Experience

Good judgment comes from experience; but… experience comes from bad judgment

I have read the above sentence so many times and wonder how well it applies to everyone and in every walk of life!

Seriously…. Experience is a great teacher. We make another statement when we find someone is very rude and crass even when we try to be quite friendly with them. The statement is… well, that person is too rude… but wait… the time will teach that person such a lesson which will not be forgotten by that person in a hurry.

What is the meaning of time teaching a lesson or nature teaching a lesson?

This is what is called poetic justice.

We try to bend the rules and do all unsavoury things when it comes to making our life better. Even if it at the cost of someone else’s happiness. Yes, we do take some drastic steps to make our people happy. We just do not care about the other person’s discomfort.

But the nature won’t keep quiet. It will teach us a lesson.

Take for example a girl being married to a boy. The boy is little quiet and the girl is very tough. Probably if they are left alone, they would make adjustment and live a good life. There won’t be any argument and the life boat would float on the sea of life quite uneventfully.

Now we throw in the mother of the girl who is a stronger woman. She not only commands over her daughter, she tries to even overpower the son in law who doesn’t say boo to a goose.

She will make her daughter a puppet and makes the daughter to agree to her at every moment. The daughter, who has grown up listening to the same woman since her birth, would agree to carry out all the words of her mother.

The foundation of the marriage starts shaking. Probably the girl doesn’t notice it, the boy notices and can’t do anything and the mother knows it and doesn’t care. She has high confidence in her own judgment of everything around her.

The marriage slowly breaks, the boy suffers inwardly and the girl is blissfully unaware of the situation.

The boy gets influenced by his close friend and tries to get out of the marriage. But he can’t. There is a twist in the story. The girl is pregnant and delivers a lovely baby. The boy falls in love with his daughter.

He can’t decide about quitting the family now. The daughter is a very good attraction now.

The inward suffering continues. The girl is busy in her career and the daughter. She is earning more than her husband now.

The family is at the status quo.

Now the new character. There is a son of this mother. He now grows up. He is of marriageable age.

Mother searches for a girl who suits her temperament. The girl is liked by the son of this mother. (I hope it is not very confusing!)

The marriage takes place. The new girl who is the daughter in law of the older woman sees what is happening. She pities her husband’s sister who is a puppet in the hands of her mother (the girl’s mother in law).

She suspects that her husband is also a puppet in his mother’s hands.

She puts her foot down and whisks her husband away from that house.

The mother is very fond of her son. She can’t live without him. Now he is a puppet in the hands of his wife (of course, for his own good!).

The mother feels for her son’s absence.

She judged her daughter in law the way she judged her son in law. That’s where she was hoodwinked.

The new girl proved to be a formidable opponent.

She craves for her son…but no avail.

Her experience teaches her a lesson. But at the cost of her daughter’s happiness and now her own happiness.

We need to be really good in our judgments if we don’t want a bitter taste to be left in our mouth.

Thought for the day twenty

Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. And however undramatic the pursuit of peace, the pursuit must go on.

John F. Kennedy

A very beautiful advice by the erstwhile President of the United States of America. Peace is not a bag of peas which you can buy from the market. It has to be earned by continuous perseverance. We have to put effort with a lot of effort.

He says peace is a daily, weekly, monthly process. Yes, every day when we get up we need to promise ourselves that we shall keep our tryst with the peace.

We can think of the incidents of the previous day, with whom all we had interaction and with whom all we need to raise the white flag! Especially if we are at the wrong. Even suppose the other person is wrong, still what stops us from extending the friendly arm towards the other person? What stops us? The ego? What ego will do to help us when we are in doldrums? We keep on cursing ourselves later if a chance is missed. Instead we could put a step forward and bury the hatchet.

So the process does not stop with a day, we have to promise ourselves every day that we make peace with people. If some people we are meeting on a weekly basis, then it has to be done there also. Sunday or Saturday, we meet some people for a club meeting or a game of tennis, we better do the same peace extension process. These will help us in becoming peaceful.

Once we are peaceful, then the blood pressure won’t go up; we don’t end up with sleeplessness; we do not abuse our heart.. one action, so many positive results.

Changing opinions... eroding barriers... quietly building new structures... each one is a gem...

We have to change our opinions on people. Especially if we are in touch with some of the people every day, it is imperative that we need to keep changing our opinions. The family members, the neighbors, the colony people, the colleagues.... oh...the list is long...We can definitely try to change the opinion of others. But not by forcing ourselves. It is rather by behaving in such a nice way that the other person’s perception about us changes.

Eroding barriers... really a great way of moving forward. The barriers are human made. These will stay invisibly between two people and spoil the relation. The relation, if spoilt, especially if we love the other person too much and the other person stays behind the barrier, our life becomes miserable. We need to break the walls, ensure to erode the barriers to live peacefully.

And quietly building new structures..... yes, if the old relations can’t survive even with all our efforts, give it a beautiful twist and leave it.

Sahir Ludhianvi, a famous Urdu poet has written a lovely stanza in his lyrical poem ‘Chalo ik baar phir se ajnabee ban jaaye humdono’... he says wo afsana jise anjaam tak laana na ho mumkin, use ik khoobsoorat mOD dekar chOD na acchha....’ meaning for whichever story, if you cannot bring the story  to an end, give it a beautiful twist and leave it... what a lovely way!

Yes, leave the old relation... need not fight or need not leave a bitter taste... should be able to speak with the person when/if you encounter again... but we should build new relations... since we are already experienced, we should tread carefully...without feeling déjà vu..

And however undramatic the pursuit of peace sounds, we need to pursue it.

Yes, if someone says I am trying for world peace, we feel very funny. We may even brand the person mad... but think beyond.... there may be a good and simple way of keeping peaceful. Let us take that and pursue... and achieve.... however impossible it may sound...

Om Shanti Shanti Shantihi

Thought for the day Nineteen

O God, grant us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed; the courage to change what can be changed; and the wisdom to know one from the other.

                                                                                                                        Reinhold Niebuhr

Serenity or the peace of mind is something we have to get it from within. We can never buy peace like we buy many other things in life. We get agitated by many things happening around us. It could be a simple incident like someone blocking your way.

Imagine we are in a hurry to go out taking out our car. We rush to the garage from inside the house. We try to open the doors of the garage. It can’t be open. We get perplexed. We come out to see why. There stands a pair of bikes just outside our garage. The reason is simple. There is shadow in front of our garage. So, the bike riders park their vehicles and gone somewhere.

Where have they gone? We would not know. We live in a residential area. The bikers could be anywhere in that area.

So tough, isn’t it? This is the time when we should not lose cool. We should try to move the vehicles in such a way that it doesn’t obstruct our car being removed. On the other hand, we have no right to park it in the middle of the road to make trouble for the ongoing traffic.

Our character is such that we hate to disturb others. But here is a situation where we are victimised. It is not an impossible situation forever. This can be changed. But we need to be peaceful to carry out this.

There are people who do not accept change. In fact, the resist and even rebel when there is a change. But if there is a chance to change them, change them. Provided the change is good for them. They would not accept any change. But, you know in the heart of your hearts that the change would do good to them. Would the effort of yours go unnoticed? Still worse, will you be victimised?

For a good thing to happen, we can forgo some of our pleasures. Come to think of it, would we be totally at a loss by making this change? When we touch our heart and check, we come to know that we do not lose much. Then we should take it up. We should be courageous enough to bring the change.

The discrimination (Vivek in Sanskrit Language) plays an important role here. There are some changes which we can’t make. We should be losing sleep over this. There are some changes which we can dare to make. But this definitely has some repercussions. We should be able to have enough courage to accept these. We should not lose our peace once we have taken the decision since it would have been carried out by us knowingly.

