Sparrow

This bird is my favorite. I remember there was a pair of sparrows building a nest in my home when I was about 8 year old. So, I even now recollect the way the pair brought straw pieces and put them on a railing in our veranda where we can't reach the nest (or so the poor birds thought). Then one day I could here some chirpy sounds which told me that the little ones have come to this earth. The mom and dad used to bring food and it went on till one day the little ones were quite big to fly. Today sparrows are nowhere seen in the main city. I believe the reason is mobile. But I think it is because of buildings. They can't build in the new type of buildings. I even now see quite a big number in the nearby hospital's quadrangle. You can hear them making lovely noise together in the twilight of the evening. I have seen a big number when I was in Muscat. The villa where my sister lived, they used to come and peck the raw rice and cooked rice left by my sister. It is a lovely bird to watch. The male has a lovely dark brown ring round his neck and the female is small and cute in light brown color. I used to show these birds to my son when he was small. Well, things change. some things are bound to extinct because of the civilization. Pity, I think.

Multiple personality Disorder

This is a new name for split personality I think. Split is only two. If it is more than two, it is MPD?

I remember seeing Actress Jayanthi doing a great job of the split personality roles in Eradu Mukha. (2 faces). She is the timid Ramaa for a moment and the vivacious, sexy Umaa the next moment. The reason given in the movie is that the person becomes various persons when his/her desires are left unfulfilled. To fulfill those desires, they get vertically split. In real life there was a person who had more than 40 faces! My God, how difficult for that person to come back to the first real person! Anyway, the unfulfilled desire is what? Is it so difficult to get that? If not, is it very difficult to forget that? I think we must move on. If we hang on to something which we never get, what is the big deal of waiting? The Hindu philosophy says, if you run behind something (example fame), it runs away from you. If you keep it away, it comes in your search. I think all should give a try to this. Why not? if we can get something what we badly want, why not? But is it worth all the pains and troubles? If it becomes an obsession, it shows on our health, work and family too. Is it why we have come to this earth? Can we not think above this? Is it something impossible?

Half a cup of milk

One thing which is really bothering me is my mother's health. Whether it is failing or improving is difficult to understand. She looks frail and fragile. But she looks strong also. So, the confusion. She could be very sharp in her talking. This could be attributed to her helpless sleeping posture. But it could also cause some skirmishes at home! The kids won't take the nonsense (As per them, this is utter nonsense). With this background, what with my mum's ears being sharp and tongue being quite mobile, the words will roll out brewing unnecessary trouble at home. Seriously I do not know whom to blame. There was this scene in the evening. My sister heard me through the phone me shouting at my mother. She heard it from the USA. The advices started pouring from that long distance. Don't do like this, that etc., She is meaning good. But I too mean good about me shouting at mum,because her sharp words could cause irritation to children and they start their tantrums. what with about 2 hours free time after coming back from office, I did not want that. So, I told my mother firmly in a stern voice. Still she called me.I went with a frown. She told can you get me glass of milk please? I told why. There are others. She said, ' you make me drink it quite smoothly and I like it. can you do it today also please? My eyes became moist. What a simpleton my mother is.

Wedding Reception

My colleague Venu is getting married tomorrow. Today was his reception. The pair was very enthusiastic since they were making an official public appearance for the first time! The hall was full and we had to go through Bangalore to reach the wedding Hall. By the time we reached it was 8 pm which meant we have taken more than one and half hours. When we were waiting for our colleagues to come, there was a scene. A man was shouting at an old man. I don't know the reason. May be the old man could not stand properly and had to support himself by putting his hand on an old lady presumably the mother of the younger man. The Younger man started shouting. What a sad thing! The fights I have seen when the vehicles touch each other even without knowing. Then the drivers start outshouting each other. They may even go to the extent of holding each other's shirt collars. But in a Wedding Hall? That too when they are just guests? pathetic! I could see from a distance the groom having a worried look though accepting wedding wishes from his well wishers. But unthinkable these fights! Anyway, let me congratulate Pushpa and Venu for a happy and long married life. I had given the words used in his wedding card. The bride said everyone liked the words. I asked how about you? She was very happy I believe. I felt happy. But I still went and told her, let those not be mere words. Please be together in all walks of life I said. Good luck Venu. Good Luck Pushpa.

