Thought for the day seven

Some people’s advice will only add vice to your life

Advice and add vice... a clever way of splitting the word and bringing out a new world of meaning to the broken word.

We find that some people could add fuel to the fire of hatred to the already burning anger. This leads to the worst possible disaster. What is the use of such hatred?

It does not lead us to anywhere. We end up nowhere.

We have seen mothers putting some unsavory thoughts in their daughters’ heads when they come to visit them. They start influencing the daughter to become a rebel in the in-law’s place. The girl who would have come to the new family fold finds her fighting with herself so that she won’t be spoiling a home which is smiling.

The mother forgets for a moment that her daughter is the daughter (of the house to which she is married) by law. The family (especially the girl’s family spends a fortune for the marriage) where she is married to is her own family now. She is like a tree which has been uprooted from one place (the parents) and planted in a new place (In-laws). Generally a plant requires a little time to get adjusted to a new place when it is shifted. But a tree takes a lot of time.

It needs special nurturing. So, when the daughter in law is taking her own time to adjust to the man who suddenly is her husband, his family about whom she would not have known much.

During this time, when she visits her mother, the mother should be helpful to make her feel more secure in her in-law’s place. Instead, if the mother topples the apple cart and poisons daughter’s mind to bring fight between her husband and his parents, it is a sad state of affairs.

Funnily the same mother has another rule for her daughter in law! The poor girl has to listen to her mother in law’s words. The mother won’t even think that her own daughter in law is a daughter of her mother and that mother also could ‘teach’ her daughter some unsavory things. If, the other mother is also like that, it would end up in big battles!!

There is a saying in Hindi, saas bhi kabhi bahu thi, which means even the mother in law was a daughter in law of someone else.

When being daughter in law, if a mother undergoes torture by her mother in law, there would be two types of reactions when the daughter in law becomes a mother in law. Either she will treat her daughter in law as her own daughter or she will harass her as much as possible. Reminds us of the ragging in colleges. The ragged either becomes a ragger or s/he will protect the newcomers.

The best ever example advice becoming a vice is in the epic Ramayana.

King Dasharatha decides to crown the prince Rama. The happiest person is Kaikeyi, even more than Rama’s own mother Kausalya.

She is very happy and shares it with her maidservant Manthara. But she is surprised by Manthara’s stony silence. She is surprised. Why this lady is not happy that Rama is getting the throne?

Manthara teases her. Oh Kaikeyi, you look radiant because Rama is becoming a King? Oh foolish lady! Can’t you see the future? If Rama becomes the King today, his son will naturally get the throne next and then his son’s child. Have you ever thought what will happen to your own son Bharat? He will be a servant to Rama. His son will be servant to Rama’s son.. so on and so forth.

That idea would have never occurred to Kaikeyi if Manthara had not sowed the seed of discontent. This is an advice which added vice to the life of Kaikeyi. She thought her son Bharat would approve of  her action – sending Rama to the forest and demanding Bharat to be made as the King.

Bharat spurns her. He throws her out of his house.

So, where does it leave Kaikeyi? She was a princess, was her husband’s favorite Queen. She ends up very badly.

Any day, cunning advices won’t work for long. Better to shun them away and even the advisors of such advices should follow the suit.