This difference has to be taken into our heart in a proper way. Vivek should make us understand that we are accepting what we can’t change. Also we have to accept boldly the changes we have brought in has ended in souring and severing of a few relationships. Does this change make good for the person on the other side? Has the person been benefited more than we losing something?

Then we decide that we have taken the right decision and we need not lose our sleep over it.

The author prays God to give him strength. It is right because we need to seek His shelter when things go wrong. Just because we think that the change we are going to bring in the other person’s life has made that person feel good. May be that person will realise it later and thank you for your act.

But the present moment could be very treacherous and God’s support would be the best refuge.

Thought for the day eighteen

We need to endure what cannot be cured

This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage. Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations and accidents that are beyond our control. We must learn to endure them cheerfully thinking “God will it so, so be it”. God’s logic is beyond our comprehension. Believe it and you will gain in patience, in inner strength, in will power.

We will be in a hurry to reach the office. An important meeting is scheduled to take place. The vehicle does not start immediately. We do all circuses to start the vehicle. Finally it starts. We try to hurry. The vehicle in the front is touched by you. Mistake is ours. But still we argue saying why the front guy should apply brakes?  Poor fellow, he would have applied to avoid hitting the vehicle which is in front of him! And that vehicle would have avoided hitting a small kid on a bicycle by applying brakes suddenly.

What a chain reaction!

In the bargain, we would have lost the precious traveling time and won’t reach on time for the important meeting.

Here, what is your mistake? You can’t blame the situation. A kid’s life was at stake. Each one has tried his best to save the kid and their vehicles. Except us, we went overboard and hit the vehicle in the front.

Well, this is something which is unavoidable. We need to get adjusted to the situation. This situation can’t be cured. So, we need to endure and move on. If we carry a grudge and continue thinking about it, we end up becoming crazy and moody. This won’t do. The colleagues won’t keep quiet. They would tease us. We lose temper and utter something which we would regret almost immediately and for a lifetime. Is this a necessity?

No!

Not any day!

We need to be tense just because we underwent some torture. It was something which was uncalled for but has happened. We need to accept this and start the work which we are supposed to do. This is the right method.

On the other hand if we behave very differently and become rude, most of our colleagues would desert us or they would just be artificially polite with us.

There is an American proverb, if you can’t lick them, join them. Without misunderstanding (!) words let us analyze. If you can’t fight against a system, better become the part of the system is the meaning carried by the proverb.

Seriously, it is not right to be accepting what we don’t like. The saying what can’t be cured, must be endured must have been made by someone who would have totally harassed by the system when that person fought against injustice and the person failed.

So, suffer and tolerate all the injustice which crosses your life. You wouldn’t have undergone all these tortures if you had accepted the system’s default condition by default!

But this is not at all right. We need to get into the root of a system and see whether we can remove the unwanted thing.

If we can’t do it alone, we have to have patience to bring together the like-minded people. This would strengthen the group’s convictions. The group can fight the injustice in a better and methodical way. When it is one person, even the opponent feels strong. But when a group fights, there would be a seed of doubt in the mind of the injustice. This makes the fighting team stronger.

A single finger can be broken, but not a hand showing a fist. It takes more strength to break a team.

What can’t be cured, need not be endured. We can fight and get the cancerous unwanted growth out of system.

Thought for the day seventeen

Change yourself according to the environment

If you try to change the environment single handedly, the chances are you may fail. Instead change yourself to suit the environment. As you do this, even the environment, which has remained unfriendly for you, will mysteriously appear to be congenial and harmonious.

This is a very beautiful thinking. One finger if raised, it is easy to break. If we keep all the fingers together, it is unity. As it is said, unity is strength.

When you enter an office and you find lot of unwanted things around. You can’t take a chance and try to wipe out the whole of unwanted things immediately. You have to keep watching and studying the environment. You should get merged in the environment.

You may think of chameleon the way it changes its color to suit the environment. May be this is a bad example. Then we can think of another one.

The soldiers in a battle. If they are fighting inside the forest, they wear green colored clothes and they would use plants to cover themselves up. If they are in the desert, then sand-colored uniform is being worn. The camouflage is complete.

The same way in the office. We just should get merged in the atmosphere of the office. The people \around you will consider you as one of their own. This means first step of your battle is won.

The people become friendly. Once they are congenial, they would give an ear to any good advice. Once they give a thought about your advice, probably they would adapt to the new idea. This makes you win the war.

The typical and first behavior of a human being is resistance is to show the resistance. Whether the new idea is good or bad, he doesn’t care. He does not want any change. It is almost like an animal which is caught in a town and let out in the jungle. The animal senses danger, uneasiness when it enters the jungle first. It is a natural reaction. Once the environment is studied, the animal becomes friendly with the environment.

When the change what we are looking for does not happen, then we lose sleep. Our peace of mind is shattered.

The best way is to keep calm and think. Do we really want the change to be brought out? Will it just help me or the complete system? Are we desperate to bring out the change? Can it wait? Can there be a chance of having a via media option?

We need to analyze every one of the above and tread forward carefully. We do not know how the others behave? Would we have behaved in the same way if we were at the receiving end?

Sometimes we force others to change because we want them to be how we want them to be.

This is a very serious thing. If the other person also thinks the same way, then there will be a clash. A lot of bad blood will flow out. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

We start thinking, oh, I should have spoken like this, I should have sent a mail like this etc., so as to be on top of the situation.

We need to see the same people again the next day. If the other person turns his face on the other side or if that person ignores us pointedly, our blood boils. The vicious circle of uncomfortable feeling continues thus ruining a perfect day.

Let us be more flexible to change ourselves to suit the environment.

Thought for the day sixteen

The Hindu philosophy is considered to be the oldest. There are many important things which perhaps we read for the first time. One term used is Karma. Karma in simple terms means work or the deeds we carry out. Each one comes on to this earth with a purpose. The body gets deteriorated like an old cloth. The soul or atma is indestructible.  So, like we get new cloth stitched, the soul gets a new body. We carry what is called as Vaasanaa from birth to birth. This decides our basic trait. We see many pairs of twins with behavior and characteristics which is not same between them. Why? this is what is explained as Karma.

We all have three types of karmas. Praarabdha, Aagaami and Sanchita. If we consider the three types of karmas as seeds, Praarabdha karma is seeds which have already got sprouted. This karma has to be eaten by us at all costs. We cannot escape this. If our behavior is good and we try to emulate good things, the Aagami karma would not get the sprout. If we continue our good behavior throughout then the sanchita (which is stored seeds) will get totally burnt off. Then we would not have any more births and deaths.

The author is talking about this karma in this article. The life is shaped by our previous karma, which now becomes our destiny. We can get rich only if we are destined. No stoppage for this. If we are not, on the other hand, destined not to become rich, then we won’t be helped by anyone. When this is the case, we should not engage in a blame game thinking that because of so and so I am poor. Otherwise, I could have had all the things in the world.

Jealousy will not get us anywhere, but will only give us restlessness. This restlessness will lead to loss of peace of mind.

This may not be believed by people who do not believe in rebirth. So, let us see it from another point of view.

Let us take the example of twins again. One of the twins would learn music. He/she loves music. But the other one hates music. Both of them are from the same background. They get the same food; they grow up in the same ambience. But their behavior is very different as chalk and cheese. How any one explain why it is so different?

This is where the belief in vaasanaa comes. Yes, due to the karma of previous birth, we take birth again. Once we start doing only good deeds the non-sprouted karmas get totally reduced to ash. It is like the gold going through the fire to become pure.

I have read many books on Vedanta and Gita. But the books I loved are written by a Swamy Parthasarathi of Mumbai. He has given a very lovely analogy for the whole Gita as well as Vedanta.

