Sparrow

This bird is my favorite. I remember there was a pair of sparrows building a nest in my home when I was about 8 year old. So, I even now recollect the way the pair brought straw pieces and put them on a railing in our veranda where we can't reach the nest (or so the poor birds thought). Then one day I could here some chirpy sounds which told me that the little ones have come to this earth. The mom and dad used to bring food and it went on till one day the little ones were quite big to fly. Today sparrows are nowhere seen in the main city. I believe the reason is mobile. But I think it is because of buildings. They can't build in the new type of buildings. I even now see quite a big number in the nearby hospital's quadrangle. You can hear them making lovely noise together in the twilight of the evening. I have seen a big number when I was in Muscat. The villa where my sister lived, they used to come and peck the raw rice and cooked rice left by my sister. It is a lovely bird to watch. The male has a lovely dark brown ring round his neck and the female is small and cute in light brown color. I used to show these birds to my son when he was small. Well, things change. some things are bound to extinct because of the civilization. Pity, I think.

Multiple personality Disorder

This is a new name for split personality I think. Split is only two. If it is more than two, it is MPD?

I remember seeing Actress Jayanthi doing a great job of the split personality roles in Eradu Mukha. (2 faces). She is the timid Ramaa for a moment and the vivacious, sexy Umaa the next moment. The reason given in the movie is that the person becomes various persons when his/her desires are left unfulfilled. To fulfill those desires, they get vertically split. In real life there was a person who had more than 40 faces! My God, how difficult for that person to come back to the first real person! Anyway, the unfulfilled desire is what? Is it so difficult to get that? If not, is it very difficult to forget that? I think we must move on. If we hang on to something which we never get, what is the big deal of waiting? The Hindu philosophy says, if you run behind something (example fame), it runs away from you. If you keep it away, it comes in your search. I think all should give a try to this. Why not? if we can get something what we badly want, why not? But is it worth all the pains and troubles? If it becomes an obsession, it shows on our health, work and family too. Is it why we have come to this earth? Can we not think above this? Is it something impossible?

Half a cup of milk

One thing which is really bothering me is my mother's health. Whether it is failing or improving is difficult to understand. She looks frail and fragile. But she looks strong also. So, the confusion. She could be very sharp in her talking. This could be attributed to her helpless sleeping posture. But it could also cause some skirmishes at home! The kids won't take the nonsense (As per them, this is utter nonsense). With this background, what with my mum's ears being sharp and tongue being quite mobile, the words will roll out brewing unnecessary trouble at home. Seriously I do not know whom to blame. There was this scene in the evening. My sister heard me through the phone me shouting at my mother. She heard it from the USA. The advices started pouring from that long distance. Don't do like this, that etc., She is meaning good. But I too mean good about me shouting at mum,because her sharp words could cause irritation to children and they start their tantrums. what with about 2 hours free time after coming back from office, I did not want that. So, I told my mother firmly in a stern voice. Still she called me.I went with a frown. She told can you get me glass of milk please? I told why. There are others. She said, ' you make me drink it quite smoothly and I like it. can you do it today also please? My eyes became moist. What a simpleton my mother is.

Wedding Reception

My colleague Venu is getting married tomorrow. Today was his reception. The pair was very enthusiastic since they were making an official public appearance for the first time! The hall was full and we had to go through Bangalore to reach the wedding Hall. By the time we reached it was 8 pm which meant we have taken more than one and half hours. When we were waiting for our colleagues to come, there was a scene. A man was shouting at an old man. I don't know the reason. May be the old man could not stand properly and had to support himself by putting his hand on an old lady presumably the mother of the younger man. The Younger man started shouting. What a sad thing! The fights I have seen when the vehicles touch each other even without knowing. Then the drivers start outshouting each other. They may even go to the extent of holding each other's shirt collars. But in a Wedding Hall? That too when they are just guests? pathetic! I could see from a distance the groom having a worried look though accepting wedding wishes from his well wishers. But unthinkable these fights! Anyway, let me congratulate Pushpa and Venu for a happy and long married life. I had given the words used in his wedding card. The bride said everyone liked the words. I asked how about you? She was very happy I believe. I felt happy. But I still went and told her, let those not be mere words. Please be together in all walks of life I said. Good luck Venu. Good Luck Pushpa.

Again novel!

It is almost 8 years since I have done any solid writing. The reason is simple. I am plain lazy! I can't think of any other reason for my non-writing. But after much much deliberation, I have decided to write something. Mostly non fiction. Let me see. Once it is shaped up,I shall share the news. I do need to think a little more because I am also planning a novel. This time a teasing novel. This has to have some heavy dosage. Otherwise the story falls flat. For non fiction I have to search for the proper words so that it is an interesting reading. Generally it is very difficult to make a non fiction an interesting piece of writing. Fiction is actually easy if you do not consider the logic etc.,! Non fiction would make the people bored. Probably they would put the book down after reading the first 3 lines. ( I do it! So no wonder if someone else also do it!!) But still I shall try my best. Seriously thinking of giving the articles to some magazine for serialization (for name and of course the monetary benefit!!!) and then should pass it on to a publisher who would be interested to publish non fiction. But let me write first even before anything else! This dilemma would continue till I really put my effort. The hindrance for non writing continued in the form of laptop not working. Nowadays I have become so lazy that my handwriting won't be understood by anyone.So no choice but to type!!!

Here's a story

I have written 52 short stories. Really not a great number for 18 years of writing. But not much of a writing after 2002. A sort of hibernation. But some of them are good. I am proud of writing them. When I wrote another novel of mine in 2 days, I was sure it would lack quality. But it did not. It came out well. I even tried a trick used by Sidney Sheldon in Windmills of Gods. A trick which is very easy in English. But in Kannada gender is stressed upon in the verb. So, it would easily be known to reader that the person is male or female. But in English if you use came or went with a name, it won't tell whether the person is man or a woman. So it was a challenge in two ways. Not to give chance to the reader that the character of the particular character. The suspense has to be maintained till the end. The reader should keep on guessing what would happen in the end. I had the deadline of 2 days to handover the script. But all these things were done in two days. Even when I read again, I feel proud of the story which has not got tarnished either by story or by time even. I have a title of sincere writer from a great writer and editor. May be because of this, I am unable to write any trash. So, the subject is getting churned in the mind - Mana Manthana!

How to write?

I was happy to see an article in one of the women's fortnightly in Kannada giving tips for good and interesting reading. Well, quite long ago my favourite author Sri. Yandamoori Veerendranath had written a book called 'how to write popular novels, Dramas, short stories ?' In fact it even gives tips to write screenplay for movies and TV serials. No one probably thought in those lines those days. He even conducted workshops for writers. One of them became quite popular and wrote some beautiful novels. Some others took theme from him and wrote novels. I too took tips from a renowned editor of a Kannada Weekly who just showed me a news item and asked me to develop a novel. Actually I could write a 160 page novel based on the particular news item. It was not easy because I was enticed by an assistant editor of another popular daily to write it in 3 days! My mother fell ill and hospitalized. At that time I sat the whole night and finished the novel. I even interspersed the novel with the news item based on which I wrote. Those were the days. I have written in 2 days another time. The only condition we have to put ourselves is that we are not going to compromise on the quality no matter how many days you need to complete the book.

My mum

When a person reaches 80, I think the person becomes a child. My mum for example now behaves like a child! She wants to walk and her legs won't support her. The real reason is that she is not able to move due to fear. Yes, fear. She has become very frightened nowadays to move herself. She feels somehow she is unable to move. Today I tried to move her standing behind her on the bed and trying to bodily lift her holding her arms. No avail! She is unable to move an inch. She says her waist is not supporting her to get up from the bed and stand. She wanted to know whether the doctor can give some medicine to make her lift her waist so that she can stand and walk! Highly unfortunate for a lady who was always moving around so freely even at 75 years, today she is bed ridden. I was teasing her that she does want some or the other person to serve her and she has no desire to move or walk. She tried to disprove it by trying to stand. No chance! today I felt that she is going to be permanently in bed till her last breath. Very painful to see her and I have no choice. I can't run away and let the whole burden to fall on my wife. She looks after her like her own mother and there is no trace of irritation. She could have avoided serving her. After all many daughters in law never bother about their in laws. But I am lucky .. no my mother is lucky to have her.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a very funny term. Envy is milder? Recently I found that I was jealous of my friend. But for a reason you won't believe. I felt jealous of him because his mother is healthier than mine! Isn't it funny? or is it a serious feeling? Almost 5 months since my mother is bed ridden. Even now I am not able to come to terms with the fate or the situation. I even now try to cajole my mother and even fight with her saying why are you bed ridden? She smiles and says it is not her fault. But she was a person who was so mobile. She is young at heart too. Or was.. Because nowadays she feels very dull and sometimes I see tears running on her cheeks and wetting the pillow on which her head is resting. Tell me why we are to undergo such torture of seeing our elders in such a position? Really very sad!

