What's her mistake ? - 7

The oncologist looked sharply at her. But Nammu Aunty was looking somewhere else. He then looked at me and raised his eyebrows. I could only shrug my shoulders. He took his subscription pad and jotted something and said “Could you give this to my junior who is in the next room?”

I got up and walked out of the room. Nammu Aunty was still looking the blue sky with white clouds which were being seen through the window.

I went to the next room and handed over the sheet to the junior. The junior was a girl of about 24 years. May be she was an intern.

She read the paper and asked “What is this?”

I dumbly looked at her and read the paper given by the oncologist. I had the following words.

‘I want to speak with you alone about your Aunty. You better come back when she is sent for tests’

I grinned at the girl sheepishly and came back.

The Oncologist was giving some instructions to Nammu Aunty. She was listening to him attentively and nodding her head.

“Oh, you have come! Please take her to the lab and get all the tests I have mentioned. Few tests have to be conducted on the empty stomach. I suggest you come tomorrow” he said.

His tone was so firm that I too could only nod.

I took Nammu Aunty to the lab. At the doorstep she asked, “How much for these tests Sonny?”

I had no idea and said so.

“Do you know what I think? I don’t want to undergo all these tests. Whatever the God has destined is going to happen to me. When that is so, why go through these?” Nammu Aunty was mentioning it in a low tone.

“The same God has told that we should put our efforts and then leave the result to the God” the words came from behind us and we saw the oncologist standing there and talking.

Nammu Aunty had no other chance of talking and she went into the lab. The oncologist made me stand there only and he went inside.

After what seemed like an eternity, he came out and asked me “Come!” with such a command in his voice that I just followed him to his room.

He sat in his seat and I sat in the chair opposite.

“What is her relation with you?” He asked.

I said, I know her from my childhood. A kindly soul who used to feed me during my struggling days.

“Where is the family she was mentioning?”

I came out with the whole story. Her sons, the daughters-in-law, the daughter, the son-in-law, the grand children, the untimely sad demise of her husband.

He was listening to the whole thing with rapt attention.

“Ohho, she was telling the truth when she mentioned that she has a big family!” exclaimed the oncologist and then sat thinking for quite some time.

Finally he opened his eyes and said, “I want to you to do something....” he started and went on telling me what he wanted me to carry out.

I was not very comfortable. I still had no idea why the oncologist is asking all these details. But I had a feeling that he meant good of Nammu Aunty.

I went back to the lab. Nammu Aunty was waiting for the last test to be conducted.

After it was done, I took her home in an auto.

She said while getting down, “Do I have to undergo some more tests?”

“Yes Aunty. We have to get it done. You saw how the oncologist made his point clear?”

“All right then. I hope you don’t have problem in taking me tomorrow? If you have a problem, then I will go alone”

I told her that I can’t get leave. She has to go alone. I requested the auto driver to take her in the morning. After fixing the time of departure, I left in the auto to my home which was in the next road.

I told the auto driver not to take money from Aunty and I paid him in advance.

Taken care of that, I now wondered how to take forward the suggestion given by the oncologist.

What's her mistake ? - 6

The Oncological Institute was a huge complex. I entered with Nammu Aunty after two days. I did not tell  her. But I applied leave and took her.

On the way to the hospital she did not speak. Her face was as if it was made of stone. I could not understand what were her thoughts.

Is she feeling bad? Is she feeling sad? Is she regretting that she is not with at least one of her children? Or is she relieved that she is alone and she is not giving any trouble to any of her children?

Somehow I did not dare to ask. There is not much to ask as well.

I think I know Nammu Aunty. When uncle and herself were well enough they did not go to any of the children (or is it because they did not get invitation from any of the children?), I could not imagine that she would try to call one of her sons (daughter is too far, so at least  presently it is ruled out) and go to stay with them?

She has too much self-esteem to reach for her children herself. On the other hand, I never feel that her sons are so ‘bold’ and invite their mother against the wishes of their wives.

We walked along the corridors to reach the consultation room of the Oncologist suggested by the general physician.

I could see many people on the way. Some of them sad, some of them melancholic, some of them very despondent. Oh God! Is this the place where the human beings lose their hopes about life? Is it that cruel, this cancer?