He gives a very lovely analogy for the famous Kalia daman in Bhagavat. Kalia would be in river Yamuna and making the whole water poisonous. The cowherds requested Lord Krishna then a young boy. Krishna goes inside the river, searches for the serpent Kalia and dances on his head.

Kalia could not bear the beating of Krishna’s feet and prays him. Krishna orders him to get out of Yamuna and stay somewhere else along with his family.

Swami Parthasarathi had given an analogy for the above.

Think your heart as a pond. In the pond you have a serpent with 7 heads and a tail. Lust, anger, stinginess, infatuation, pride and jealousy and ego being the 7 vices which we have. The tail is the fear. We have to get the serpent out of our heart. Then the pond becomes totally pure. Once we do not have any vice, peace will come and engulf us. We can live peacefully.

How do you like this?

Life has so many ups and downs. People think that they have control over everything that is happening in their lives. But seriously it is not true.

There is this family which is very religious. So, religious that they don’t want any marriage alliance with some of the girls who are having some ‘bad’ stars.

Actually it is not the girl’s fault to be born under a particular star sign. Seriously it is destiny.

But look at some of the stars.

Moola – A girl born under this star cannot marry into any boy whose father is alive!

Ashlesha –  The girl with this star sign has to be married to a home where mother in law is not alive! (Good one in a way since in many houses mother in law and daughter in law do not see eye to eye and it ends up in splitting of the home)

Vishaakha – This girl has to marry the last son of a house

Jyeshtha – The eldest son of a house can marry this girl.

Funnily these rules are not there for boys! They are free to marry any girl of any star sign. But there are other things. Those things…… later. But first things first!

We had a neighbour whose daughter was a moola star girl. She was about 22 when an alliance came through a broker (or a middleman – I think this word is better! Broker gives very ‘odd’ meaning J). The call came from the house of the boy to meet. So the girl’s family went there and knocked the door.

Who opens the door - the boy’s father! The girl’s people were sure that the alliance would never take place. They did not utter a single word about the alliance. They came back home.

The girl was in a job. Her parents tried for her marriage for almost 6 years. But no avail!

Then came another alliance. They invited the boy’s family to their home this time.  To their utter shock and dismay, it was the same family to which they had gone 6 years ago!!

The boy’s father was actually a very broadminded person. Had they discussed with him this matter 6 years ago, the marriage would have taken place then itself. But this is what is destiny. She is happily married now to the same boy. Her father in law lived for quite a long time before he passed away.

The other case is my friend’s.  An old woman was living with her granddaughter.  The girl was of Moola star. The grandmother had requested my friend’s mother to suggest any boy who does not have father.  My friend’s mother had promised to search for a boy.

In the meanwhile my friend had seen the girl and fallen in love with her.  When he  came to know that the girl is of Moola star, he was sure that his mother would never accept this girl as her daughter in law since his father was alive and kicking!

He did the next best thing…. He went to a jyothish and ‘changed’ her ‘kundli’. The mother accepted the Kundli (obviously since many many characters were matching with her son’s kundli!) and suggested him to bring the girl home.

Came along with the girl, her grandmother.

My friend’s mother blew her top. What her son is thinking of? Does want to ‘kill’ his father by marrying a Moola star girl?

But my friend had already decided to go ahead and marry the girl. His relatives did not come to the marriage. Only, we, his friends were there from his side.

The mother did not come to his house again. His father died after two years. But still she has not pardoned her daughter in law (I really don’t know what her mistake is).

Even after 28 years of marriage, it is status quo.

These are just two samples.

Really worth looking into it deeply and try to adjust to the new trends.

Review

My writing has become a habit now. Whether it is good or not I do not know, since I have no idea if the ‘followers’ are reading my articles.

I have requested all of them to read. But actual reading has to be done by them! I can drag a horse to water, but to make it drink, the horse has to be thirty or my ‘article food’ must be tasty enough!

Why this question came into my mind today? It is because my non-fiction pages are getting filled; but the fiction is really limping. It is not that I do not have the ideas. I have it in plenty. I have to whole story in my mind. Only I am groping to get the right words to be put in the right place.

The time frame is removed from my novel. That means I can write anything I want (and get away with it!). A reader is supposed to be more intelligent than the writer. Or at least the writer should feel that way. Then the story would go in the right manner.

I remember my Jeevanmukhi novel, which I still consider as my best till now. The plot, the style, the characterisation … all looked perfect.

I also had this suspense element which gets open only in the last few lines of the novel, is something a reader cherishes. I have given clues in the novel in such a way that the reader feels ‘ha-ha, I have caught the author on the wrong foot. He thinks that he has written a suspense point. Unfortunately I have already guessed what he has tried to hide’

I am my own first reader. If I feel I can’t understand or can’t correlate with what has been written by me, I will immediately change the idea. If I can’t change the idea, then the story is gone.

I have a few plots developed up to almost 40 pages and left unfinished. The punch is missing in those novels. You may call them ha-baked. I wish they were like the base of a pizza which you can bring home, add the ingredients and convert it into a mouth slurping pizza.

But come to think of it…. We can’t please the whole fraternity. There are people who are never satisfied with whatever been served to them.

I remember the reviews which came for my novel Jeevamukhi in the weekly magazine Sudha. They had published almost 20 reviews. Most the reviews were very inspiring. They made me feel happy. Most of them had identified the theme; they had understood what I had tried to tell in the novel. They had expressed their happiness for giving them such a good novel.

But there were two reviews which I relish. One of them had written that ‘the author has given stuff of novels in one novel’. I remember I had written the same review to another magazine when my favourite authoress had written a novel! To get the same review for my novel made me feel as if this was a poetic justiceJ

But the other one takes the cake.  The reader had written like this: A very ordinary subject with very ordinary characters. The novelist has written this in a very ordinary way for 22 weeks. This was a boring novel.

Wow, a good review at last, I thought. I only wondered how the reader could have gone through the novel week after week cursing and finally decided to share the feelings by writing  a candid review.

See, this is what I said about we can’t please them all.

Importantly, a novel or any writing should have a very good character – readability.

Don't harm others, but should we tolerate someone's harm to us?

When I got up at 4.09 am today morning I did know that I would be in an irritant mood. I got up as usual. Went on the treadmill for 40 minutes (Now I can’t go for one hour, looks like I have become old suddenly!) and came out to water the plants. My foot got hurt because there were small stones, part of cement and small pieces of bricks.

The next door neighbor Mr. S H is rebuilding his house. He totally demolished the house, dug the ground again, and drilled a bore-well (a second one), built pillars and now constructing walls.

He has already broken (not he, it is just a figure of speechJ) the slab which was just outside our gate. That is yet to be properly repaired and placed. Bricks are covering our space near the gate.

We have to keep quiet and tolerate all this because we are neighbors!

The demolition time was quite horrific. The dust and the noise was so much that I had to keep my computer closed. Generally our computer keeps downloading something or the other.

Later the attack from the bore-well noise. Ooh, it was horrible. 3 or 4 days we had kept our house windows and doors shut in the hot summer.

He offered lip sympathy.. sorry, I hope you are not bothered.. I also had to tell it’s ok. We have to be patient because we respect the neighbors.

Today all these annoyance must have got together and I blew my top. No one to tell them, horrible people, they don’t care to come and clean in the evening everyday etc.,

My wife Usha had already requested them to do the cleaning every day which has not been carried out.

Now, when she heard me talking loudly, she came to the window and told don’t make so much of noise.

I was also annoyed. Why are you saying this? No, no people will be still sleeping and we have no right to make such noise.

This really made me more annoyed. I asked her, I know that we should not harm others, does that mean that we need to even tolerate any harm from others?

This reminded me of a parable I love.

There was a snake at the edge of the forest bordering a town. People of the town were afraid to cross the forest because the snake was biting anyone passing it.