Comedy of (T)errors!

This blog is being written in the morning because the incident is still raw in my mind. After all this is Mana manthana right? My daughter wanted me to get up early (earlier than usual) to go for walking. The reason was that I could not get up yesterday morning. She was sore the whole of yesterday. When I left, my wife was still sleeping. I tried to wake her up and her words were not clear when she told what quantity of milk to be bought from store. So, as a good Samaritan I sent a message to her to wake up. Oops! trust these modern mobiles! I had pressed the number of my colleague who is traveling. Poor fellow! He must have been bewildered to get a wake up message from Bangalore. But as a good person he called and inquired. I apologized and disconnected. He was very cordial for working very late and taking a late night bus and a 8 hours travel in front of him! Later I called my wife on her mobile which I intentionally left on her pillow. The line was not reaching her. After 3 futile tryings I called the land line and disconnected. Then I got a serious call from her. What is your problem? why do you call so many times? why did you call on the land line when you know that there are other people sleeping? It was terrifying to listen to all those words. Talk about being helpful and trying to wake up a person so that she doesn't have to hurry through her routine!

I want to write a serial novel

If you observe my articles are all disjointed. Sometimes repetitive too. But I feel like writing a serial novel. There is one fear. How do I protect it against copying? This needs to be thought about. I have to ask someone somewhere to confirm this. It would be fun to serialize a novel on the blog. Has someone already done it? I do not know. I remember when my serial came in a Kannada newspaper - my first - I was thrilled not because it was a thriller. Because it was my first! I used to read each word and enjoy my own writing. Is it wrong? Not that I have written something great.But it is my own writing. The feeling that the Kannada readers' world would taste it. They would be able to comment on it. Now I remember, after the serial was completed, after 5 or 6 days a few letters were published in the newspaper where readers used to write. The words of the readers were really encouraging. Very curious till the end was the common sentence. Then I decided to make it interesting whether I write a thriller or a family drama. I had even planned to write a big book about a 'real' family. May be the family would not have liked if I had done it! But I did not do it. Now I want to make a serial novel without making it easily copyable. is it possible? Does someone read it and send me the answer please?

My friends

Funny thing is that most of my friends are young. How young? from 30 to 40 maximum! They even think that I am about 36! I am sure I have written about this earlier. But this idea amazes me so much that I am repeating it. This is all about mental makeup. I feel I am young.May be my behavior with my colleagues is being like a younger person. So, they welcome me with open arms. They can't think of some party without me. Not that I am a joker. May be because I am an easy going person. I generally don't poke my nose too deep into anyone's private affairs. I have been given by nature 2 big ears. I generally do listen to people sympathetically and behave empathetically. They all pour out their woes and they don't even warn me that it is only for my ears! It is understood. Goes without saying. Default condition. It is a boon and a uncomfortable feeling too. Why a person should think that I can solve that person's problem? I don't. I give my suggestions only if they ask. Why am I saying all these? For two reasons. One, be young at heart. So you would die young! Other, listen to people when they want to speak with you. They are actually not considering you to solve their problems, sort out their whatever it is! they want to think loudly and search for a solution which is inside them. They want a 'punching' oops listening instrument!!!!

World is ....

Recently I went to my colleague's brother's wedding. As she travels in the same cab, it becomes imperative that I attend her brother's marriage. The team of five left. Three of them I know quite well as they are also my cab travelers. But the driver of the car, another colleague of mine about whom I am writing. He is Madhukar Pai. We sat in the reception hall awaiting the pair to appear. I was watching Madhukar. I have seen this face somewhere earlier and elsewhere. I tried to picture him without his ever present thick beard. Then I blurted out 'which is your hometown? He said Mudabidare. then I told as if to myself, there was one Pai from Mudabidare who was my colleague. Madhukar coolly announced, that's my brother Ganapathi. This was a pleasant shock for me. I was mentioning about a place in Oman called Nizwa. This place has a lighting show room of my previous company and there was an in-charge called Ganapathi Pai. To think that that person has turned out this person's brother was too much for me. I have traveled with him to some places in Nizwa. He taught me what to do in his absence since he was on his way to India and I was to look after his place. Very funny, to think that his younger brother is my colleague in my next place of work in Bangalore. So the title, the world is........................... .........................................Very small

An appreciation

I had recently given one of my novels to one of my colleagues. She took the book on a weekend and did not utter a word on Monday. Out of curiosity I asked her 'did you have time to go through the book?' She said that she finished reading the book. The book has more than 300 pages, demi size. But she had finished it! I asked when. She said I completed the book in one sitting on Saturday night. Real good feel I had. But then I remembered. One of my cousins told the same thing. your book was unputdowanable. My sister also had told the same thing. I started at 9 pm and when I put down the book I realized that the time was 2 am! This is what any author loves to hear. your book is readable, highly readable etc., Many of the books I have read are like that. They say A person who won't read a book does not have any advantage over a person who can't. The books are the best friends for life. They don't change colors. They remain same. But the funny thing is that a book you loved when you were 15 may not be likable when you are 30 and as the age progresses the ideas change, may be due to the experiences. I have heard a harikatha about an incident in Ramayan. Ms.Vishakha Hari was mentioning that Ramayan is understood by people differently at different ages. May be that is why it is still one of the best epics of the world.

Daughter

I remember the joy I had when I saw my daughter immediately after her birth. She became close to me always calling 'appa' She grew up still bleating Appa. When I used to sit in front of TV and watch programs squatting, she used to come and sit on my lap. I used to tease her. you are already 7 and like a small kid you are sitting on my lap. She used to laugh and say, even after my marriage, I shall come and sit on your lap. I used to be very happy. But she did not keep her promise!! By the time she became 11 she suddenly distanced herself from me physically. Now to my annoyance (!)she became close to Usha, my wife. Funny isn't it? That is father daughter relation for you. The girls grow fast, mature fast mentally and start ordering the father around! and he listens to her much to the annoyance of the mother. But Electra complex - is this it? Today she is 17 and she looks so different, I blurt out sometimes, hey are you the same kid who used to sit on my lap or sleep over my shoulder? But that is it. Whether it is son or daughter, you never know when they grow and become 'big' in the real sense. Is this what our role? Are we just being useful for their growth both mentally and physically? Then it is only hi and bye! Really this relationship.... huh!

Great singer's greatness

There was a concert in New York or some other US city. The main singer had another budding singer in the troupe. The concert was a great one. The main singer left some of the swaras to be sung by this budding singer. There was thunderous clapping. The concert was over and at the backstage one group of audience came and told the main singer that they want a concert. Main singer said yes without hesitation. The group hesitated and told 'not yours, we want this budding singer to sing in our program' The main singer said yes without hesitation. Even when I write this I feel tears in my eyes. The greatness just doesn't end if you sing well. When you make your student sing independently and make that person more confident, then it is real greatness. The budding singer has narrated it in one of the newspapers during the main singer's death anniversary. I have heard of gurus who do not approve student's thesis because the Guru took five years and the student, though brighter than the Guru, cannot get the PhD till at least five years if not more!

What a difference between the PhD guru and the main singer. The main singer mentioned here is the melodious and scholarly Dr.M L Vasantha Kumari (one and only I shall say) and the student who narrated the incident is the now very famous Mrs. Sudha Raghunathan. What a pair of great singers!

A new thinking

Shy away from bad things. A new thinking? No. This is age old people say. but now the thin line between good and bad is totally wiped off. Unless you are caught, you are not a culprit. I do keep repeating a sentence. doing things right when no one is watching. It is a sentence always puts me in a good position. i do not think twice to say this because, when our kids become old enough, we may not be there. Even if we are there, they may not listen to our words. So, when time comes, whenever time is available, keep on hammering this into children's minds. I wish all the nursery and primary school teachers think of this as one of the lessons. because the days to come look quite bleak. There is a saying. If you can't build future to the children, better build them to the future. It is also true. But that doesn't mean that we could teach them all bad things. They anyway learn it from their friends. I remember my daughter's early schooling days. One girl used to hit my daughter and being timid she never used to complain. when it became unbearable, she told us and we complained to the teacher. When teacher questioned her, the girl defiantly said I shall hit. The teacher gave her one or two beatings using a scale. What the girl would have told? I will tell my father to bring one lorry full of people and hit you!

A new thinking

Shy away from bad things. A new thinking? No. This is age old people say. but now the thin line between good and bad is totally wiped off. Unless you are caught, you are not a culprit. I do keep repeating a sentence. doing things right when no one is watching. It is a sentence always puts me in a good position. i do not think twice to say this because, when our kids become old enough, we may not be there. Even if we are there, they may not listen to our words. So, when time comes, whenever time is available, keep on hammering this into children's minds. I wish all the nursery and primary school teachers think of this as one of the lessons. because the days to come looks quite bleak.