Again novel!

It is almost 8 years since I have done any solid writing. The reason is simple. I am plain lazy! I can't think of any other reason for my non-writing. But after much much deliberation, I have decided to write something. Mostly non fiction. Let me see. Once it is shaped up,I shall share the news. I do need to think a little more because I am also planning a novel. This time a teasing novel. This has to have some heavy dosage. Otherwise the story falls flat. For non fiction I have to search for the proper words so that it is an interesting reading. Generally it is very difficult to make a non fiction an interesting piece of writing. Fiction is actually easy if you do not consider the logic etc.,! Non fiction would make the people bored. Probably they would put the book down after reading the first 3 lines. ( I do it! So no wonder if someone else also do it!!) But still I shall try my best. Seriously thinking of giving the articles to some magazine for serialization (for name and of course the monetary benefit!!!) and then should pass it on to a publisher who would be interested to publish non fiction. But let me write first even before anything else! This dilemma would continue till I really put my effort. The hindrance for non writing continued in the form of laptop not working. Nowadays I have become so lazy that my handwriting won't be understood by anyone.So no choice but to type!!!

Here's a story

I have written 52 short stories. Really not a great number for 18 years of writing. But not much of a writing after 2002. A sort of hibernation. But some of them are good. I am proud of writing them. When I wrote another novel of mine in 2 days, I was sure it would lack quality. But it did not. It came out well. I even tried a trick used by Sidney Sheldon in Windmills of Gods. A trick which is very easy in English. But in Kannada gender is stressed upon in the verb. So, it would easily be known to reader that the person is male or female. But in English if you use came or went with a name, it won't tell whether the person is man or a woman. So it was a challenge in two ways. Not to give chance to the reader that the character of the particular character. The suspense has to be maintained till the end. The reader should keep on guessing what would happen in the end. I had the deadline of 2 days to handover the script. But all these things were done in two days. Even when I read again, I feel proud of the story which has not got tarnished either by story or by time even. I have a title of sincere writer from a great writer and editor. May be because of this, I am unable to write any trash. So, the subject is getting churned in the mind - Mana Manthana!

How to write?

I was happy to see an article in one of the women's fortnightly in Kannada giving tips for good and interesting reading. Well, quite long ago my favourite author Sri. Yandamoori Veerendranath had written a book called 'how to write popular novels, Dramas, short stories ?' In fact it even gives tips to write screenplay for movies and TV serials. No one probably thought in those lines those days. He even conducted workshops for writers. One of them became quite popular and wrote some beautiful novels. Some others took theme from him and wrote novels. I too took tips from a renowned editor of a Kannada Weekly who just showed me a news item and asked me to develop a novel. Actually I could write a 160 page novel based on the particular news item. It was not easy because I was enticed by an assistant editor of another popular daily to write it in 3 days! My mother fell ill and hospitalized. At that time I sat the whole night and finished the novel. I even interspersed the novel with the news item based on which I wrote. Those were the days. I have written in 2 days another time. The only condition we have to put ourselves is that we are not going to compromise on the quality no matter how many days you need to complete the book.

My mum

When a person reaches 80, I think the person becomes a child. My mum for example now behaves like a child! She wants to walk and her legs won't support her. The real reason is that she is not able to move due to fear. Yes, fear. She has become very frightened nowadays to move herself. She feels somehow she is unable to move. Today I tried to move her standing behind her on the bed and trying to bodily lift her holding her arms. No avail! She is unable to move an inch. She says her waist is not supporting her to get up from the bed and stand. She wanted to know whether the doctor can give some medicine to make her lift her waist so that she can stand and walk! Highly unfortunate for a lady who was always moving around so freely even at 75 years, today she is bed ridden. I was teasing her that she does want some or the other person to serve her and she has no desire to move or walk. She tried to disprove it by trying to stand. No chance! today I felt that she is going to be permanently in bed till her last breath. Very painful to see her and I have no choice. I can't run away and let the whole burden to fall on my wife. She looks after her like her own mother and there is no trace of irritation. She could have avoided serving her. After all many daughters in law never bother about their in laws. But I am lucky .. no my mother is lucky to have her.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a very funny term. Envy is milder? Recently I found that I was jealous of my friend. But for a reason you won't believe. I felt jealous of him because his mother is healthier than mine! Isn't it funny? or is it a serious feeling? Almost 5 months since my mother is bed ridden. Even now I am not able to come to terms with the fate or the situation. I even now try to cajole my mother and even fight with her saying why are you bed ridden? She smiles and says it is not her fault. But she was a person who was so mobile. She is young at heart too. Or was.. Because nowadays she feels very dull and sometimes I see tears running on her cheeks and wetting the pillow on which her head is resting. Tell me why we are to undergo such torture of seeing our elders in such a position? Really very sad!