One day there was a monk talking about non-violence and the advantages of being friendly. The snake had a change of heart. When the monk was passing that side the snake went near him. He got frightened.

The snake said, “Sir, I want to follow non-violence. Can you help me?”

The monk said after much thinking, “Do not bite anyone who comes near you”

Snake accepted and the monk went off.

Then one day a boy came there suddenly. He did not know about the snake in the forest edge.

He took a stone and threw it on the snake. The snake got annoyed, but remembered the monk’s words just in time. It kept quiet.

The boy grew bolder and took a stick and beat the snake. The snake was lying like a log.

The news spread that the snake is harmless. The boys came, the people who had got bitten came, the people whose relatives and friends were bitten came. They all beat the snake to pulp. The snake hid in the forest. It was afraid even to go for its food.

Fortunately for the snake, the monk came that day morning. He was aghast when he saw the snake.

The snake told that it is because of his words that it has been beaten almost to death.

The monk smiled and said, “I did say not to bite. Did I say that you should not hiss?”

It dawned to the snake that it had the defence mechanism in itself!

I was remembering this story when I had raised my voice in the morning.

I know that we should not harm others. We even teach our children this. But tolerating someone’s injustice is not at all justice!

But annoyance clouds the mind and anger blinds the judgment.

What a pity!

Thought for the day fifteen

Do not be jealous

We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. We know that we work harder than our colleagues in the office but they get promotions, we do not. We started a business several years ago but we are not as successful as our neighbor whose business is only one year old. Should we be jealous? No, remember everybody’s life is shaped by his previous karma that has now become his destiny. If we are destined to be rich not the entire world can stop us. If we are not destined no one can help us either. Nothing will be gained by blaming others for our misfortune. Jealousy will not get us anywhere, but will only give us restlessness. This restlessness will lead to loss of peace of mind.

The above paragraph is a loaded one. I read it somewhere and using it here. Thanks oh, the original author!

We can analyze each sentence and bring out our own thoughts.

We will start from the beginning. The first sentence first. Jealousy can disturb our peace of mind. The best example is in the epic of Mahabharat. The prince Duryodhana, though is in a good position due to the reason that he is the son of the monarch Dhritarashtra, was very jealous of his cousins, the Pandavas.

It is not that Duryodhana was a lesser warrior. He was a very great warrior. But he found that his five cousins were having extra power by which they were more popular. Actually it is not so. They were good in behavior with the elders. This gave them an edge. So, Duryodhana was never in peace with himself. He did not allow anyone to be peaceful!

We need not be jealous of others. There is a saying Jogi gets what he gets and Bhogi gets what he gets.

We feel we work harder. But our colleague who is not at all seemed to be working will get away with all the promotions. The ugly head of green eyed monster will lift its head. In many of the cases we would not be able to see what the other is doing. So, the assumption that we are good and the other is not good carries for a long time in our mind. Here we have to give a try to feel good about others. So what if he has got the promotion? May be he deserves it. If we have this feeling, probably we will be retaining our peace of mind. There is a factor called luck. That also plays a main role in this.

Take the case of doing business. We see some of them struggling for years and still not getting the required results. Some other person who started the business recently sees the success. How is it possible?

Simple. There is a saying that planning is 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration and there are people who tell the reverse too.

The person, whom we see as a new businessman, may have done a perfect planning. His homework must be really good. That is why he has been able to taste profit early in his business. Since we do not see this portion, we feel that we have been cheated by God (nature) and we are actually wrong.

Many times we would jump into a bus thinking that it is the last bus and hang on at the footboard and travel. To our dismay we see that the next bus is going very empty!

Murphy’s law! We would not know what problems the other person has undergone or what extra effort (which you have not known) has been put in by the other person.

We need not lose our peace of mind thinking about this. This is something we have to overcome and think a little above this.

Let this be continued in the next article.

Thought for the day fourteen

Do not crave for recognition

A great advice! Recognition is something which everyone loves. But we should think twice to know from whom the praise is coming from.

The world is full of selfish people. They seldom praise anybody without any selfish motive. They may praise us today because we are rich and have power; but no sooner we are powerless, they will forget our achievement and start criticizing us.

Moreover, no one is perfect. Then why do we have to value the words of praise of another mortal like us? Why should we crave for recognition? It is better to believe in ourselves. People’s praises do not last long. We have to do our duties sincerely and leave the rest to God.

The Lord of the Song, Sri Krishna says sincerely do your duty and leave the result to ME.

Recognition is a very crazy notion. Generally people will become obsessive with this. The recognition is such a heady drink which everyone wants to drink. The extroverts show off and try to grab the attention, fight for the fame. The introverts swallow and crave in their hearts, but do not show it outside.

If we do not get the recognition which we think deserve, then we cringe inside and slowly go down. If we get some recognition and then it is removed from us, the feeling we undergo is a torture.

There are many examples. We can take any politician as an example. When he becomes an MLA, then a minister or even Chief Minister his joy has no bounds. Suppose he is thrown out of his power, becomes a victim of the circumstances which sends him to jail, the peace of mind is totally lost.

The craving for coming back to power is as bad as the recognition. People around us take advantage of our position. If we are in power, people get stuck to us like a bunch of house flies sitting on a piece of jaggery. I can think of a still worse example. But let me be decentJ

When we are in power, we have everything available anytime and that too on a platter. Each person will start serving us with a hidden agenda. The sole idea of getting something out of the power we are enjoying is in their mind.

We could be helpful to them, which could be our natural instinct. But, on the other hand, if we do not have the eagerness to help others, we may be forced to do some of the things which are not at all advisable.

Among those things, if we are forced to sign some document which we are not supposed to sign, we had it! The peace of mind is totally gone. We would be worried always whether there is a police enquiry, enquiry commission or a CBI enquiry! Why sign and then repent?

There is a saying in Kannada Language. You should not go behind the fame. Then it will come to you by itself. Funnily the converse is also true. The more you try to catch it, the more it distances itself from you.

It is almost like the golden deer Sita wanted Rama to catch! It never got into Rama’s hands. It was a maya of the demons is a different issue. But, it did not come to Sita is the point to be noted.

And the people! Who are they? They want to get some advantage out of us when we are famous or in power. The moment we are out of power, they vanish from our lives. If they just vanish, it is ok. They would even do harm by badmouthing us; they try to join hands with people who are now in power.

The best people? The people who stay with us in thick and thin, the people who don’t care about your status or fame, but be friendly with us.

With such people, we are left with peace of mind. We can be rest assured that we can retain it.

Thought for the day thirteen

Forget and forgive

If we need peace of mind, this is the most powerful tool which will aid to very large extent. We end up developing bad feeling in our heart for a person who harms or insults us.

We forget that the insult or the injury happened to us one time only. But by keeping on thinking about it and nourishing the grievance, the wound keeps getting bigger and it never gets healed.

The act of forgetting and forgiving should be developed to overcome this. There is God and the Karma. If someone hurts us, he would be answerable to the God.

Do we have so many lives to keep on harping about these things?

The best way is to forgive and forget because many a times we would have fought about some trivial thing.

We should move on in our life.

Some of our best friends would have been separated from us for silly reason. The heated moment would bring out animals from us. The words slip out before we could stop. Once spoken the words can’t be taken back. The damage is done. If the friendship is beyond this trivia, it survives. Otherwise, the bad blood flows between them.

