Thought for the day Twenty Nine

Getting married is easy; staying married is difficult; living happily married for a long time ranks among the fine arts

I had read it as the first line of a Telugu Novel. I have never ceased to wonder about the above lines. So true...

I have read one more which says marriage is a happy union of two good forgivers.

Isn’t it?

We go through our lives so many things before marriage. Some good; some bad; some are worth remembering; some utterly forgettable.

But once we are married, we take oath for a lifetime. DharmEcha, ArthEcha, kaamEcha, MOkshEcha.... in Dharma, in handling money, in controlling desire and even in salvation, we will put our steps together.. is the Hindu scripture’s saying.

So in the Hindu marriages, the bride and groom are made to chant these Mantras and made to go through seven important steps which form the initial steps of a long term legal relationship.

In Hindu families (I think in most of the Indian families of any caste) the parents stay with the sons and the daughters move to their in-laws’ place.

This being the case, the girl who comes to the household newly need to be given some extra time to get settled. She would have been very boisterous in her parents’ home. She is suddenly brought into a new household. She would be totally confused wondering how to behave. Probably she would even change her basic nature to get suited to the new place. She would be afraid of the in laws because of the notorious ‘fame’ they have. We see in the newspapers and TV, cases of bride’s death almost every other day. So, she treads very carefully.

Actually only one person she ‘knows’ better than others... her husband, with whom she has spent a little more than others... engagement period, honeymoon etc.,

A daughter in law is almost like a big tree which has grown for two decades plus time in some other soil. Now we have tried to plant it in our house’s soil. The small plants take less time to get accustomed to a new soil. But a tree? It takes more time. It needs more nurturing, more water and more care. Then the tree starts trusting the new soil and grows. It gives out flowers, fruits.

Same like a daughter in law, isn’t it?

Once they start trusting each other, the husband and wife undergo a lot of torture in the form of time spending. Marriage between two individuals becomes alliance between two families. Whether we like or not, we have to put up with the other’s relatives with whom the spouse is close. Even if there is dislike, the pretense of liking needs to be there. Otherwise, unnecessary skirmishes happen which give out place for bad blood.

This means that anyone can get married. But to stay with our individuality intact is a problem. But there are some fancies which we need to leave out. If the girl is ready to take two steps backward and change her style to suit the husband, he too has to take back a few steps.

Then the respect for each other increases. The love after marriage is the best medicine. Once the love starts blooming, the small lacunae get ignored.  Small mistakes are forgotten and big blunders are also forgiven (may not be forgotten!).

Marriage is an institution where the pair starts trusting each other more and more, depend on each other more and more, as they grow older.

All people are there, but it is the life partner who will come to the rescue whenever there is a problem.

I have written the following lines in one of the websites. I love the lines myself!

Marriage is like coffee. The decoction of adjustment, milk of compromise and sugar of understanding. When these three are blended in the right mix, you have great coffee, and you will have great marriage too.