Comedy of (T)errors!

This blog is being written in the morning because the incident is still raw in my mind. After all this is Mana manthana right? My daughter wanted me to get up early (earlier than usual) to go for walking. The reason was that I could not get up yesterday morning. She was sore the whole of yesterday. When I left, my wife was still sleeping. I tried to wake her up and her words were not clear when she told what quantity of milk to be bought from store. So, as a good Samaritan I sent a message to her to wake up. Oops! trust these modern mobiles! I had pressed the number of my colleague who is traveling. Poor fellow! He must have been bewildered to get a wake up message from Bangalore. But as a good person he called and inquired. I apologized and disconnected. He was very cordial for working very late and taking a late night bus and a 8 hours travel in front of him! Later I called my wife on her mobile which I intentionally left on her pillow. The line was not reaching her. After 3 futile tryings I called the land line and disconnected. Then I got a serious call from her. What is your problem? why do you call so many times? why did you call on the land line when you know that there are other people sleeping? It was terrifying to listen to all those words. Talk about being helpful and trying to wake up a person so that she doesn't have to hurry through her routine!

I want to write a serial novel

If you observe my articles are all disjointed. Sometimes repetitive too. But I feel like writing a serial novel. There is one fear. How do I protect it against copying? This needs to be thought about. I have to ask someone somewhere to confirm this. It would be fun to serialize a novel on the blog. Has someone already done it? I do not know. I remember when my serial came in a Kannada newspaper - my first - I was thrilled not because it was a thriller. Because it was my first! I used to read each word and enjoy my own writing. Is it wrong? Not that I have written something great.But it is my own writing. The feeling that the Kannada readers' world would taste it. They would be able to comment on it. Now I remember, after the serial was completed, after 5 or 6 days a few letters were published in the newspaper where readers used to write. The words of the readers were really encouraging. Very curious till the end was the common sentence. Then I decided to make it interesting whether I write a thriller or a family drama. I had even planned to write a big book about a 'real' family. May be the family would not have liked if I had done it! But I did not do it. Now I want to make a serial novel without making it easily copyable. is it possible? Does someone read it and send me the answer please?

My friends

Funny thing is that most of my friends are young. How young? from 30 to 40 maximum! They even think that I am about 36! I am sure I have written about this earlier. But this idea amazes me so much that I am repeating it. This is all about mental makeup. I feel I am young.May be my behavior with my colleagues is being like a younger person. So, they welcome me with open arms. They can't think of some party without me. Not that I am a joker. May be because I am an easy going person. I generally don't poke my nose too deep into anyone's private affairs. I have been given by nature 2 big ears. I generally do listen to people sympathetically and behave empathetically. They all pour out their woes and they don't even warn me that it is only for my ears! It is understood. Goes without saying. Default condition. It is a boon and a uncomfortable feeling too. Why a person should think that I can solve that person's problem? I don't. I give my suggestions only if they ask. Why am I saying all these? For two reasons. One, be young at heart. So you would die young! Other, listen to people when they want to speak with you. They are actually not considering you to solve their problems, sort out their whatever it is! they want to think loudly and search for a solution which is inside them. They want a 'punching' oops listening instrument!!!!

World is ....