Breast cancer, blood cancer, pancreas cancer, tongue cancer, lung cancer, intestinal cancer.. I do know what other cancers are lurking somewhere to jump on someone and make them lose hope, life in that order?

I stole a glace towards Nammu Aunty. Still there was no expression on her face, even after seeing so many patients, patiently waiting for the doctors (or are they awaiting the ultimate death?).

I tried to touch her right hand which was on the arm rest of the chair next to me. She smiled her the usual affectionate smile and slowly pushed my hand away.

‘Please let me battle with my cancer myself. I don’t need anyone’s compassion’ – is she saying that? I could not help wondering.

Finally our turn came. The oncologist was about 50 years and self-confidence was oozing out of his face. In fact, I somehow started feeling that he is going to cure Nammu Aunty’s cancer and she should be fine very shortly.

When we went inside and sat in front of him, I handed over the reports and the letter from the general physician.

I started building hopes that Nammu Aunty’s case need not be as worse as the general physician made out. After all he is not the authority (with due respects to his education and experience) as far as the cancer severity in Nammu Aunty and the curing process is concerned. After all, here we are, sitting in front of one of the best oncologists of India (this was also told by the general physician), awaiting his opinion about the reports.

In fact, my hopes of Nammu Aunty’s betterment started growing moment by moment. But the ears were all attention to listen to what he was about to say.

After what seemed an eternity, he looked at me and Nammu Aunty.

“Amma, who are all at your home?” was the first question he uttered.

It was a very pleasant voice. I could see Nammu Aunty suddenly being very attentive. It was a hypnotic voice which could make you forget the whole world.  He was even looking very good for his 50 years. Trim body, a frame which was not lean, but not thick too. Kind eyes, long nose, salt and pepper hair... he was a good looking doctor who could make the patient forget about his/her problems.

A very good attribute a doctor should have. Especially when dealing with a fatal disease like cancer.

“I have a big family doctor. I am doing fine” was Nammu Aunty’s reply.

I was stunned.

Why is she saying like that?

What's her mistake ? - 5

I got down the auto, paid the driver apologizing for cutting down my journey. He understood and left.

I went and knocked the door of Nammu Aunty’s house. I need not have worried. She had never bolted the door from inside. It is almost that she was waiting for me to come to meet with her!

I went and sat on the mat she had spread. She stood in front of me leaning on the opposite wall and looked at me enquiringly. That made me blurt out the whole thing in such a speed that she blinked at me, then smiled and sat next to me.

Her right hand patted my left cheek twice. She asked quietly, “Can you tell me slowly and clearly? I thought you have learnt a new language and never taught me!” and there was a twinkle in her eyes.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I could not stop crying. My stomach moved in and out and I tried hard to control.

Nammu Aunty is the closest of a mother for me. I always was proud of me thinking that I am very detached. I won’t get moved by anything in this world. I am like a rock.

But what am I doing? I broke down like a weakling in front of the person to whom I am not supposed to tell her present condition.

“Sonny, I have cancer. Is that what you are trying to avoid telling me?”

It hit me like nails driven into my skin.

She got up, got a tumbler of water and gave to me.

She sat again, this time in front of me.

“Let us not beat around the bush. Please let me know what is happening so that I will get mentally prepared”, her words were very crystal clear.

That was the moment it struck me! If there is any chance of a miraculous cure, it is now! We have to act fast so that we can save this nice lady!!

I told her that she has tongue cancer. She took it quite coolly. Too cool for my comfort! Is she shocked inside and trying to look calm?

“You spoke to a cancer specialist in the auto?”

I nodded my head and said “Oncologist”

“Ok then, make an appointment with the Onco...logist. But only when you are free”

I nodded and mentally made a check on which day is suitable out of the days given by the oncologist over phone.

I fixed the date once again speaking with the oncologist. It looked as if the general physician is a close friend of the oncologist.

“Will you drink some milk?” asked Nammu Aunty.

I said no. She looked at me affectionately and said “Come on Sunny. Just because you refuse to drink milk, I won’t be cured today itself. It takes time. Let the onco..logist ... oh, you did not teach this word to me sonny! I am unable to pronounce it properly” she laughed.

