A new thinking

Shy away from bad things. A new thinking? No. This is age old people say. but now the thin line between good and bad is totally wiped off. Unless you are caught, you are not a culprit. I do keep repeating a sentence. doing things right when no one is watching. It is a sentence always puts me in a good position. i do not think twice to say this because, when our kids become old enough, we may not be there. Even if we are there, they may not listen to our words. So, when time comes, whenever time is available, keep on hammering this into children's minds. I wish all the nursery and primary school teachers think of this as one of the lessons. because the days to come look quite bleak. There is a saying. If you can't build future to the children, better build them to the future. It is also true. But that doesn't mean that we could teach them all bad things. They anyway learn it from their friends. I remember my daughter's early schooling days. One girl used to hit my daughter and being timid she never used to complain. when it became unbearable, she told us and we complained to the teacher. When teacher questioned her, the girl defiantly said I shall hit. The teacher gave her one or two beatings using a scale. What the girl would have told? I will tell my father to bring one lorry full of people and hit you!

A new thinking

Shy away from bad things. A new thinking? No. This is age old people say. but now the thin line between good and bad is totally wiped off. Unless you are caught, you are not a culprit. I do keep repeating a sentence. doing things right when no one is watching. It is a sentence always puts me in a good position. i do not think twice to say this because, when our kids become old enough, we may not be there. Even if we are there, they may not listen to our words. So, when time comes, whenever time is available, keep on hammering this into children's minds. I wish all the nursery and primary school teachers think of this as one of the lessons. because the days to come looks quite bleak.

Back pain

Mothers would have lifted us so many times when we were not able to move or walk. She would have put us on her waist and did the daily chores as well. The time passes. The kids become big and mature (!). The mother tells them or advises them and the kids cry 'oh mum, I am 40 year old or even more. I do not need your advice today' But she continues because it is her blood. Any day the kids are kids for her. Even the father decides that the kids are big enough. But not mother. When she becomes old and she can't move. The son/daughter tries to give her a bath. To give her bath, you have to move her. She is now afraid that she may fall. (It is very difficult to think such a strong mother is so weak today) So she stiffens her body and you need all your strength to put her on the wheel chair. What is the result? you will be left with back pain. you can't move. who knows? the back might have got damaged beyond repairs for the son's/daughter's lifetime. How does one react at such times? I do not know. I have a very bad back ache now. I am putting a lot of effort to sit in front of the pc to record the incident. I do hope it is a temporary catch and it leaves me. suppose it does not? should I curse my mother? or curse my luck? or was it my fate which decided to put me under this torture?

Mano Dharma

Attitude is the nearest word in English for Mano Dharma. The mano dharma is used in carnatic classical music also. Each singer has a mano dharma. He/she end any song in a specific style. In fact you could feel the difference in the same song sung in different styles. Some singers are bookish. They don't even allow one swara (note) to go out of place. In fact you admire the way they sing. So perfect. But as a connoisseur of music, if you have real good ears, you feel something is missing. The notation of Bhakti. Take for example one and only M S Subbulakshmi Amma. She sings and others also sing the same songs. But there is a small difference, in fact it makes a big difference. The song has that lilt of others, but also an ocean of devotion along with the song. If she is singing about Subrahmanya or Narayana or could be any of the devi, you feel as if that particular God would and enjoy her singing. She is like that. The melody is one thing. But the devotion is outstanding. No wonder even today when she sings Rangapura vihara I mean the recording, even today gives me goose bumps when she sings sankata harana govinda venkata ramana mukunda. Only when she finishes rendering it three times, I shall move on. Till then my ears are 'stuck' to her rendering. Great singers are born rarely.

Mother's plight

Everyday I could write about my mother. She is trying to get up and run!!!! but the weak legs are not allowing her to even stand up. So unfortunate. I keep teasing her, cajoling her so that she gets some 'pep' from my talk and she tries to get up. But no chance, at least as of now. Today there is hope again walked into our home in the form of Dr. Chandrashekar. He is an Ayurvedic doctor. He seems to have 'read' my mother's condition and has given quite a big chunk of hope that 'everything would be alright. Are we all not hopeless hopefuls? There is a saying, if wishes were horses.. fears are liars. wishes, yes, they are there only to keep us alive. We keep on wishing for something or the other the whole of our life in lieu of which the life is meaningless. we need to move on with hopes over hopes. If they become true, be happy. But if they do not become true, then you are not going to be disappointed. Change the hope and keep on living. The show must go on. When we see things like the kid of 15 years committed suicide because the marks got in the exams was very less and there was a failure. Well, is this the end of the world? the parents should teach the kids how to live and how to live tough. Instead they think of the 'words' they have to listen to from the neighbours. Well, are our lives only worth that?