Recently I went to my colleague's brother's wedding. As she travels in the same cab, it becomes imperative that I attend her brother's marriage. The team of five left. Three of them I know quite well as they are also my cab travelers. But the driver of the car, another colleague of mine about whom I am writing. He is Madhukar Pai. We sat in the reception hall awaiting the pair to appear. I was watching Madhukar. I have seen this face somewhere earlier and elsewhere. I tried to picture him without his ever present thick beard. Then I blurted out 'which is your hometown? He said Mudabidare. then I told as if to myself, there was one Pai from Mudabidare who was my colleague. Madhukar coolly announced, that's my brother Ganapathi. This was a pleasant shock for me. I was mentioning about a place in Oman called Nizwa. This place has a lighting show room of my previous company and there was an in-charge called Ganapathi Pai. To think that that person has turned out this person's brother was too much for me. I have traveled with him to some places in Nizwa. He taught me what to do in his absence since he was on his way to India and I was to look after his place. Very funny, to think that his younger brother is my colleague in my next place of work in Bangalore. So the title, the world is........................... .........................................Very small

An appreciation

I had recently given one of my novels to one of my colleagues. She took the book on a weekend and did not utter a word on Monday. Out of curiosity I asked her 'did you have time to go through the book?' She said that she finished reading the book. The book has more than 300 pages, demi size. But she had finished it! I asked when. She said I completed the book in one sitting on Saturday night. Real good feel I had. But then I remembered. One of my cousins told the same thing. your book was unputdowanable. My sister also had told the same thing. I started at 9 pm and when I put down the book I realized that the time was 2 am! This is what any author loves to hear. your book is readable, highly readable etc., Many of the books I have read are like that. They say A person who won't read a book does not have any advantage over a person who can't. The books are the best friends for life. They don't change colors. They remain same. But the funny thing is that a book you loved when you were 15 may not be likable when you are 30 and as the age progresses the ideas change, may be due to the experiences. I have heard a harikatha about an incident in Ramayan. Ms.Vishakha Hari was mentioning that Ramayan is understood by people differently at different ages. May be that is why it is still one of the best epics of the world.

Daughter

I remember the joy I had when I saw my daughter immediately after her birth. She became close to me always calling 'appa' She grew up still bleating Appa. When I used to sit in front of TV and watch programs squatting, she used to come and sit on my lap. I used to tease her. you are already 7 and like a small kid you are sitting on my lap. She used to laugh and say, even after my marriage, I shall come and sit on your lap. I used to be very happy. But she did not keep her promise!! By the time she became 11 she suddenly distanced herself from me physically. Now to my annoyance (!)she became close to Usha, my wife. Funny isn't it? That is father daughter relation for you. The girls grow fast, mature fast mentally and start ordering the father around! and he listens to her much to the annoyance of the mother. But Electra complex - is this it? Today she is 17 and she looks so different, I blurt out sometimes, hey are you the same kid who used to sit on my lap or sleep over my shoulder? But that is it. Whether it is son or daughter, you never know when they grow and become 'big' in the real sense. Is this what our role? Are we just being useful for their growth both mentally and physically? Then it is only hi and bye! Really this relationship.... huh!

Great singer's greatness

There was a concert in New York or some other US city. The main singer had another budding singer in the troupe. The concert was a great one. The main singer left some of the swaras to be sung by this budding singer. There was thunderous clapping. The concert was over and at the backstage one group of audience came and told the main singer that they want a concert. Main singer said yes without hesitation. The group hesitated and told 'not yours, we want this budding singer to sing in our program' The main singer said yes without hesitation. Even when I write this I feel tears in my eyes. The greatness just doesn't end if you sing well. When you make your student sing independently and make that person more confident, then it is real greatness. The budding singer has narrated it in one of the newspapers during the main singer's death anniversary. I have heard of gurus who do not approve student's thesis because the Guru took five years and the student, though brighter than the Guru, cannot get the PhD till at least five years if not more!

What a difference between the PhD guru and the main singer. The main singer mentioned here is the melodious and scholarly Dr.M L Vasantha Kumari (one and only I shall say) and the student who narrated the incident is the now very famous Mrs. Sudha Raghunathan. What a pair of great singers!