Her infectious laugh made me smile. Now I was feeling a little better.

“Nammu Aunty, I love the way you prepare rasam. Can I get a tumbler of rasam please? Haan, if you don’t have enough for the night, then I don’t want” I said categorically.

“I have enough, don’t worry” she said and gave me a glass of rasam.

Oh, it is so tasty! Who will give me such a rasam later? I cursed myself for thinking of a time when Nammu Aunty is no more.

May be the oncologist will find that there is a very easy way to cure Nammu Aunty. I am sure he will find out some method to make Nammu Aunty free of her problem.

He did help her, and not in any of the the ways I ever imagined!

What's her mistake ? - 4

It was not known suddenly.

I was watching her for quite some time. She was becoming thinner and thinner. As such she was not a heavy lady. I was always thinking that due to the less food she was consuming, she was looking thin. But the cheek bones became very prominent.

I forced her to come with me to the general physician. She was not at all ready. “Sonny, I am not eating properly. That is why I am like this. Do you know? My stomach has become so full that I don’t get hungry” she laughingly said.

I could see the worry in the eyes of the doctor. He made her sit in the waiting room and called me inside.

“Does she have any children? Is she with them?” asked the doctor removing his glasses and polishing it with his handkerchief.

“She has 3 sons and a daughter” I told.

“But she looks as if she has not been fed well. Is she not with any one of them?” he asked with a serious tone.

“Doctor saab! She is alone here....” I started and gave a brief sketch her life story.

The doctor was aghast. “What the children are thinking? Do we get the mother back once we lose? Leave out the daughter. May be she is having some problem. You say the sons are all well-educated and are in good jobs?” he asked.

I found that his voice was rising and I shushed him. I did not want Nammu Aunty to hear the words.

“But why should we hide the disease details from the patient herself? It is a gross injustice. She has to know. There is an old saying that the family things should be secretive, but the disease should be known. But nowadays people are doing exactly the opposite. They fight so loudly that the whole world would come to know about the family’s secrets. On the other hand they hide the disease and suffer more!” I was surprised by the long speech of doctor.

I decided to tell Nammu Aunty.

Doctor had something more to say. “Look! I did not have a mother ever since I was born. To see a mother suffering alone is making me feel sick. ”He stopped to take a short breath and continued. “I know an oncologist in the Oncological Institute. He was my classmate from my high school days to MBBS. He will take special care of your Aunty” He sat down and scribbled a few lines in his prescription pad and handed over to me. “Here, take this. Take her to the Institute. The doctor will tell you what to do next”

I thanked him and left with Nammu Aunty.

“What has happened to me? You spent so much time with the doctor?” asked Nammu Aunty when we got settled in an auto.

“Aunty, you have cancer. Tongue cancer”

She was looking at me with a question on her face.

Did she not hear what I told? I wondered.

Then I realized that I had never uttered those words. The doctor’s words were ringing in my ears. I knew I had to tell her. But I found that my tongue had gone dry.

“I think he wants a second opinion Aunty. He asked me to take you to another doctor. I will take you tomorrow. What time is suitable for you?”

She smiled. What a beautiful smile! The whole bag of affection was being poured on me, I felt. I too, am a loner. I do not have a father or mother. Both of them are dead and gone long ago.

“My dear sonny, you are the one who has to go for work. You have applied leave today and come to take me to the doctor. So, you tell me when you want to take me?” she asked. I told a suitable time for which she agreed.

Her place was nearing.

I looked up the mobile number of the oncologist and told in very little words about what the general physician has told. I was hoping against hope that Nammu Aunty was not able to understand since I was speaking in English.

The auto stopped near her house. She got down the auto.

She just looked at me and went towards her house without a word.

At that moment, it struck me.

Nammu Aunty had learnt English from me a few months ago!!

What's her mistake ? - 3

I felt very bad for Nammu Aunty because she was very fond of her children. For that matter, she loves any child she meets. When it comes to her daughter, she is a little partial! Once When I teased her, her reply was “Look sonny, sons are with me. But my daughter is so away from me. Even if she was in India, I would have loved her more because she is now part of some other family”

So, this led to the worst situation.