If one of them takes a step forward to forgive and forget, the friendship survives, which can be called time-tested. Otherwise, other people will definitely have a field day talking all rot about the ‘so-called’ friendship. Both the parties will suffer silently because they are separated by a stupid reason. Now they are unable to make a contact. The loss of peace of mind leads to lack of concentration at whatever thing they take up. This further leads to bad name, may be suspension. This may sound little high handed, but I have seen cases like this. So, if you have erred with your close friend for a silly reason, please make it a point to forget the incident and forgive the person. Go and hug him/her and make sure the pond of friendship is again pure and crystal clear. You may not wait for the other person to take the first step. What stops you? Your ego? What is ego in front of a time-tested friendship? Or the friend who was with you in thick and thin all these years.

Suppose the other person does not respond favorably to your advances of re-establishment of friendship? Why should one feel denigrate in front of a close friend? The situation might have led to this misunderstanding. Then we leave it. The water in the pond should not be stirred (like queries and pestering).

Once the water is clear and all the dirt gets settled under, the situation would be seen very clearly and may be the other person understands and takes a step forward to bury the hatchet.

When Lord Sri Krishna forgives so many mistakes of Shishupala, Bheeshma, Duryodhana who were enemies as far as the links between them are concerned, we are a very small fry. We can definitely forgive our friends.

Lord Rama offered to forgive Ravana many times. But his death was destined to happen in the hands of Rama. So, he died.

I was talking to my friend M. He used to move around with another colleague of his. Both used to come up for evening snacks. They were very friendly, chatting and eating together. They were almost a pair.

I asked one of them who is a friend of mine what happened. He came out with his story. The other person, let us call him S, suddenly asked my friend M not to move with him to all the places.

The reason given was not encouraging. S told M that he has family and he is not of ‘that’ type. My friend looks little timid, a musician. He too has told S that he has a family. Now no talk. I believe someone made an unsavory comment about their moving together in the office.

M was hurt to a very large extent. After one month of suffering,  he has recovered.

Now S chats with him, messages him saying that I don’t mind you talking to me in the night or chatting with me. But I don’t want to be seen with you in the office.

Do you think it is fair?

M has forgiven S. He has forgotten the misgivings of S. But what is M’s mistake?

Thought for the day twelve

Attaining mental peace is a great achievement. It is most sought after ‘matter’ in human being’s life. We are all always will be in a state of restlessness which seems perpetual. Some of the rules (which we have to build ourselves) and follow to gain the peace of mind.

We should not poke our nose in others’ lives

We often tend to push ourselves forcefully into other people’s affairs by interfering. That too we do it too many times. We do like that since we are sure that our logic is the best logic. If we tell someone that they should follow us, they have to follow our advice because we know the best. The worst part is that those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and pulled to come to the right direction which is the direction we are showing!

If we show such an attitude denies the existence of individuality. The nature (or God) has created each person with a specific purpose and in a unique style. No two individuals can think in the same way or act in the same style. There is something called brain and heart in each person which prompts the individual to behave that way. We have to mind our business. Then we will have peace.

There are people in this world who are really good. They give advice to the person when the person comes to them seeking help. The best way of giving suggestion is to probe the person who is seeking help. Asking him the relevant questions, trying to get solution out of them. The replies given by the seeker should give him/her enough stuff to take care of their problems. There is actually no need to ‘impose’ our ideas on them. The real counselors do that way.

But there are people. You can call them pain in the neck. They always create such a situation that you won’t be able to see straight (because of the pain in the neck!). Instead of doing helping the help seeker, they will start telling, “If I were you, I would have done like this... instead of like that”. This not only does not give the seeker of help any assistance, it even confuses the person.

Such people are not welcome by anyone. If you see from the point of view of that person, he won’t be happy at all. When? When you decide not to follow his directions. This makes the person lose his peace of mind.

His words did not work. He is ignored. He doesn’t like it.

There are many people in the world who give free advice. May be there is some stuff in some of the advices; but in general, very bad advices are given by them.

They won’t care to understand the other person’s position. They won’t be able to tolerate if they are ignored.

We may love them, which they like. We may hate them which means we think of them. This is also acceptable to them. But, if we ignore them, they become sad, go mad, act bad.

Funny people. They can live comfortably. They don’t want to do that. They want to poke their nose where it is not required. They interfere unnecessarily. Get hurt if their ideas are not implemented by others. Lose their sleep over the ‘disappointment’ and their peace goes into pieces.

Best advice for them is ‘if you want your peace of mind to be intact, better keep your advices to yourself and leave the others alone’.

Goodbye Bunty:-(

Bunty left for the heavenly abode. I called our mutual friend Nagendra to know when he is going to the hospital to have the last darshan of Bunty’s body. He said 10’0 clock at Apollo Hospital Bannerghatta Road.

I left on my scooter at 9.15 am from my home on Uttarahalli Road. Since the road is known to me quite well, I rode at a sedate speed. I reached the Hospital despite some confusion about the Road being made one way minutes before my entry!

I parked the scooter and searched for the mortuary since I knew the body has been kept there since the day of his death. Mortuary was closed and the staff confirmed that there is a body.

I called Nagendra. He said he is at the back of the Hospital. I enquired someone and they said there is only one mortuary.

I went round once again and finally discovered, to my dismay, that the Road is indeed Bannerghatta Road, but the hospital where I was searching turned out to be Sagar Hospital. Till recently the hospital was known as Sagar Apollo Hospital!

That means I had another 5 kms to ride. But Nagendra told me to proceed to the Banashankari Crematorium and wait for him (and the body).

So I went. They were yet to come. It was a very peaceful area. After about half hour’s wait, the Maruti Omni van carrying Bunty’s body came there.

I went and saw the body. No one was around. I felt very sad. He was just 8 months younger to me. Does that mean I am living an extended life? Is that all what is called life?

I have heard that a lot of philosophy (and Vedanta and Vairagya) take birth when we visit a dead body, especially in a crematorium.

After sometime the relatives were trying to get the body along with the stretcher inside the crematorium for conducting the last rites. I also lifted the body along with the others. It has become almost my ‘duty’ during all deaths to give me support to lift the body.

Nagendra came just then. We stood for a few minutes and then came out and went on talking about our lives.

Funny, we were never able to meet each other for quite a long time. The last time I saw him was on 20^th August 2010, the day on which my mother had passed away.

We talked about many things. In fact, many of our ideas matched. We spoke about everything possible under the sun.

He was waiting for 2 of his colleagues who were supposed to come for the last ‘face seeing’ as it is called Kannada.

They did not turn up. He called them. They said they were on the way.

I took a photo of Nagendra for my caller ID. It was grotesque to do that there. But I have read somewhere, death is a phenomenon where a person is dead and others continue to live, till it is their turn to kick the bucket. In fact, nothing will stop, our eating, drinking and sleeping. Only person who would not be there is the person who is dead.

The rites were over. The body was pushed into the oven. We did not see it actually. We were making use of the time the best possible way to share our woes and sorrows and joys.

His colleagues did not turn up.

Bunty’s brother who conducted the last rites came out. I introduced myself. He knew me!

He told that he had heard Bunty talking to me and he heard one sided conversation. Either it was some cross word puzzle clue or some other funny topic.

They were all leaving. Nagendra offered to drop them.

His colleagues did not turn up. I also left in a hurry since I had to go to the Bank to drop a cheque. Being a Saturday, Bank was to be closed early. Like I said earlier, only Bunty is gone. We are all still living till He calls us to tell that our business on this earth is over.

By the way, I wanted to show Nagendra the photo I took which I had used as Bunty’s caller ID.

The photo was small and I dialled Bunty’s number. The photo got enlarged and Nagendra saw it.

I suddenly realised that Bunty is not there to say “Hello” on the other side and disconnected the phoneL

Hastakshepa

Now I am planning to write in English. I mean a fiction and a non-fiction, that too by end September 2012.

I am doing the writing in English. Even the thinking is in English!

I remember my German teacher mentioning about thinking in German Language when you need to write German sentences!

But come to think of it… I have done thinking in English Language way back in 1996 itself!