Back pain

Mothers would have lifted us so many times when we were not able to move or walk. She would have put us on her waist and did the daily chores as well. The time passes. The kids become big and mature (!). The mother tells them or advises them and the kids cry 'oh mum, I am 40 year old or even more. I do not need your advice today' But she continues because it is her blood. Any day the kids are kids for her. Even the father decides that the kids are big enough. But not mother. When she becomes old and she can't move. The son/daughter tries to give her a bath. To give her bath, you have to move her. She is now afraid that she may fall. (It is very difficult to think such a strong mother is so weak today) So she stiffens her body and you need all your strength to put her on the wheel chair. What is the result? you will be left with back pain. you can't move. who knows? the back might have got damaged beyond repairs for the son's/daughter's lifetime. How does one react at such times? I do not know. I have a very bad back ache now. I am putting a lot of effort to sit in front of the pc to record the incident. I do hope it is a temporary catch and it leaves me. suppose it does not? should I curse my mother? or curse my luck? or was it my fate which decided to put me under this torture?

Mano Dharma

Attitude is the nearest word in English for Mano Dharma. The mano dharma is used in carnatic classical music also. Each singer has a mano dharma. He/she end any song in a specific style. In fact you could feel the difference in the same song sung in different styles. Some singers are bookish. They don't even allow one swara (note) to go out of place. In fact you admire the way they sing. So perfect. But as a connoisseur of music, if you have real good ears, you feel something is missing. The notation of Bhakti. Take for example one and only M S Subbulakshmi Amma. She sings and others also sing the same songs. But there is a small difference, in fact it makes a big difference. The song has that lilt of others, but also an ocean of devotion along with the song. If she is singing about Subrahmanya or Narayana or could be any of the devi, you feel as if that particular God would and enjoy her singing. She is like that. The melody is one thing. But the devotion is outstanding. No wonder even today when she sings Rangapura vihara I mean the recording, even today gives me goose bumps when she sings sankata harana govinda venkata ramana mukunda. Only when she finishes rendering it three times, I shall move on. Till then my ears are 'stuck' to her rendering. Great singers are born rarely.

Mother's plight

Everyday I could write about my mother. She is trying to get up and run!!!! but the weak legs are not allowing her to even stand up. So unfortunate. I keep teasing her, cajoling her so that she gets some 'pep' from my talk and she tries to get up. But no chance, at least as of now. Today there is hope again walked into our home in the form of Dr. Chandrashekar. He is an Ayurvedic doctor. He seems to have 'read' my mother's condition and has given quite a big chunk of hope that 'everything would be alright. Are we all not hopeless hopefuls? There is a saying, if wishes were horses.. fears are liars. wishes, yes, they are there only to keep us alive. We keep on wishing for something or the other the whole of our life in lieu of which the life is meaningless. we need to move on with hopes over hopes. If they become true, be happy. But if they do not become true, then you are not going to be disappointed. Change the hope and keep on living. The show must go on. When we see things like the kid of 15 years committed suicide because the marks got in the exams was very less and there was a failure. Well, is this the end of the world? the parents should teach the kids how to live and how to live tough. Instead they think of the 'words' they have to listen to from the neighbours. Well, are our lives only worth that?

Never speak ill of others

So easy to say. but very difficult to follow. Because we have so many prejudices, preformed opinions, so many bad words heard about the person. Unfortunately if a good thing is told about a person it does not get publicity. But the bad words get bad publicity and in what a scale! It is unbelievable. It spreads like wild fire and it does not get extinguished fast. So, ill speaking of others is very easy. But let us avoid it. If someone has intentionally or unintentionally bad mouthed us, let us forgive them. If we also bad mouth them, what is the difference between us and them? Somewhere we need to have a difference. Let us be true to ourselves. Suppose someone's words totally spoils our career, jeopardizes the chance of getting higher salary or increment... still pardon them for they don't know what they are doing. That is what God says. please do not ill talk of others. it does not take us anywhere. It is destined to happen, perhaps. Or may be the person deserves only that though the person desires for more. But I tell you, it is very difficult. I was reading in a book that some people start their day thinking how do I harass such and such a person today. It means the harassment idea is always there. Only there would be variety of harassing. But accept that. Vaadiraja swamy has told, There is no better penance than patience/tolerance. Let us be patient and tolerant and let the world do whatever they want to us. Let us face the world.

Amma's situation

I can't tell anyone but I need to tell someone. Thanks to you blogger.com! I am able to express my views and mail it to you! My Amma or mother has become so weak that I feel like crying when I see her every time. She was one of the most strongest women I have ever met. But today when I see her helplessly sleeping and watching all of us, I feel like boo hoo ing. But can we help it? My brother in law who had recently undergone such a situation was trying to pacify me saying that now, all you have to do is to look after her well till she passes away. Actually he did not use these words, but I drew inference from his words. He sent her a wheel chair. Today I had get a 24/7 nurse to look after her after all the circus of our maid, 2 nurse maids and my wife as well looking after her turn by turn. But there comes a time when we have to take such a decision and today I took it. Many things got done today since I applied leave. But still I feel... is that all? Is this what all children have to undergo? if this is so, I do not want to live forever. I want to get out of this world when my organs fail me especially limbs or eyes. I think being deaf could be okay. but still not ok since I love to listen to music. Let us see what is in store for us. Till I go to such a stage, let me at least do all things what I want to do.

Down and out

Somehow today I am feeling down and out. May be it is physical may be it is psychological. I would not know. What do you do at such times? I would love to know. I am thinking about my mother who is totally bedridden. Is she the reason for my down feeling? She was such a bubbly character moving around so much I used to tease her that my age is 40 and yours is just 25! She was like that. Going to various functions two days before and organizing things. A natural leader. Today she tries that sleeping. It irritates all. I get irritated for some other reason. Why she is lying like that on bed? why not she walk? She says her knees are buckled. Is this a curse all of us have to undergo? The elders succumbing to various problems in front of our eyes? is there no remedy for that? I remember one of my aunts who came to see my mum said, when/if I reach that stage I shall ask for Euthanasia or mercy killing. is it proper to think that way? My mom is full of zest even now.She keeps tab of everything in the house, everyone in home. Many times the concern is annoying, but sometimes it is good too when she remembers somethings which we ought to remember and obviously we have forgotten! Well, no avail. the Show must go on.

Tenacity

My colleague is a very tenacious person when it comes to work. He just forgets his lunch (well, he forgets that he has a stomach!!)and keeps on working. He won't answer you straight when a question is thrown at him. I tease him about that. He admits when he is free that he is like that when it is work and work. I tell him that you need not go to canteen for food. You could munch an apple or chew a chocolate. No avail! He doesn't care about food when it is work. I called him Tenacious. Yes, tenacity is positive stubbornness. When some one is such a tenacious person, they come up in life. Of course, if they are working for someone, that someone need to recognize the fire in his belly and take him up in the organization. He not only works, he feels bad when his colleagues do not deliver along with him. He is keen to take his own colleagues when they too deliver. I am proud of such a colleague. I always try to be away from him when he is working like frenzy. If he is 'free', he could be the naughtiest guy around. If he takes up his own job, I mean if he decides to be his own boss, he will excel. This is for sure. I always take his example when I try to tell someone else how one should work. One should emulate him regarding work. This is a great thing to share with you. We need to be like him - positive stubbornness- tenacity.

Plan

Plan in life, otherwise gone are we. This I am experiencing. The plan becomes an absolute necessity in one's life. I remember seeing movies Hindi, English and even in other languages, the bank robbery movies, the assassination plots. The people who are doing these 'bad' jobs do a great planning. The plan would be foolproof. The result would be good or bad depending on whether the hero is planning or the villain is planning. If villain is planning, and if there is a hero who is trying to catch the villain, the villain is bound to fail. Last moment, the very last moment someone or the other would come in the way the plan goes for a toss. If the hero is the planner, the robbery or the assassination would be 100% successful. I have seen movies where the hero kills and then repents in the end. But here we are talking about planning. Please do plan the decade, then the years, the months, the days and even the hours of the day. Then you will realize about the seriousness of planning. They say 'each execution is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration' But the inspiration or plan has to be pucca. If not, the work would suffer. I have been talking to my colleague. She was mentioning about the people who write down their plan and stare at the words every day would succeed than the ones who mentally plan. So, write and succeed please.

New way of connecting

There were times when we used to lose connection with our old friends / classmates due to sheer communication gap. We had just post cards for communication. If the father has a transfer and especially if it is All India Transfer, we had it. We never used to meet with our old friends. Now we have so many ways. email, blogging, linking and what not! I remember once when I was trying to contact a friend of mine, when I went to Delhi I went on calling the companies in Delhi where he might have taken up a job. But I could never get him. One day when I was telling that I was in google due to my novels, I suddenly felt I could even find him. So, I googled him. No, I could not get him. But when I tried his wife, who was also my colleague, I got her address. But alas! she had left that company. But with little hope, I asked the telephone operator what is my colleague's new no. She gave. I called her. She said yes, she was in Kirloskar earlier. Did she remember a Yathiraj. She said of course. I said it is me. She literally screamed in my ears!! She was so thrilled to speak with me. As luck would have it, I went to Chennai and I went to her home. She was so happy to see me and so was her hubby who is my close friend. I had food with them and then they dropped me back. It was a great feeling.

