of the whole straight moving traffic, holding them at bay and take a right turn. I wonder how long people can tolerate such tortures.  Does that mean I am the only one who is worried and the others don’t care? I still feel so. Why shouldn’t the people decide where to go and take the position on the road where they have to go?

But people don’t care.

I see people from cross roads simply zooming past the main road traffic whatever size it may be, in the available small space. If they are lucky enough they pass. Otherwise they hold the whole traffic at a ransom. I care about reaching the office on time, but not at the cost of causing a traffic jam.

But people don’t care.

I can go on complaining, whining, crying about the traffic. Will people follow the rules just because I have written about my woes?

No, people don’t care!

Thought for the day twenty three

Do not bite more than you can chew

This is a maxim which has to be remembered forever. We generally try to take more responsibilities than we can actually capable of carrying out. The additional ‘yes’ is expressed only to satisfy our ‘ego’ or impress someone else. We have to understand that we have limitations. The free time which we get when we don’t have any responsibility to shoulder, could be used for praying, introspection and even meditation, new learning. These will reduce the thoughts which make our minds restless. The peace of mind would be greater when the thoughts are few.

Quite an impressive maxim this is. When we eat our food, if we bite more than what our mouth can hold to chew, we actually choke. The choking could result in horrible cough or even death.

When this is the case, we have to be careful even when the maxim doesn’t refer to just the physical.

We choke when we have more jobs to fit in a specific time frame. It is always better to under promise and over deliver rather than over promise and under deliver or do not deliver at all.

We have come across people who put their fingers in all the pies available and end up finally only licking their fingers or open wounds.

The wounds would appear since their ego does not allow them to swallow the pride and say ‘I am sorry, I can’t do this’. They find that these words are uttered by a useless person.

Whom are we trying to cheat? Ourselves actually. If we can do what is possible to do in the stipulated time, we would be appreciated. On the other hand, if we fail to deliver, even though capable, just because we could not give the time what the job required, we are branded as useless.

To avoid such drastic remarks, we have to weigh the situation, the job and the time required and our capability to deliver.

If we are sure that we can deliver what is required and without hampering anything else, than we can safely assume that we have bitten what we could chew.

 I have seen many managers in various companies. They want to hog the limelight. So they take up all the jobs what are hanging around. Some of them could as well be carried out by the people who are under them; but they don’t allow because, the name we get by taking up these jobs. If we don’t complete the job, we definitely get a bad name for non-completion. But names we get are that we are lazy, complacent, and useless.

On the other hand, if we do have some free time, we could use it for our prayers. We could do meditation which puts our mind at peace. If we carry out introspection in the free time, we could understand what mistakes have committed and how to correct them next time.

The self-study puts us in a good place in the office. We could improve our knowledge, or the communication skills by reading and speaking.

If we feel burdened we should think about what we told our colleagues. Probably we have told ‘don’t worry, I will do it’

Taking up of more things that what we can actually do will end up in we not having time even to change the light bulb in our bathroom!

We have to realize that we have bitten more than what we can chew and spit out the additional stuff in our mouth.

We need to control our stress and not the other way round. We can’t become slaves to our stress.

Thought for the day twenty two

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice; but for those who love, time is eternity.

                                                                           - Henry van Dyke

TIME.. just four letters. But what a big gap it can bring... they say ask the value of a week to a weekly magazine editor... value of a second who has just escaped an accident ... etc.,

A watched pot never boils is a very famous saying. When we stand in front of a milk pot waiting for it to boil, it never happens fast. You feel it is taking its own sweet time! When you try to go away for just a few moments and come back, you will see the milk spilled over the stove!

A person who has to get up early keeps alarm to wake up the stipulated time. The alarm rings at the exact moment. The person feels he could do with just with a few more moments. But when he wakes up, to his horror, it is almost 2 hours past his specific timing.

If one feels sad about something, he keeps on thinking about it the whole day. Time won’t pass for that person even if one keeps seeing at the watch to get over with it.

If a person is partying and has to catch a train during the night, suddenly the time would be nearing to catch the train. That person would wonder where the time slipped through.

But a person in love will always feels time is eternal. The person would be handing the hand of his/her love and the time just stands still.

One time and so many expressions. For some, it is fast, for some others it is very slow. How does this happen?

It is the matter of perception.

Because time is the same for everyone. It has 24 hours or 1440 minutes or 86400 seconds for everyone.

When we like something, when we like someone, when we have to spend time doing that, the time passes so quickly that we will feel that the time has gone fast.

When we don’t like something, when we don’t like someone, when we have to spend time with that, then the time becomes slow. We feel we are spending a life time doing that.

With our love, the time stands still. There is a song... if I and you are together; we don’t have the time constraint. Time actually is forgotten.

We say when a good person undergoes a bad phase that his time is not good. On the other hand if a bad person cheats good people, they say ‘time will teach a lesson’ to the cheat.

So, the time takes such an important role in our lives.

There are funny incidents.... when we have to leave the office at 6.30, from 5.30 the time starts crawling. When we are forced to stay back for some more time to finish a job. If we have to leave at 8.15, the time flies and we are left wondering whether the time is enough to finish the job.

We have to respect time. We can’t get back the time which has passed. The time which is passed without a good deed done is considered a criminal waste of time.

But we have to spend some time with ourselves indulging in self-development or self-introspection at least for half hour every week, if not every day.

When we are lovers the time is eternal, but when we get married, suddenly we become weary of our partners and the time spent with them seems wasted. No, this is not a healthy attitude and need to be corrected fast.

Doing what we say is integrity and saying what we do is honesty.

Honest people’s names are used by others to swear. Since the world has more dishonest people now, the honest people are looked like as if they are some special people.

Some people revere them. Some other people mock at them.

But if someone is really honest, he/she should not bother by the adverse comments.