I was in a company which was selling Coffee and Tea harvesting and curing machines. I used to be on the site. I was staying in many coffee and tea estates. During the free time, I was writing in odd sheets of paper.

Yeah, I had seen a weekly magazine called The Asia Week probably covering many Asian Countries. There was this article called ‘Occupational Hazards’. I felt very bad when I read the article.

It was about a South Eastern Asian Country. The capital city Police ‘found’ 3 journalists dead during different days. They dubbed the deaths as ‘accidents’. The article made my blood boil. How callous one can be?

The journalists were trying to expose a few misgivings of the Government machinery and they were brutally murdered and the murders were branded as accidents.

The article set me thinking. This is not just some Government of some Country. It could happen anywhere. After all, the Government is people, where most of them turn to be very ambitious and ruthless when it comes to earning unaccounted money and saving the chair respectively.

So, I started the story with an Indian Background.

A State in this country. A Chief Minister. His daughter and 4 journalists.

Mitrajeet, the hero of my story hits upon some illegal activities happening in the CM’s house. He does it only by chance. He tries to investigate. The investigations takes him to many places. He meets many people.

To his shock, he comes to know that 3 honest journalists meet horrible ends. Their mistake – trying to expose some underhand dealings happening at the highest level.

Actually I did not try to add anything extra. The article (one page article) itself provided me with all the stuff.

I added some local colour by making one journalist a Hindu, the second one a Muslim and the third one a Christian. After all, the journalism does not know caste or creed. It only knows one thing – truth to be told to the readers. A sort of scavenging job, not so well paid, but giving a lot of satisfaction of making people aware of the unknown immoral activities.

The story really went well. The novel was published in Kannada Prabha magazine as a daily serial. I did get a good number of ‘good’ reviews as a mature writing.

The book was also published by my friend Vijay. He suggested me to talk to the artist for the cover page.

So I sat with Mr. Monappa who has done cover pages for quite a good number of my novels.

I told him that I wanted a politician with only poison in his body.  Journalism is the real hero of my book. If it is possible a few newspaper clippings which talked about attack on journalists.

Wow, the cover page which was done by Mr. Monappa was fantastic!

There was this politician who could be easily recognised by his ‘Gandhi’ cap. (I don’t know why the cap is synonymous with Gandhi who stood his whole life for truth!) A pen with ink dropping. He also had made a collage of newspaper cuttings with headlines ‘screaming’ about attack and unnatural deaths of journalists.

I find this novel as a special one since I took a subject which is like a newspaper item, but still made it interesting till the end.

It’s called ‘Hastakshepa’ meaning putting your hand where it is not required – a typical of corrupt politicians!

Bunty

I knew him as Ramachandran. Alladi Ramachandran Iyer!

I met him when I was working in CIFTech Solutions which was selling hospital management software.

He was the Chartered Accountant for the company.

Slowly I came to get acquainted with him. He took his time to be friendly with me. May be he was studying me. He must have felt after time that I am a harmless person!

He was a great fun to talk to. The puns of his were so good that I used to call him ‘pun’dit!

My days were so good when we were working together in CIFTech. The way he was giving twists to the words, wow! Unbelievable!

He was well versed in Kannada, Telugu, Tamil as well.

He was once talking about Wockhardt Hospital which is a heart hospital in Bangalore.  He was making a statement like this : unDEdhe okka heartu.. be careful! Meaning we have only one heart, so, be careful! The name Wockhardt had given him this chance of making pun.

One more time I was almost sure that he is reading my mind. I was making an article about some subject.. (now I have forgotten what was the subject). I was struggling from the morning and finally thought it’s enough for now and wrote at the end of the Word file ... so far so good...

I closed the computer and Ramachandran walked in from outside. I told about the article. He quipped “so, so far so good?” I was stunned.

I travelled with him to Andhra Pradesh many times – the border cities like Anantapur, Kadapa and even the capital city of Hyderabad.

I came to know that he is not married and he is diabetic. He was 1958 born, which makes him 8 months younger to me.

I went to his house many times and met his parents. We were all (yes, his parents, himself and I) eager crossword puzzle solvers. They were experts and I an incumbent. Any time I had a doubt about filling any box, I used to call him. Either himself, or one of his parents were helping me!

He used to pick up some Sundays to come to my home. His route was via Vidyarthi Bhavan in Gandhi Bazar. He was buying 12 Masala Dosas for which we five (I, Usha – my wife, my 2 kids and my mother and himself) were the eaters!

My kids used to say “oh, Masala dosa uncle!” those days.

Usha used to prepare some delicacies. We used to eat together, spend some time together.  Great time we had!

His family had come once home. I had taken by family to his house.

I had given my absurd novel ‘Gaathe’ to his aunt to read. I believe she was talking utter nonsense for a week after completing the novel!

Out of the blue, a few months ago he called one day and said that his mother passed away. I felt very bad.

More recently he called me and asked for some Kannada books for one of his aunts (no, not the one I mentioned above. She has passed away). I told that I will come at least in the pretext of giving the books.

I went his home on 12^th May 2012. He was on the bed, looking quite bad. But he was the usual cheery person. His sister, he and his father sat in front of me and we had a good chat. It was as if there was no gap between my earlier visit and today!

He remembered his aunt being little out of sync when she finished my novel Gaathe. Incidentally my Gaathe had been reprinted and I carried a copy of that to give to him.

Today morning Usha calls me and says that she got the news that Ramachandran alias Bunty is no more.

I have no words to express my grief L

Thought of the day eleven

If we realize that wars are born in the minds of men, we would make greater efforts for peace of mind

Let us think about the pre independent India even before British invasion. There were so many small States/Kingdoms. Each one had a King and a few hundred populations. Out of the lot there were soldiers. When a King wanted to acquire the neighborhood kingdom, he used to wage a war by attacking the kingdom. This was resulting in lots of deaths and wounds. What was being achieved? The king one used to be king of the neighborhood kingdom too. Was it worth it? No one would dare to reply this question since the damage is done. King one was ruling the other kingdom too.

Just because the king one had an idea that he should acquire the other kingdom the battle took place ending up in deaths, sorrows, losses to the families of the warriors on both sides. Was it worth?

Those were the days when people used to be bloodthirsty. They thought that their life achieved their goal by winning the battle. What they lost in the bargain was not being thought. The peace of the land is lost, peace of mind is gone.

There were some kings who took a bold step to avoid battles. They used to stop the war at the cost of their children’s happiness. Whether their son/daughter liked it or not, the kings ensured the neighborhood king’s daughter/son is married to their children. The kids might not have peace of mind; but looking at the larger perspective this method worked for some.

In Ramayan, Ravan wanted to have Sita for himself. The possessiveness led to the death of thousands of warriors. Both the demons and monkeys lost their dear lives, making their family drown in sorrow for the rest of their lives.

In Mahabharat, Duryodhan became the cause for slaying of 18 akhouhiNi army consisting of people, elephants and horses.

The internal fight of Yadavas ended up in making thousands of women widows and thousands of children orphans.

The legacy is continuing even today. We have seen how neighbors fight, infiltrate to the enemy country and topple the tower of peace.

The terrorists are of another extreme. They use some stupid reason to destroy buildings, planes and in the bargain even people. The bereaved will be left to grieve.

The repercussion of a death of an earning member of the family ends up in searching for the livelihood. The hunger leads to fights, murders and loss of peace of mind.

Are these necessary? Can’t we live peacefully in harmony?

The people who think of war should be banished from the house, city and even country. The example of Yugoslavia ending up in three pieces can be thought of. The new border lines would leave the people in confusion. When someone crosses the line to meet his/her relative in the other part of the same country, it is not guaranteed that he reaches the other place alive.

So sad state of affairs..