Age

Some people never age. I have seen one actress who acted in a serial during Doordarshan days. She was looking same even after 15 years! How's that possible? Is age connected with mental attitude? If some one feels they are young, though not young age wise, would they look young? I would dare to say yes. The actress is a perfect example. Very recently I saw her in an add for a woman's inner ware where the 'up liftment of the downtrodden(!)' takes place!!! There was one youth who actually falls for her when she was going out with a much younger and more attractive girl! The ad was not in very good taste for Indian culture. But the idea of that lady who should be pushing fifty now being pursued by younger men is very ubiquitous. May the age gets 'stuck' after sometime especially the women's age. Or is it an attitude? There is this Kannada actress who should be wrong side of sixty now who used to say till about 20 years that her age is 'stuck' at 16. What a dare! To tell the world that she is just 16. But it takes guts and attitude. If someone is young at heart they won't feel that they are old. I for example. I am pushing to 53. But I am very young and all my friends are below 40! In fact, I hardly have 2 friends for 40 and 30 years who are nearer to my age. But all others think that I am not a single day older than 36!

Why pick on me?

I am a good worker. I know that. I always earn my salary. I never try to waste my time. If I am not doing anything official, I shall spend that time for self learning. But I have some people around me who try to pick me. Rather prick me with a pin. The pain would be there. But there is no bloodshed. It hurts. That is important. But the people are thick skinned. They get fun out of teasing me. They make my life miserable by pulling my leg. They do all sorts of things to instigate me. They insinuate a lot of things about my work. They try to bad mouth me. Still I am surviving because I have faith in the unknown power who is holding my hand and leading me through all this rut. But can it continue for this long? The boss believes the words carried by the colleagues. I have no voice as far as defending myself is concerned. Why should I defend? For what I have to defend? I have not made any mistake! The boss always thinks of some or the other plan to needle me. I don't know what the boss gets out of teasing me or trying to needle me. I do not get intimidated easily. I shall see what next is being planned to make me miserable. I shall wait and wait. I am sure I shall get an opportunity to get even with all of them. But I don't want to hurt anyone. This is the dilemma. But a question. Why pick on me? Is it because I am soft?

Touching the heart

I think it was 1970 when there was a movie of Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore came. Amar Prem is the name. There is one scene in the end when RK tells Vinod Mehra 'go, time has come to repay the love's loan' Sorry the translation is not very proper. But that scene every time makes my saliva get swallowed by my throat. Rather something suddenly comes inside my throat. That is the success of that movie. I was 13 when I saw first time. Another time my kids had gone to some relative's home for holidays. They were also very small then. We, myself and my wife saw it without any distractions. We were moved again. Again I saw it on TV and it never fails to move every time. The other movie was My name is Khan. Not that it has some great story. Some where some how it touches you some where.

Kannada also has some movies like that. Every time they do the trick. I know that the scene would come. but still it moves me.

Touching the heart is something great. I have seen some people going on making tears fall down their cheeks. Funnily they don't cry when such a thing or even a near thing happens in their lives!!

Goal in life

Today my colleague put me into a fix. She actually was trying to help me to tell the truth!The question was simple. But the answer and the commitment was not impossible, but difficult. She only asked me what is my long term goal.I was keen to talk about my personal short term goal. Very simple to say actually! (hey am I using actually very many times?) I told her I would complete a 'period' novel in Kannada which I started (hold your breath) 8 years ago! Isn't it a shame? I have not completed a novel since 8 years. Not that it is a magnum opus. But the theme is good. Generally I see everything in a twisted way. I am cynical, skeptical etc., In fact, I call one of my character as Karunakara which means he is full of compassion. But he is a cruel, crude police Inspector. So, the novel which I commenced so long ago, may take shape because I am committed to myself now! I do hope I shall have the conviction, courage and inclination to take it forward. Funnily the whole story is in my brain. But it has come get written on paper I mean typed in my PC. Wish me luck since I need a lot of it. Having a talent is one thing, but exposing it in the right way at the right time is very important. I do hope I shall do that this year at least before year end.

Old games

Some of the games we played in our young age is not even known to today's kids. Funnily they are not even interested to know. When you say, "I was playing this game". Pat comes the reply "so?". So, your enthu to even explain further gets fizzled out. That is the way the cookie crumbles is one of the expressions James Hadley Chase uses quite often. In fact, there is a novel in that name too!

There was a game called Gultoria. We make one guy victim. He/she has to pluck about 100 leaves from 'bell flower plant'

The others have to hide. The victim has to search for the others. The first one to be found is the victim next time.

The other is 'I spy' Here the victim has to count one to hundred.

The others hide. When this victim searches for the others, the others can come and touch the counting post (generally a wall!) and hits that place, the victim has to search all over again. Some days my kids played this game.

There are many more. Let me take through them some other time.

Heart talk

We socialize with so many people. Each finds someone or the other as a confidant. We try to pour our hearts to these chosen people. Many times the deepest secret would be shared with someone who is not our kith or kin, but a totally socially different person. We feel that our secret would be safe with them. This is a typical human nature.
If that person keeps your secret you are safe. But if you find that your secret is 'leaked' then you had it! you would be under double disadvantage. One - your most inner secret is out. Two - you have to find another 'soul'to pour your feelings!! Isn't it a difficult situation?
But there are people who are being considered as their close friends by many people. It may so happen that two of the most 'hating each other' pair may become your close friend. That is when you need to walk on a tight rope. Your talk should ensure that you are not hurting any one of these two. Both may tell some bad things on each other.
You have to be very balanced in these situations.
I am sure each one of you would have undergone such a 'torture'. Well, seriously it is not a torture. but definitely the mind gets messy. Instead we have to make it sharper so that we don't utter some uncomplimentary things on the two of our confidants who don't like each other!!!!

Old colleague

I was trying to write a mail to someone when someone else suddenly came on for chat. Bala! I know him from about 4 years I think. He was so eager to meet me when I told him that I would be in Chennai.

He picked me up and took me to his home. His parents are also so friendly that I did not feel a stranger at their place.

Had food with them, lazed in the hot sun but under a mango tree with mangoes.

He took me to a cd stores for buying some cds.

Then we went to our hotel since I had promised to give him my books.

The person has never changed.He is the same.

Same affection, decency. God bless him!

Old friends

It is fun to meet old friends. But we have to ensure that we put together all the friends of the same school. Then we can have some common talk. Otherwise the whole team can't be satisfied. Not only that, if you share interest of something with someone, you are bound to talk to that person about that subject only ensuring that the others are bored! I have this friend with whom I can talk any subject, including carnatic classical music. We have another common friend. He feels lost when we start yakking about this subject. He is good in kannada and hindi old songs. So we try to restrict our carnatic classical music talk when only two of us are there. There is one more set of young 30ish friends. again with one ccmusic, with the second many things except music and with the third all except cc music. So the carnatic classical music takes a back seat with many people. I generally speak about it with my wife, her one brother, her other brother's wife's sister. Otherwise it is only with some people you can talk about that subject. other subject is old hindi songs. Not many people enjoy. Especially the new generation do not bother to talk about it, let alone listen.

But they listen to music hindi i mean. This is a good sign.

But with old friends may be we can yak!

Boredom

I sometimes feel that no one should read my blogs! Not that I offend any one in my blogs. The thing is that I write what I feel like writing. Thank you very much for these blogs where I can express myself like people exercise their freedom of speech at Hyde Park, London, I believe.

During my recent 40 days are so I have started writing. It has improved my English as well. One fine day I want to write something solid in English. This blog writing has given me a platform to perform.

Some time later I may start writing something serious on a daily basis. This would mean it has to be continuous. May be I shall write about myself. May be about some personality who has influenced me to a large extent.

May be whatever I write may not be good. May be whatever I express may not be interesting. May be whatever I write may be boring.

You could tell me whether I am writing something useful or trash.

Then I shall also try to write something which is not boring.

Won't you do that please?

What pains most

The suffering of our elders in front of our eyes.

Yes, it really pains us most. We would have seen them so strong that we were being carried by them till we are about 4 or 5 years old. then they hold our hand and take us round. They make us cross channels, they take us up the hills.

When time comes, they teach us how to get into a bus or how to ride a bicycle.

When time comes they show us what are the good values of life.

Don't do any bad thing. don't harm others even if you can't help them.

All these and much more.

But when time comes they become restless. Helpless. They have to depend on us.

It pains us very much.

the same person who has done so much to us now lies helplessly on the bed.