When the son in law lost the job, the daughter naturally called her mother. Nammu Aunty, who has a soft corner for any one in trouble, took the decision of helping her daughter. She sent her savings which was quite a big amount.

This was known to the sons because she tried to get money from her three sons. She implored her sons to help their sister. But she should have known earlier itself. The sons had become puppets in their wives hands. They declined to shell out their money. Of course, the reasons for not giving money were quite different. It projected as if they were helpless and could not help their sister.

Nammu Aunty did the next best thing. She asked her husband who told, “What is the money’s worth, if it can’t help our daughter who is in dire need of money?”

So, the money went to the daughter and Nammu Aunty earned the wrath of her sons.

Now, Nammu Aunty and uncle had nothing. The jewels had long ago gone. Now the savings. The couple became literally broke.

Adding insult to injury is the accidental death of Nammu Aunty’s husband. This was a very big setback in her life. She had no money. No place to go. She was asked to vacate the rented house they were living.
I took the onus of caller her sons asking about their mother's stay with them. The third son told on behalf of his elder brothers that they can't take their mother immediately. May be next year. or when they have more space when they shift etc., I need not call the other two brothers because the reply will be the same etc.,
This put Nammu Aunty in a fix. I felt very sad that I could not keep her with me. I was in a room and there were 3 more people with whom I was sharing the room.

She said “Don’t bother” and packed her things.

Her husband’s brother’s son who performed the last rites gave her a place to stay. He had a house which had a small room and an attached bath.

Nammu Aunty did not hesitate to start living there. I visited her in her new place.

She seemed to be very happy. Actually, it was not a great place. She had a room which was about 10 feet by 12 feet and a toilet cum bathroom. She had set her kitchen at one end of the room.

I felt very bad and expressed so. “What is wrong with this sonny? See, I have a kitchen in which I prepare rice and rasam. I get quarter liter milk. I use to make buttermilk. I have a nice washing line outside the house. I don’t have any big number of clothes. I am fine. My husband’s brother’s son is very helpful. He does not want any money from me for this” said Nammu Aunty smiling.

I did not have the heart to tell her that I was paying that guy monthly rent. I had strictly warned him to say that it is free for her.

Well, it went on for some months. I was really feeling very bad. How can people be so bad? Especially the sons who owe her the loan of affection? She does not actually demand it. But does she not have a right to be with her sons? It is almost like the Western culture. There I believe the kids won’t stay with the mother. Mother is an epitome of strength.

Here we have a mother who is so fragile and craving for her sons. But they do not want her. I have a question for the daughters in law. Don’t they have a mother each? Will they treat their mothers like that?

But Nammu Aunty did not seem to bother about her discomforts. But the fate had another cruel attack on her.

She was diagnosed with cancer!

What's her mistake ? - 2

It was a pathetic scene to watch. But somehow Nammu Aunty took courage. She braved to speak to her children. I helped her in getting connected to her children. Funnily, each one of them said that they have some meeting, urgent work and not being able to move due to illness. The daughter was very eager to come, but she had the problem of some bomb scare and the flights being cancelled. The ultimate result was that none of Nammu Aunty’s children turned up. It was uncle’s elder brother’s son (whose mother had passed away) who did the last rites.

When someone questioned about her children’s absence, Nammu Aunty defended, “They all were very eager to come. But they all had problems. It is not like my husband was ill and was counting his last days. Then we could have told all the children to come for seeing his face. But now they have genuine problems. So why blame the poor kids?”

But I came to know from the third son who was close to me during school days that all the sons had invented some bunkum stories not to attend the funeral. I started wondering, ‘Did they not like their father? Is that why they did not make it?’ I do not know how he became close to me and he became distant from me after his marriage. But he found me as the medium to express his real feelings. I was almost like a punching bag for him.

The three sons were close to each other. Though their wives did not like each other very much, they were united when it came to treating of their in-laws.

I later came to know the bitter truth. Since your father has not done anything to us, why go? Anyway his favorite daughter is there. Is she not the one who took away all the jewels of your mother? – These words were in some form or the other by the daughters in law.