Peace of mind is the state which everyone is eager to achieve, but do not give even a small try. It is not a commodity which you can buy from the market. The money can buy you facilities, equipment, even health (say a kidney or liver transplant) but peace of mind...never!

The same thing has to be achieved by us with a good amount of effort. We should think of having peace, put the required efforts and work towards achieving the same.

Looks easy... but will it happen that easily?

We should try and check!

Thought for the day ten

Remember that you are very special. NO ONE else can play your role better than you

This should increase the self confidence in people. We are all special. We are not inferior to anyone else in this world. Just because we think like this, we need not denigrate others. We have no right to do that.

If we see the world in the scientific way, we are all equal. Nature (or God) has given all of us 2 eyes, 2 ears etc.,

The weight of the brain is also same for everyone. Then why we think we are inferior to others? Or why should we think that we are superior to others?

Each has a specific role to play in this world. Some people’s roles come to be known to everyone in this world. For example, Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Rabindranath Tagore to name a few.

There are others who help the world in their own way. But they all get categorized under unanimous. They are keen to help others, but they don’t want their names to be known by the world.

When the life is like this, we should be careful not to hurt others. This is to be seen in another way. If the other person hurts us, do we tolerate? No!

We should treat the others the way we want them to treat us!

We have been brought to this world to do something special. There are people who build our houses, people who build prayer halls, people who build hospitals; we even have people who build crematoriums!

That means each has done his duty. Same way someone sells us vegetables, some give us water and some others give us service like driving a Bus, Taxi, Auto.

So, we have to think positively and do our work like the Sun.

No one is like the Sun. It comes up in the East at the stipulated time, gives light and heat and goes down in the West at the stipulated time. It doesn’t mean that the Sun is out. When we have the darkness, the Sun has gone to give light to the Western Countries. Amazing, isn’t it?

The Sun is called the Karma saakshi in Sanskrit. He will be the witness to our doing (and undoing!). It doesn’t feel happy that there is a birth in a house where sunlight is being shone. Or it doesn’t feel unhappy that someone died in someone’s house!

I do not say that we should be without any feeling. What I mean is that nothing should bring hindrance in our duty. My idea is that we should shirk away from our duty.

If one is a carpenter by his profession, he could be the best person to do the carpentry work. If he is asked to make a pot, he may not be the best person.

This is on the professional front. On the personal front, I am son /daughter to our parents, brother/sister to our brothers and sisters, husband/wife to our respective spouses, father/mother to our children.

This looks very silly, but seriously, it is a matter of high importance. Imagine anyone is missing in our lives, we feel forlorn. This is where the statement no one can play our role better than us rings true.

Thought for the day nine

We explore the stars and the depths of the sea but how much do we know about ourselves and the reason for being here?

There is a song in a Kannada Movie “oh civilized man, you learnt to fly like bird in the sky, you learnt how to swim like fish in the water, but you did not learn to live on the earth”

So true! We have conquered the skies and the seas. When it comes to live on earth, we have so many complexes.

First and foremost thing is the comparison. We tend to compare ourselves with others. Unfortunately for all wrong reasons.

If someone who sees a man with one leg and thinks ‘Thank God, I have two legs. I am grateful to you’ is a good way of comparison.

On the other hand, ‘Oh, why my neighbor has two cars and I have only one?’ is a bad way of comparison.

This comparison leads to a lot of complications. I have seen people going out of the way to earn enough money for the second car, but in nefarious means.

The chase of a golden deer always ends in defeat, sorrow.

I have seen a sparrow building nest in my home during late ‘60s. First it was a pair. Then the mother sparrow laid eggs and sat on it for giving warmth to the eggs.

One day the small sparrow kids started making noise. The mother and father brought worms and fed them to the kids. After a few days, the worms were brought, but not fed. They were put in front of the kids. The kids ate themselves. Then one day, as I was watching, the mother sparrow made the kid sparrow stand on the edge of the nest and gave it a push.

The kid sparrow screamed in fear and spread its wings. But it did not fall down as it feared. It flew happily.

The next day the nest became empty. All the birds had flown away. New place, new babies...

Really, the animals and birds have been taught by nature, what exactly they have to do when they take birth.

They are born, they grow, they mate, they reproduce, they die.

I have heard somewhere, Man is the only animal who eats when he is not hungry, drinks when he is not thirsty and has sex when it is not the season.

This is very true with humans. They have complexes which are missing in animals. Animals have pain, pleasure, fear etc., but no complexes.

Bhalaa mera shirt us se safed kyon nahin was a famous detergent powder’s advertisement. How come my shirt is not as white as his?

So, the differences start from a small issue like whiteness of a shirt. Is it really required? Are we living for others? why do we feel inferior when our neighbor has a better living style? Can we compare ourselves with others in everything? NO, It is not possible.

I remember my childhood days. I was brought up in a Railway Colony. The quarters had similar sized houses. The men used to have friendship. The women were sharing each other’s joy and sorrows. We kids unmindful of any of the undercurrents were playing with each other. We had no complexes. No, not the kids, even the elders did not have any problems. No one bothered if the other home had a new radio. We used to go and enjoy the music, movie sound tracks. This is because we felt all are equal.

Well, that is one thing we have to think of. If we are equal, no competition, no disappointment. Correct?

We are here because the nature has decided that we have to be a part of this big bad world. We have to think of survival and well-being of our children.

I always feel our life is divided into three parts. One – the life from birth to the marriage. Two – The spouse, the children, their education etc., till they become independent. Three – Balance life if anything is still left.

Beyond that, nothing else!

Thought for the day eight

If man cannot find peace within himself, can there be peace in this world?

This is the highest level of philosophy. Man gets born, gets educated, starts earning, the desire to earn more and more gets imbibed in him, this leads to race against time and the earning would be against the cost of peace of mind, well most of the times and with most men/women.

I think each one of us will undergo this torture. When we are having a job, this would be in a competitive world. I need more money than my neighbor/ friend. At what cost? Health? Peace?

Yes, this is the in thing now. We have pollution everywhere, variety of them. One of the worst is noise pollution. This means, the exterior peace is gone.

Inner peace has to come from within. People go to Himalayas to get the peace. We see people going to resorts in the weekends saying ‘far from the madding crowd’

I have read a novel by Mr. Yandamoori Veerendranath, famour Telugu author. The author has lost his wife somewhere and he goes in search of her. Her name is Shanti. When we come to the end of the novel we come to know that he is referring to Peace (Shanti in Sanskrit) which is being lost by him.

Really a very poignant way of narrating the loss and gain of peace.

There is a story of a king who comes to know that a monk in the forest has a coin which gives peace of mind. So the king goes to the forest and meets the monk who is in his hut. The monk smiles when the King says he wants the coin to get peace.

The monk agrees but says, I will hide it in this hut. You have to search and take it.

The king agrees. That night the king stays in the hut on the insistence of the monk. Early in the morning the monk goes out. The king now decides to search for the coin.

He goes on searching everywhere in the hut. The hut was quite small and not many hiding places!

By the time the monk comes back the king would have searched the whole place and failed.

The monk asks, did you find it?

The king says no.

Did you search the whole place? Asks the monk.

Yes, says the king exasperated.

The monk walks to the pillow on which the king had kept his head previous night and removes the coin from below the pillow.

The king did not even think of looking at that place.

The monk says, oh Rajah, the peace is not anywhere else, it is within you. If you try to find it outside, you will be sadly disappointed.

Yes, the peace is within. We have to close the physical ears to the noise around us whenever we want peace.

I would be very peaceful when I sit alone on a beach. The noisy waves give me very soothing feeling. Same with a water fall. The water falling sound is like music to my ears.