We have to just see them suffer.

We have our own job, responsibilities. But seeing them watching us helplessly pains us.

Mother son relationship

My wife Usha was asking my son Sughosh, what do you want to take for lunch tomorrow to the college? Then she told 'is Pongal ok?' When he said 'yes', she again asked 'can you take Tomato Bhath?'

I could not contain myself. I told 'why worry, you already told him pongal, now why are you confusing him?'

She told 'why are you coming between me and my son? I can ask anything to him. let him answer' This is typical mother son relationship. Father has no say I think!

Some other time she would be complaining about him to me and I am supposed to sort out any issue. Some times he complains about her to me.

But all said and done. They are one. I feel like an outsider!

He goes to my sister's place to stay once in a while. He calls his mom almost everyday and says 'mom, it is 3 days since I have seen you. I will come back today'

So, he comes back.

I am telling him to go to the US of A for higher studies. May be his mom has to go with him!!!

Dilemma in a different situation!

This is a typical Indian home's story. It could be my home or any one else's.

The grandfather or grandmother is ailing and is on the bed with a lot of pains in the body. But the tongue and ears would be sharp.

The grandchildren are grown up to teens. They neither have their own intelligence nor they listen to any elders.

Now the fun starts. The grandchild keeps talking to the parents. The parents know better than making comments. Because the kids won't take it kindly.

But the grandparent does not care. The comment comes out almost immediately.

Lo, the home becomes a virtual hell.

The middle people, the parents of the kids, can't take any side or cannot make any comment to smoothen the situation.They have to become just plain spectators.

Because the parents have been brought up strictly by their parents. (Today's grandparents).So they try not to hurt their parents. The kids won't take it kindly.

Who will tell the grandparents that times have changed? Do you think they would listen to you?

Dilemma

When your close associate dies under tragic circumstances, especially you come to know that that person is murdered you would love to take revenge to make the dead person's soul happy and peaceful.

When you prepare to do that, the President of the Country comes to tell you that please don't do any of that sort, what do you say except 'yes'?

But inside the heart you would be seething with anger. Waiting for a chance to retaliate.

That is what is done by a character in a serial I was watching recently.

That character I have seen too many times the whole of last 2 years.

We have fallen in love with that character's acting.

Simply appreciable. Especially the devotion shown towards the country.

Unbelievable still very believable.

Did you get confused?

Then watch Jack Bauer (fantastically acted by Keifer Sutherland) in the series 24. You are bound to fall in love with his behaviour, mannerism and character.

Connection

Without your knowledge you have a 'internal' connection. I mean a sort of telepathy. You would not know exactly what is the problem, but your 'heart' would sense that some problem is existing with your 'connected' person. It may not be verbose. But it tells you through some stomach churning, uneasy feeling etc., Have you noticed such things in your life? If not, that means you are yet to have a personal connection like that.

I have sensed it. Some sort of stomach burning feeling I had once. When I came home I heard that someone very close to me has some problem. I think many times how this happens?

For some of these things, there is no logic. But it stays.

With God (or the Super Power) it happens the same way. Try it. It is very good.

When you are a real devotee, if you are dejected, just think of that Power. You will be suddenly fine. Whether it is our feeling or it happens really, I do not know.

But it happens.

Only thing is that it takes some time to realize such an unknown help is always available for us.

Point of view

We were always taught from the day we were little intelligent that good people survive and bad people would come to bad end. In fact my kids, nieces and nephews used to ask while watching a movie, is this a good uncle or bad uncle? bad auntie or good auntie?

With this training when I first read some of the Chase novels I was flabbergasted is the least to say. The hero used to narrate the story in first person and whatever he says sounded true. He used to even justify the crimes he committed be it murder, robbery or even adultery!

A sort of sympathy engulfs you by the time we come to the end of the story. After all, the hero is a human being. He tries to live well. But the circumstances, fate won't let him. No wonder we feel sad for the hero when he dies or gets caught by the police at the end of the story.

But the narration, his justification gets etched in your mind. That is why James Hadley Chase is known as Master Story Teller! The story is told from the point of view of the culprit. May be he is one of the first writer to write that way?

Looking young

How important is looking young? Very!

Yes, every one has to look young. by appearance?

No, by attitude.

You should look young by your attitude.

Do you know?

I have seen a 51+ man who is very young at heart.

Sometimes he is so young, that his family makes fun of him 'don't be childish'

But it is important that your ideas should be young.

His colleagues are all about 35 plus. They drag him to their company which is very redeeming.

They think that his age is stuck at 36!

Isn't it great?

I was keen to meet him. But really I meet him sometimes every day.

Whenever I see the mirror I see him!!!!

Desire fear anger

When Lord Srikrishna says in Gita that one should not jump with joy when he is happy, he should not be agitated when he is sad, he should not have desire, fear and anger, then he is called Sthitaprajna (stable minded) Chapter 2, stanza 56.
Is it really possible? It is not impossible. but definitely difficult, in fact very difficult. Whom He was aiming at ? Ordinary human beings would find it very difficult to even try these!
May be monks who are in Himalayas doing Tapas would be able to practice these!
But I have question for Lord SriKrishna.
"Oh Lord, I would jump with Joy when I see you or even thinking of seeing you. I would get agitated if I don't see you or the feeling that I can't see you. I have a strong desire to see you and stay with you always. I have the fear that I may not be able to see you in this birth. I have anger that you are not showing yourself to me"
Seriously, would you object to these things Lord?
I am always remembering you. How do you reply my mail Lord?

The 'dis' connect between heart and body

Funny heading? do you really think so? You will understand when your kith or kin does a 'fasting' because that person has been hurt because of you!
I always wonder why people punish themselves whenever they are angry or sad. Especially when they are hurt by someone close to them, they ensure that they won't eat anything that day so that the message is passed on to the 'hurter' that the hurt caused by the person has really hurt them. But I have a question here. What is the connection between heart and the body? the body definitely needs the fuel to survive. When you deny the body what it needs, then you would go dull and you would be tired. It may even give rise to some stomach ailments esp. if someone who 'fasts' has acidity problems!
Why take such a stand? Just because the person whom you love hurt you? Is it really the reason? What is love? The best definition I have heard is that 'when you love someone, it means that you have accepted that person along with his/her weaknesses'
Is it not a good one? If you love someone, why hurt that person? You definitely know that the other person also loves you. Please think again before you 'fast' next time!

Concern - up to what length?

Rains in Bengalooru. What do you do? Run for shelter when it rains? What would have told your children during October rains? 'no, no, not now. After your exams, you could get wet during summer holiday' Do you remember? you won't. but your children won't forget.when it rains during April they are bound to ask you. can you say no? you may. If your child is a teenager what are the chances that the child would listen to you? No chance!

Leave them to get wet. once they get wet, don't listen to your in-laws or anyone else to pull the child inside. The child has to get wet to its heart content and then only come inside. Then no rules should be imposed, don't go there, come here. do you think they would listen. Of course not!

They would love to see themselves in that wet dress in the mirror.

Oh, very complicated? no actually very simple.

you have to have a large heart. Leave them alone. I am sure they won't repeat. But at least once they want it to be carried out.

Leave the child to enjoy.Tell me, which is more important ? The child's happiness or the cleanliness of the house?

Good words about 'dead'

The general talk about a person who is dead and gone is always good. We say 'oh, he was a good man' That means most of his misdeeds are forgiven (forgotten?).

But will we do the same thing about a person who was working with you and now gone out of your department? or he has gone out of your company?

When I say he, it is she too.

May not say good words. it is not that they mean bad about the gone person. It is the power of saying. ahha, someone has come to ask my opinion. So,why should I not give a 'candid' opinion?

It does not cross their mind that a good word from them could save a lot of trouble for the transferred guy. But then, it won't show the 'world' the spokesperson's 'power of words'

So, they make it a point to 'bad mouth' the 'gone' person.

If the new boss wants to 'share' the same opinion with the new 'entrant' and gives his opinion in his face, the new comer shrinks into his shoes. He jumps with suspicion every time someone looks at him. The happiness of the transfer is gone forever. My question is 'what did the spokesperson achieve?'

As far as I am concerned, if you don't do good to others, don't. But pl. don't harm others.

Human beings are human beings wherever

I had been transferred to the projects division when worked in Muscat. So I had to do the tendering work. I used to collect info on prices of poles, cables, transmission lines etc., which are required for a transmission line being drawn from one place to another. After the collection of details, a detailed tender was prepared with all technical details except for the final price. That was the job of my top boss who used to put the final price in the required box at the very end. What I meant was - if the tender is being opened at 10 am, I used to get the tender sealed at 9.45 am and I was supposed to submit the same at 10 am in an office which was about 25 kms from my office.

Quite a feat if I reach in time!