I know how the marriage of Nammu Aunty’s daughter took place. The marriage was very simple. The boy was also a very friendly person. He insisted that he does not want any money from the girl’s side. But uncle was keen to have a big reception. Everything was going smoothly. Out of the blue, the boy’s elder brother, who was expected to attend the wedding from Chennai, came in with blood oozing out of his head. It was a horrible scene to watch. He was pursued by 2 rowdies. They wanted some big amount of money immediately. To save his other son, the boy’s father was desperate. Nammu Aunty, who was a mute witness to the whole scene removed all her jewels and tied them in  a small towel and handed over to the boy’s father. The thank you look on the boy’s father told Nammu Aunty that she did not make any mistake.

But the mistake had been committed from the point of view of the daughters in law. They all had come to the wedding. The three girls started cursing their mother in law and the hatred grew as the time passed.

They restricted their husbands from contacting their parents. There was no communication for quite some time. Nammu Aunty was feeling bad whenever she got news that she got a new grandchild. The three sons behaved like cowards. Their argument was, wives and kids are their future. Why go to the past and spoil the future?

Nammu Aunty and uncle were not happy. But they still tried to believe that the sons are too busy to meet with them all, though in the heart of hearts they knew their kids have deserted them.

But daughter was not like that, was their satisfaction.

But suddenly, there came a bolt from the blue. The son in law became jobless in the USA.

Daughter was in doldrums. Nammu Aunty took a hard decision to take care of her daughter’s plight.

This led to more distance from her sons!

What's her mistake? - 1

Whenever I see her I wonder. What does she has to live in this world? Please don’t get me wrong. I am not here to advocate about suicide of single persons! Then at least world’s  33% population would be reduced.

I was only referring to the loneliness that woman is facing. I call her Nammu Aunty.  Being alone is different and loneliness is an entirely different animal. Many people love to have solitude.  They would rather stay alone than being among people. But Nammu Aunty is different. She was in a family full of people. She, her husband, 3 sons and a daughter. That was once upon a time.

First shock she got was when her husband passed away. All her children were married before the death of her husband.

She stays near my home. Her first son is in Rourkela Steel Plant. The second is in Jaisalmer. The third is in Chennai. The daughter is in the USA.

As long as her husband was alive she was fine. He took good care of her. The daughters-in-law, somehow, avoided inviting their father in law and mother in law to their homes. The husbands were so henpecked that they did not bother to overrule  their wives’ wishes! (They were afraid of their respective wives could be a better way of saying this!)

The daughter is affectionate. But the husband is not keen on having his in laws at his home in the US of A. The reason was simple. They did not have a great life.  Being in America does not mean that the life would be great. (I came to know this through a common friend and I did not have the heart to tell it to Nammu Aunty)

If life is so simple and happy, it is not called life! Right? Out of the blue, Nammu Aunty faced a mammoth problem.

Nammu Aunty’s husband was not sick. He was fit as a fiddle for his 65 years. He was getting pension from the Government.  He was fond of a tree planted outside his house but inside his compound wall. 

He had told me one day, “Look, the owner of the house has planted a neem tree in front of the house and has even built a small ledge around it. The air is very healthy. So, l sit here and read newspaper from the Masthead to the last word on the last page”

“But uncle, when you have your own house, you could have a tree like this” was my reply.

He laughed and said “I have 4 children. I have given them the education. I got them good spouses. Can’t they take care of us during our old age? After all it is their duty”

Nammu Aunty added her words “See, he thinks as if he has given loan to them and they have to repay is what he thinks”

But the same neem tree became the death trap for Nammu Aunty’s husband. As usual he was reading the newspaper sitting on the ledge in front of the neem tree. The next door neighbour was rebuilding his house.  Uncle was so engrossed in the newspaper that he did not see a lorry full of bricks. The lorry driver could not control the lorry while reversing it. The lorry came very fast inside the compound of Nammu Aunty’s house breaking the compound. He could not stop it even then. The backdoor of the lorry suddenly opened and the bricks started falling. Uncle had got up in a hurry.  But being panicky  he was too shocked to move. He was smashed between the neem tree and the lorry ; the bricks fell in him with such a force that he died instantly there itself.