Sounds funny? No, please try to sit (of course, alone!) in these places and experience the same. I find peace even in the noisiest place if I chant a single word or a mantra of any God. We can keep repeating it in mind so that the concentration will go towards that and calmness surrounds our mind.

Still, I feel music could be the best thing. Not the bang bang one. Any rhythmic sound.. say it could be TR Mahalingam’s flute or Beethoven’s violin. If we listen to them with our open inner ears, peace will come and engulf us.

Well, there could be more methods which you all use.

Haasu Hokku

I think it was somewhere in 1997. I read an article in The Week magazine. It was a sex crime article. The incident had taken place in Surat, Gujarat State.

A constable had killed a woman in the Court in front of thousands of witnesses. He was shouting that she swindled him of his happiness.

It was not that straight forward a case. There were many twists and turns. The twists were so much that the writer of the article had given a sketch which read something like this.

There were six boxes. Each was depicted with A, B, C, D, E, F.  There were arrow marks. They read like this. A was in love with B. A was married to C. D is in relation with B. E had an eye on C. F was lusting B... oh, it was so confusing; but it was fascinating as well.

The writer in me urged me to write a short story. But the format was not too small for such a level of convolutions in the story.

So, I decided to write a novel.

The first and foremost doubt was whether I will be able to justify the theme. The idea was good. But the undercurrent sex was very critical to handle.

I should write about sex, but it should not make the reader cringe.  Well, my first reader for myself. If I feel I have gone overboard, I could change the words. With this decision, I started writing.

How to start?

Basically the first scene has to be interesting for reader to continue reading and complete the novel.

I have read many Agatha Christie’s detective novels. When a murder scene is set in a big hotel with too many guests, it is a marvel how Ms. Christie explains the numerous characters without making the reader get confused.

I decided to take the best route. I started the story with the murder of a woman and a man being reported.

Then I went back to the flashback.

There is this married woman who is having an eye on a handsome younger man. That man is also being loved by a unmarried girl. The man is a flirt. He plays with both the women and gets what he wants.

The married woman also plots well to get the younger man nearer to her.

There is another track. The married woman is the second wife of her husband. The husband has a son Chinnu who is a very timid boy.  The husband conveniently ‘forgets’ to mention that he has a son from the first marriage. The wife ensures that her husband catches his young son in a compromising situation with her. The boy Chinnu is thrown out of the house.

Now, the present. The married woman is bored of her husband. She cleverly poisons him and disposes his body.

The story goes further with many more twists and turns. The Police Inspector is behind the real culprit.

Ultimately when the married woman is being produced in the Court on the accusation of killing her husband, a police constable shoots and kills her.

The biggest twist in the story is that the police constable is Chinnu who  was thrown out of the house by the same woman.

The story came out well. With the usual enthusiasm I sent it to a weekly magazine where my mentor was the editor.

When I called him after a few weeks, he asked me to meet with him.

He was very polite. But I knew something was wrong. He said, “Yathiraj, the story is good. But there are eight sex scenes. I can’t put it in front of my readers. Sorry!”

I was stunned. As far as I remember I have not written even one word which makes the reader feel uncomfortable. Of course, I had to symbolically mention that there is sex happening between people, because it was the crux of the whole story.

I took it back and gave it to a new weekly magazine. It was in cold storage for some time and again was returned politely.

This time I took it to Kannada Prabha newspaper. They had already published many of my novels as daily serials. So, I was a sort of well-known thereJ

I met the then editor Mr. Sadashiva. While handing over the manuscript I mentioned that the novel has been rejected by two magazines.

He asked me what was the subject. I said “The story is about sex”.

He looked at me for a moment and asked “will the readers die with a heart failure by reading your novel?”

I smiled and said No sir.

He accepted the novel and it was published as a daily serial in Kannada Prabha.

The novel got rave reviews by the readers. “Mature writing”, “Good study of human psychology” etc.,

The novel I am writing about is called Haasu Hokku meaning ebb and tide in a cloth. I say that the love and sex are like ebb and tide of a cloth. Only the mix has to be proper!

Jeevanmukhi

After completing my absurd novel ‘Gaathe’ I went to office for 2 months (1996) and again fell sick.

Doctors advised me to take rest for about a month. The sickness made my attitude very negative. I was depressed very much.

At that time I was attracted by an article in the Telugu Weekly Swati. It narrated a poignant story of a 70 year old woman in Canada who was waiting for her son from 42 years. The boy was 9 when he vanished from her life. Her husband was caught in embezzlement in a Bank. A computer expert has prepared her son’s photograph of today using computer technology. People say that they have seen such a person. The story has appeared in many Canadian magazines. But still her son has turned up to see the mother.

I felt much moved with this incident. Here is a mother who is waiting for her son. I thought of making a novel out of the incident. But the length was not enough. What is life? It is only relative. We always relate to others. We are poorer than our neighbors, She is beautiful than her sister etc.,

With this idea, I thought of another woman who discards her child. Why should she discard? She is a famous actress. If she is famous and unmarried, but circumstances lead her to get pregnant, what will she do? One is, she is famous and planning to go up the ladder of fame. Secondly, there is a lot of taboo attached to unwed mothers. Well, nowadays it is common to be a single mother. So, I had to go back in time, 1975. What was so special? Emergency, riots, etc.,

So, I decided to make my heroine a counselor. Her name is Vasundharaa. It means earth. Mother earth is synonymous with patience. She loses her son. Her husband runs away with bank money. But she keeps her face towards life and keeps on helping people. She is a nurse in an old age home. She comes to Bangalore from Belgaum to search for her son.

The other heroine is Lalanaa. Lalanaa means woman. She is full of color. She is a famous Hindi movie heroine. She gets fame. She gets caught in a blizzard in Simla and saved by a man. The blizzard continues for a week and these two become lovers. Once the blizzard is over, both go away without even giving the details of each other to each other. She becomes pregnant. She can’t remove the child. She is forced drive her car alone to Ooty. A girl child is born before time. The premature baby survives. She abandons the child in a hut and runs away to Bombay.

The two meet in a train. Actually the story starts from here. Both become fellow travellers in a coupe of a bogie. Lalanaa comes to know that Vasundhara has come to search for her son using her ‘foster’ son’s friend Jnaaneshwar.

She takes a liking for Vasundharaa and asks her to stay in her home. She is also alone in her house. She is cheated by her secretary and hair dresser. She catches a disease which makes her eyes dull and a bad makeup material burns her cheeks to black color.

Vasundharaa becomes totally involved in taking care of her ‘old men and women’ in the old age home. She tries to solve their problems.

Jnaneshwar prepares photos of Vasundharaa’s lost son with many permutations and combinations. The photos get published in newspapers.

In the meanwhile, Vasundharaa narrates her flashback to Lalanaa. In return, Lalanaa tells her story to Vasundharaa. Both are of about 52 years when the story starts.

During a trip to Belur, while the bus is out of order, they are forced to spend time by watching a Tamil movie. Lalanaa shrieks while watching a scene. She feels the chorus dancer who was behind the heroine is her own carbon copy of younger days.

They go to Madras. It turns out that the girl is indeed Lalanaa’s abandoned daughter. The girl has her own agenda. She tries to become an actress and fails because her leg gets amputated. Vasundharaa makes her strong by boosting her self-confidence.

When all the ‘prepared’ photos of Vasundharaa’s son are published in an international edition of a magazine, a couple comes forward saying that her son is with them since his childhood.

The story ends with a surprising note.

After the manuscript was ready, I handed it over to two famous lady authors. Both liked the novel and suggested the same change!

I too had the idea.. but their advice firmed up the idea.

I called the novel Jeevanmukhi... meaning a person with face towards life.

I got rave reviews when it was published as a weekly serial in one of the most famous magazine Sudha.

Even now I feel that is my best social novel.