I had been in touch with the local Govt. Officers. Some of them were quite friendly. I had done an out of turn help to him in handing over some document 2 blocks away. Two blocks means about 2 km up and 2 km down I had walked in hot sun. He had no idea that I did not have a car. (Not having a car in Oman is unthinkable!) He was very grateful since that time.

I used to pick my office tender at 9.50 am and used to call him that I am on my way. He used to wait till I reached there. Of course, I would reach just as the clock used to strike 10 am after doing a fast driving on the smooth lanes.

The idea of him waiting for me was redeeming. After all human beings become friendly with other human beings if treated properly whatever is the caste, creed, culture or any other difference is there between two individuals.

Hats off to the friendships!

Oman stay

I stayed in Oman from 18th June 2002 to 11th April 2005 with a break of 40 days in 2003 and 2004. But the stay was not very happy one. Don't get me wrong. When I stayed there I enjoyed. But when I came for holidays, going back was a big problem. Like a kid going back to school without much enthusiasm after a long break. Once I went back, I used to go through the routine of getting up, going to temple, going to office, going to meet clients, having food and coming back to room for sleeping. This was the toughest part. Coming and switching on the light in an empty room of a flat!

Everyday I used to feel more and more lonely. Once the body took to sleep, I used to forget and again the routine used to start.

Thursday Afternoons were little different. I used to come 'home(!)' at 1.35 pm. Have my food and leave in my car to a theater nearby. The heat would be very high. I used to go to either Hindi or English movies - alone!

Once the movie is over, take the car and come home and watch TV for some time and waiting for the time to hit 8 pm. go for food and come back and sleep.

What a way to live!

Life in a Quarters

Quarters life is a different one. The people are so different from each other. But still united. I remember my life in a quarters. We were in the same house for 17 years! I remember most of the part of my life there.

We kids used to play together, whether hindu, muslim, christian, gowda or whatever is the caste or creed, we never used to bother. Because the economic strata of all the earning members in our area was almost same. The ladies used to mix with each other and most importantly help each other. Whether there is a child birth or death or disease at any home, all others used to raise to the occasion. We used to celebrate Diwali, Eid or Chrismas or any other festival with the same zeal. The crowd of children used to go the particular houses depending upon which festival was being celebrated. It was fun. We were never restricted by any of our parents not to mix with any other kids. Isn't it great? In fact I always feel that children brought up in quarters would get mixed with other people very easily since they would be doing it from the day they are aware. I should thank all parents for giving us an opportunity. I wish this is the same in all places, whether we stay in a quarters or not, we should treat all the people same.

Vice wise

A young student can be good even after staying in a hostel. It could be because of two reasons. The hostel mates may not smoke or drink. So, this boy also stays that way. Well,he could be the bad apple in the basket! But generally a new boy who goes to a hostel in some other city would be little hesitant to do that. If he is helped by his hostel mates by not doing those vices, then he also becomes good.

But a weak minded boy can always become vice-full! He could be from a strict family who punish for even small mistakes. Such a boy would become rebellious and the first chance he gets,he would take up all bad vices. The sad part is that he doesn't take it to his heart that it is bad for health. My parents have punished me. So I shall punish them by doing all such stupid things.

The cancer threat on the cigarette pack or the bottle (is it there on that too?) would not worry the smoker and the drinker. Because generally the one reads won't cultivate those habits. The one who has the habits won't read them!

Any way I recently read that smoking causes impotency. May be it is good that the young generation smokes. The population growth would curtail. Don't get me wrong please. I am eager to 'threaten' the young smokers to quit smoking by saying ugly things. Would I succeed?

Sister who is also a daughter

My sister is a dancer. She is very determined to keep her dancing tradition. Now her daughter is also a dancer, a good one at that. My niece is also a good singer of carnatic classical.

She is about 16 km away from my home. Now my mother is not well. She can't come easily. She has her own things to do. Practice dance, teach dance, cook at home and what not. So, to see the sick mother she can't find time.

I cajole her, tease her and even offend her!

I sent a message yesterday, 'how come you don't even call your mum once a day, let alone come. Please don't get offended. You call your mom only when I send an sms'

I got a reply immediately. 'you have offended me. you won't believe if i say i am trying to come to your home to see mum every day from past 5 days. I weep every night that i can't go to see my mum'

I felt so ashamed and apologized.

sister who is a mum and a daughter can be really in tough times really unable to meet even her mother. Let us not offend such helpless sisters.

Twenty Four

A number ? no, a serial's name.

The hero Jack Bauer played by Keifer Sutherland is an immortal character. He is so ordinary in his body structure. He gets beaten by the villains. But he raises like a phoenix from the ashes.

Why did I take up this subject?

Well, in some of the seasons (7 seasons have been aired already and I believe the 8th one is on)

the psychological pressure he builds to get the secrets out of the villains is amazing. Also he makes the others believe him very easily. He says 'trust me'. That's it! the trust would be kept up by him.

He is a real Nation's Pride of the US of A. He goes out of the way to help the country to survive from disasters. Be it a Atom bomb threat or an epidemic disease or any thing else.

He is there always. The protector.

I wish all the soldiers of the world are like that. Why,all the people like that so that so enemy from outside or from within can attack the country.

Twenty

This is a unique situation. I think I had written something, but it got erased. Or, I might have thought I have written, but I have not obviously written.
Twenty is the name given to this subject a little while ago. Little while? No, 2 years, one month and 19 days ago. By chance I saw it today (25.5.2012) and wanted to know what is Twenty. To my dismay I found that it was empty. Have I written earlier?... ok, ok, I have become an awful repeater. I was going through some old posts. I found that I have written some points today which I had written 2 years ago!
The reason is simple. The desire to have a bribe-free, povert-free, bad people-free world is very high. That made me repeat my words.
Yes, for twenty I don't know what I had written, but I will write something.
Vimshati means one fifth of hundred... that means twenty.
I believe God had given only 20 years of age to human beings. But he took 20 years of dog, 20 years of donkey and 20 years of monkey I believe. So, twenty does play an important role.
Nowadays we have Twenty-twenty over match in IPL. We also have a book by Chetan Bhagat 2020 Revolution.
Maximum number of fingers in hand should be 20.
So, twenty is a good number.

Iruvudellava biTTu!

There is a lovely poem written by Shree Gopala Krishna Adiga, a great writer in Kannada. The song is yaava mohana murali kareyitho .. the song has two lovely lines which appeal to me very much. In fact it summarizes the mentality of human nature. Iruvudellava bittu illadiruvudarede tudivude jeevana. What is available is not required. What is not available, is wanted. This want and the rejection form human tendency. If we have something good also,we need something else. We even are ready to lose this to get the other thing. What we don't understand is that if we do not find satisfaction in what we have or what we can get, we definitely will not find happiness or satisfaction in what we want.

It is like the golden deer Sita wanted in Ramayana. It would never come to us alive. By the time Rama catches it, it is dead.

Our desires are also like Mirages. We think it is oasis but alas, it won't be available at all.

But preaching is easy, practising is very difficult.

Well, that is life!!

'Story Board'

My nephew in law Ajay asked a simple question, 'how do you structure your novel?'

This led into a series of discussions. I showed him some of my scripts half done. Some story lines. Some of them are so small that they are in two small 2 square inch papers. From this I need to develop.

Somehow today Ajay rekindled my interest in writing. So I need to commence copying the story written in paper to the Laptop. Then I need to continue from where I have left.

This story writing is a funny thing. I can write in a place with a lot of noise. Never in a peaceful place.

I do not have commitment of 'weekly installment' like some of the Telugu writers. They used to handover the manuscript to the magazine rep on the day the mag used to go in for printing.

But I should be more organized.

Ajay was mentioning 'you have no right to stop writing.'

So I shall start seriously ASAP. May be from today!!!

Positive attitude

It was 1996. I had a bad fall in one of the sites where I was working. A heavy metal object weighing 2oo kg something fell on my left foot. May be for about 3 seconds. but the damage was done. I was told by the ortho that I had a ligament tear. I wore crepe bandage for 3 weeks.As luck would have it the chair on which I was sitting broke and I got hit at the same foot. So, my whole left leg was in plaster cast for three l...o...n...g weeks. Squatting, sitting and even sleeping is a tough thing at that time. but I was not keeping quiet. I sat on a stool and started writing a novel! It was called Gaathe (saga). It was an absurd novel. May be I had a twisted sense of humor at that time!

But the positive attitude of writing was there. The novel never falters anywhere as far as the narration is concerned. But the absurdity is the main thing.

Absurdity in a novel is acceptable. But if we have negative thoughts just because we are hurt or having some problem, then life becomes absurd.

What we have to do is, try to see anything and everything in a positive way.

It is not easy I tell you. But definitely not impossible.

Try!!!!

Mind's power

I was watching a movie today. Quite an old movie. It has one melodious song sung by Kishore da and Parveen Sultana. The story is not so good. I mean the narration is smooth. But with many quesions.

our mind try to analyze every thing we see, hear, observe and smell.

The hero is recognized by the heroine in the next birth and the sister of the hero during previous birth. But no one else recognize them though they keep bumping into each other.

The mind can't be so dumb.

But the director doesn't want to kill the story till the end!

So it goes on and on and on. Suddenly the DVD got stuck. I didn't know how the movie ends. I had to reload and again see the movie.

That is mind's power. It had decided that come what may, I have to watch the movie wholly.

But somehow the film became tame and tapered as it came to the end.

Probably that is why it did not taste high success.

I was talking about Kudrat and the immortal song Hume tumse pyar kitna yeh hum nahin jaante.

Aadat se majboor

I do not know the English equivalent for the above subject tag! We become slaves of our own habits? Is this something near ? For example, you think of getting a call from your spouse everyday at some specific time. If the calls continue like that for a week, we feel 'ok, we need to wait for this call'

Suppose one day the other person was busy in some other thing (a genuine thing), and could not call you, you had it!

You start thinking, Oh God, something must have happened! Otherwise by this time the call should have come.

We start thinking all horrible things happening to them. For all we know, the other person must have been busy in something else and may be not finding time at all.

So, we need to rationalize our thoughts. Ohho, today the other person must be busy and let me call myself. As luck would have it, the network would be down and we will not get the other person.

Even then we do not think that the same case may be for the other person.Well,that is human nature for you and this is aadat se majoor!!!

I am waiting for a mail from my young friend. It has not come since three days. I do hope everything is fine :))

My friend Narasimha

I must have met him in 1965? Yes, I think so. When I went to my Granny's brother's house, his house was next. I came to know he was also in the same class as I. When I joined Mahajana High School in Mysore, he came to my class. The year 1969. We used to meet everyday and I used to rush to his home during lunch hour because he was getting the famous children's Magazine Chandamama. On competition both of us used to read the mag. That was monthly. But there was a weekly Sudha. We were in High School with mixed feelings about many things. We used to read the serials in Sudha. I remember a serial about a film Director Dwa suparna where the first night scene was part of the serial! we were wondering what used to happen after the narration stopped in the serial!!!

We finished high school and I had to shift to Bangalore. I finished my 2nd PUC and searching for a seat for Engg course. I had not got it though I had 78% in PCMB. In the Director of Tech. Education's office I met Narasimha. He had come for a seat with some influential person. When that person used my name to get a seat for Narasimha who had lesser marks, they gave me the seat!

He did not get. He finished his BSc and joined I think Postal Dept. Then an Insurance Co. Now after so many years (now he is 53) he is a successful employee there.

He married in 1985 on this very day.

He has helped me a lot during my tough times. I wish him and his wife Shobha (a great girl) a very happy completion of 25 years of marriage. May they celebrate Golden Jubilee as well.

What heart says!

We always tend to listen to the heart. Because it tells (many times) impractical things but sweet things. The mind says all rational and practical and may be bitter things. So, we try to listen to the heart.

This leads to disasters many times. Because the voice of the heart could be dangerous also. The six deadly sins as per Hindus. Lust, Anger, Misery, Infatuation, Pride and Jealousy, are all heart's followers.

If we listen to our heart we may end up in hurting someone physically or mentally or emotionally or even economically.

Mind to be listened to when we need to take a firm decision. Listen to the heart and let the compassion flow when you see a blind beggar or a small poor child.

Then the mind could be curt. Heart would definitely think of helping the other needy person.

Am I right? Can I expect some comments please?

NO Subject

I have this colleague of mine who always calls me to have the effect of passive smoking! So instead of advising him not to smoke I end up inhaling the smoke!!

He is a workoholic I tell you. Today he had some urgent piece of work to deliver. My God! he did not come for lunch. He did not make me a passive smoker too!

I started wondering. But that is dedication.He is really hard working. If something is given to him to complete, he does not think of anything else except work.

Of course, he finally called me for a passive smoke!

When he finished the work and going in the cab, he called me to tell that he has finished his today's work.

Simply I like him very much for his dedication.

Frustration

When we try to pass a narrow road, if there is a vehicle blocking our way, we simply try to reverse and go to the more clear road.

But there are people who fight. Why?

I had been in a house in front of which there was a slum. The common water tap was in front of our home. All the ladies (and some men) used to come their to fill their buckets and pots.

Some time or the other, at least one of them used to start some conversation which was derogatory for someone else.

Lo behold! the fight ensues.

The way they used to abuse each other, we had to literally shut our (and our children's) ears.

Why they fight?

May be it is frustration. May be it is their way of pouring out their woes which they face somewhere else.

I don't know. But when I see two people whose vehicles just touch each other on the road, however busy they are, they stop to fight and it may even end up in death in the worst case.

The second most deadly sin is the anger.

Lord SriKrishna in Bhagavadgita, the Song of the Lord, always mentions Anger is very bad. Leave it.

Easy to tell, I tell you, very difficult to practise.

A new thought

If I can write anything, why not a story everyday? if not, at least why not a small portion of a big novel everyday?

This can be my outlet, emotional, literature and all.

There is one hitch though. All my thoughts are read by people. Thoughts ok, how about ideas?

If the ideas get percolated, will something be left for me?

Jokes apart, a thought struck me recently.

There was a strike somewhere in India. The strike was in protest of the terrorism which lurks in all corners of the nation. We are not even knowing what is brewing and where?

So, a group of youth were holding a banner in front of some minister's home which boldly displayed, 'The terrorists are not outside. they are inside' I think they meant the minister or his kin.

An idea struck me. can this be made into a novel or at least a short story?

Another Idea. There is election tomorrow in our area. A tabloid which published a derogatory article about one of the contestants has been thrown into all the houses of our area on the sly. We do not know who did that. But we could guess. Naturally by a set of people who does not like that contestant. May be he is popular. As I had mentioned earlier, either you can become great by doing great deeds, or you make the other guy bad by 'exposing' him.

Another Idea. Today seems to be full of ideas.

I had read somewhere, may be in a novel, that if there are a few rules for contesting in elections, which are mentioned below, then a lot of dirt would be removed from Indian politics' cesspool.

1. The contestant should not have gone to Jail or should not have any criminal case against him/her, not even once.

2. The contestant should be minimum a graduate.

3. The politicians should retire after 60.. no, let us give them 5 more years, 65?

4. No politician should bring his/her kith and kin to politics.

These laws would not be passed at all in our MP or MLA groups.

In case it passes, I think 75% of the candidates need to get out.

So, don't fear, such a thing would not even be thought off.

Another Idea.

All the literates should vote. They should not feel, even if we vote there won't be any difference, only thieves would emerge as winners. This feeling should not come to literates. they can make a difference if all vote.

There is a lovely story of Akbar/Birbal. Let me try to tell you tomorrow. Happy weekend.

How do you react to any situation?

The whole world won't love us. There would be some people who do not like us and vice versa.

How do you react when a person who doesn't like you abuses you?

There is a story of Gauthama Buddha. He was walking on the road and suddenly a person comes from nowhere and starts hurling abuses at Buddha. Buddha just smiled and making small sounds. The abuser wanted Buddha to react so that he can make his attacks worse. But Buddha did not give him a chance.

The abuser got tired of shouting and kept quiet.

Then Buddha asked 'son, you give a gift to someone and the other person doesn't accept it. What do you do during such a situation?'

'I shall carry it back with me'

Then Buddha smiled and told'I don't want your gift of abuses. you may take it back'

Buddha actually responded to the abuser. But he never reacted to his abuses.

Mother

Why only mother, even father or grand parents become like small kids once they cross some age. 70s, 80s...

Suddenly you find them making fuss, forgetting things (kids do not know what is forgetfulness).

asking for the same thing again and again.

Do you know what I think?

We should treat them like kids. they would listen to gentle words. They do not respond properly to harsh or rude words and tones.

When you treat them like small children you would find them listening to you properly. Just like small kids.

I think this is a small return we could give to our parents for all the trouble they have taken to make us this big. Don't you agree?

What a mess we would have created during our childhood! Those things would have been forgotten and we would have been treated very gently.

Let us try to take care of our aged parents with kids' gloves.

Amma

The word Amma means mother in some languages of Southern India. The comparison to the Pranava Om is done by many. A u m when you pronounce together, it is Amma. Mother in English, Mutter in German, Ammi in Urdu, Maa in Hindi and so on.

God could not be in many places, so he has created mother is another saying.

When a bad son goes to kill his mother, to please his girl friend. He brings her head on a plate to show it to his girlfriend. He trips and falls and the head asks ' are you hurt son?'

This is mother.

There could be any other relation which are duplicated. But no mother. She is one and only one.

I remember an incident. When I went to the USA, we were greeted by everyone who crossed us on the road. I made a comment, people on the road are greeted daily. But mother is greeted once a year on Mother's day! I did not mean any mean thing here. The mother is a strong entity in the USA. But in India, she is strong but she would be in the background.

Father for a girl

I have heard of Electra Complex. Have you? I believe the daughter has hero worship towards her father.

I was just teasing my wife Usha regarding her father's habit of throwing the cover of a tablet. I actually threw one and she was watching my action. I teased her 'your dad was throwing the tab cover like this'

'don't tell anything bad about my Father ' she immediately reacted.

I grinned and said 'I also loved your father. He was a great man' Yes, he passed away in 2001. Even today we remember some of his words and deeds.

There is a saying in Kannada ' to see someone's greatness, you have to see how many people attend his funeral'

My God, Even now I remember. On that day of 14th May 2001, when he passed away suddenly, not many people were told about his death except his kith and kin. The whole of the extension was at his home trying to catch the last glimpse.

They were uttering, murmuring 'Great man, he was very good man'

Isn't it great to have such nice words after death?

Many a times we say quite unkindly when a bad man dies 'Thank God he died. Good riddance of the bad rubbish'

Which is a better death scene?

Old aquaintances

I used to travel by cab to my earlier office. Later I got shifted to the Regional office and lost touch with the cab traveling fun!

It is really fun to be back! I used to travel with 3 women (age - I don't want to guess). I can't call them girls !! Each has a child each.

We talk all shop. We make fun of each other. We even speak about very serious subjects.

Ultimately it boils down to kids, their behavior, their way of living, the way they respond/react to us.

What is new?

When we were young, we were exposed to just the radio. now we have television, a very powerful medium.

Kids won't like to do what we tell them. they like to do what we do.

they are vocal about it. 'well, I saw you doing this. When I do the same thing, why blame me or scold me?'

That means, if you want your kid to do something, you better do it first!

Ramakrishna Paramahamsa was visited by a woman and a small boy. The mother said 'guruji, my boy eats a lot of jaggery. Please tell him not to eat too much' Ramakrisha jee told her to come next week. So faithfully the pair came the next week.

Ramakrishna jee told the boy ' please don't eat jaggery . it is not good for health'

The boy nodded affirmatively. The woman was flabbergasted. To tell this, why he took one week?

She asked the same thing.

Ramakrishna Paramahamsa replied 'Amma, I was also eating jaggery. Now I have left it since a week. So I was able to tell you son'

This is called commitment. When I can't do, I can't tell others. May be our parents were telling like this and we accepted though we didn't like it.

But today's kids can tell it in our face.

seventh pot of gold

This is a very happening now. Elections elections everywhere. housing societies, corporations and what not!

I was reading in the newspaper. Somebody has made a comment, the fatter the contestant, the more money he has. So don't vote for that person.

But come to think of it! If they have made enough money for their wife(wives!), kids (both legal and immoral!), relatives, their kith and kin, even then if they win elections later, don't you think they would help the needy. I mean would they not take up the 'social service'?

But there is a hitch. Desire is a never filling vessel.

A story I read in Chandamama (Wow, what a mag! let me talk about this some other time). A man gets 7 pots of gold. 6 of them are full. The seventh pot of gold is full to the brim. The person feels

'oh boy, if I can fill this, I shall have 7 pots 'full' of gold'

He starts filling it by selling things at home, his land everything. But it never gets filled. He goes mad and dies like a beggar.

Desire is always in the front. we all run behind it. It looks as if it is near like a mirage. But try to catch. It runs off further and further.

Comparison

We tend to compare everything in life.

He is more intelligent than the other. She is more beautiful than the other one.

So, the funny thing is that we try to compare ourselves with others for wrong things. Oh, he is richer than I. He has a more beautiful wife than me.

Isn't it sad?

I have two eyes compared to a blind man. Thank God! such a comparison should give us happiness. but no, we do not tend to do that. always the wrong one.

This leads to unnecessary sorrows. What is wrong if someone is richer? It could be his legacy. Or it could be hard earned. Do we know how much struggle he must have undergone to get there?

Please think over and let me know your views.

Honesty and Integrity

How do the words sound? I have seen these in the dictionary? I remember somewhere in my school days my teachers used to tell.

But now? Oh, no! I remember a saying 'No bad action is a crime until the person is caught red handed' Isn't it?

When you see Government servants (they may be officers, but they are by the people, of the people, for the people.Right?) amass crores of Rupees and hide in their houses, what do you think? Are they not hiding money belonging to the people? That doesn't mean that the money is people's. The same amount could be spent on building roads and giving all amenities to the public. But how do you think the higher up officials think so meanly? may be they think of their own kith and kin as 'people'!

But I have an MD who is a great man. When the words were being relegated to the dictionary, he has revived these words. Remember? otherwise, please see the subject title.

Today when I sent a note saying that these two are like the 'shruti' (sound done using a Tanpura) in a classical concert. the sound of this is not at all very audible to the audience who have come to enjoy the main singer's songs. But for the main singer, this is a must. without Shruti he / she cannot sing properly.

Honestly Shruti becomes integral part of concert. Like Dr. DVG's Vanasuma (forest flower) which loves to hide, but let its fragrance spread. The flower prays God to make its life useful like this.

Honesty and Integrity are like the shruti. There and not there.

Ethics v/s Efficiency

When you appoint a person as your assistant, what do you see in that person? Ethics or efficiency?

Touch question isn't it? but nowadays the thin line between ethics and unethics (!) is almost vanished.

I remember the novel I have written on this subject. One of the characters is very efficient, but unethical. The boss turns a blind eye to his unethical ways since he helped his boss in finding the house, in taking around his family etc., The other person is very straightforward but little less efficient.

The story goes on...

My thinking here is that a person who is ethical, if inefficient,there is a chance that that person would improve the efficiency. On the other hand an unethical person however efficient that person may be, there is always a little skepticism as far as that person is concerned.

Don't you agree with me? or do you have any other thinking regarding this subject?

A story

When I went to Oman, I wrote a small story in one of the local newspaper's Thursday Magazine. It was a readers' column where we could tell about any incident.

I wrote about a heart problem person who goes out walking since his scooter is out of order. He buys a book and keeps reading and walking. When he was on the down gradient suddenly a car comes down fast. A cyclist comes in the way of car and to avoid the cyclist the car swerves to the side where the hero is walking unaware that a car is behind him.

Suddenly the book flies off his hand and he falls down. The crowd comes to surround him and a guy who was a doctor in the crowd feels this person's pulse and declares him as 'dead'. Actually he says the person died of heart attack. There is no visible injury caused by the car.

The book which flew out of hand is lying on the road and the pages are moving making a noise due to the breeze.

Some one picks up the book and reads the title 'An art of dying'

How do you feel it is?

My Doddamma

She was born as the first one of a big family. My maternal grand father had 7 children. She was followed by 3 more sisters. Then 3 boys were born. My mother is actually the middle one.

My doddamma (Elder mum?) was just 13 year old when she got married. She married a 19 year old person. So, she was away from her parents' place very early.

She had 6l children. 2 sons and 4 daughters.

She saw a lot of pain in her life. Her eldest daughter died in a fire accident. One more daughter became a widow very early after a late marriage. Another daughter died due to some illness.

My doddappa, doddamma's husband died of mouth cancer.

Sorry, is it boring?

I am trying to see her life from her point of view.

With all these tragedies, she survived till yesterday. She was 87 recently.

She has almost not seen her childhood. ok, she has not been free during her teenage.

Recently before she fell ill, she used to hop between two of her sons and a daughter.

She had developed love for watching Tamil and Hindi TV Serials. In fact she was addicted.

What else she could do?

She was left alone in the house. The curse of modern life. The men and women of the house work outside. the kids go to colleges.

She was left alone and she was having friendship with all the TV serial Characters.

She suffered for about 6 months with some problem and she was hospitalized for 6 months.

Yesterday all her miseries have come to an end. (Even the miseries of people who were serving her).

May her soul rest in peace!

The title need to be addressed! In sanskrit Mana means heart. Do you listen to your mind or your heart? In which situation? When you need to take a rational decision, then the mind should be listened to. When the decision is emotional, then heart takes over the mind. but knowing the pros and cons of each decision. Never ever we should feel 'I should have taken the other decision'.

Today I went to my earlier job's place. The colleagues were very cordial. They know that I know that they miss me. But what to do? the show must go on.

The surprise was from one colleague who is always silent. I had sent a thank you note to all. He had replied! That he feels I am one of his favourites.

Talk about hidden friendships!

I have given the title as Mana Manthana. It is churning of mind and heart.
When Demons and Gods fought for Amruth, the heavenly nectar, the hill used by them to churn the ocean started slipping. Then Lord Narayana took the form of a huge tortoise and slid below the hill and held it properly for these two groups to bring out the nectar. the first thing that came out was haalahala meaning poison. Lord Shiva drank it and made things easy for the churners.
so, world would have both poison and nectar. The nectar would not come immediately. First the poison would come out.
Even in any discussion, the bad blood should flow out first. once the dirt gets cleared, we get a sweet result.