Never speak ill of others

So easy to say. but very difficult to follow. Because we have so many prejudices, preformed opinions, so many bad words heard about the person. Unfortunately if a good thing is told about a person it does not get publicity. But the bad words get bad publicity and in what a scale! It is unbelievable. It spreads like wild fire and it does not get extinguished fast. So, ill speaking of others is very easy. But let us avoid it. If someone has intentionally or unintentionally bad mouthed us, let us forgive them. If we also bad mouth them, what is the difference between us and them? Somewhere we need to have a difference. Let us be true to ourselves. Suppose someone's words totally spoils our career, jeopardizes the chance of getting higher salary or increment... still pardon them for they don't know what they are doing. That is what God says. please do not ill talk of others. it does not take us anywhere. It is destined to happen, perhaps. Or may be the person deserves only that though the person desires for more. But I tell you, it is very difficult. I was reading in a book that some people start their day thinking how do I harass such and such a person today. It means the harassment idea is always there. Only there would be variety of harassing. But accept that. Vaadiraja swamy has told, There is no better penance than patience/tolerance. Let us be patient and tolerant and let the world do whatever they want to us. Let us face the world.

Amma's situation

I can't tell anyone but I need to tell someone. Thanks to you blogger.com! I am able to express my views and mail it to you! My Amma or mother has become so weak that I feel like crying when I see her every time. She was one of the most strongest women I have ever met. But today when I see her helplessly sleeping and watching all of us, I feel like boo hoo ing. But can we help it? My brother in law who had recently undergone such a situation was trying to pacify me saying that now, all you have to do is to look after her well till she passes away. Actually he did not use these words, but I drew inference from his words. He sent her a wheel chair. Today I had get a 24/7 nurse to look after her after all the circus of our maid, 2 nurse maids and my wife as well looking after her turn by turn. But there comes a time when we have to take such a decision and today I took it. Many things got done today since I applied leave. But still I feel... is that all? Is this what all children have to undergo? if this is so, I do not want to live forever. I want to get out of this world when my organs fail me especially limbs or eyes. I think being deaf could be okay. but still not ok since I love to listen to music. Let us see what is in store for us. Till I go to such a stage, let me at least do all things what I want to do.

Down and out

Somehow today I am feeling down and out. May be it is physical may be it is psychological. I would not know. What do you do at such times? I would love to know. I am thinking about my mother who is totally bedridden. Is she the reason for my down feeling? She was such a bubbly character moving around so much I used to tease her that my age is 40 and yours is just 25! She was like that. Going to various functions two days before and organizing things. A natural leader. Today she tries that sleeping. It irritates all. I get irritated for some other reason. Why she is lying like that on bed? why not she walk? She says her knees are buckled. Is this a curse all of us have to undergo? The elders succumbing to various problems in front of our eyes? is there no remedy for that? I remember one of my aunts who came to see my mum said, when/if I reach that stage I shall ask for Euthanasia or mercy killing. is it proper to think that way? My mom is full of zest even now.She keeps tab of everything in the house, everyone in home. Many times the concern is annoying, but sometimes it is good too when she remembers somethings which we ought to remember and obviously we have forgotten! Well, no avail. the Show must go on.

Tenacity

My colleague is a very tenacious person when it comes to work. He just forgets his lunch (well, he forgets that he has a stomach!!)and keeps on working. He won't answer you straight when a question is thrown at him. I tease him about that. He admits when he is free that he is like that when it is work and work. I tell him that you need not go to canteen for food. You could munch an apple or chew a chocolate. No avail! He doesn't care about food when it is work. I called him Tenacious. Yes, tenacity is positive stubbornness. When some one is such a tenacious person, they come up in life. Of course, if they are working for someone, that someone need to recognize the fire in his belly and take him up in the organization. He not only works, he feels bad when his colleagues do not deliver along with him. He is keen to take his own colleagues when they too deliver. I am proud of such a colleague. I always try to be away from him when he is working like frenzy. If he is 'free', he could be the naughtiest guy around. If he takes up his own job, I mean if he decides to be his own boss, he will excel. This is for sure. I always take his example when I try to tell someone else how one should work. One should emulate him regarding work. This is a great thing to share with you. We need to be like him - positive stubbornness- tenacity.

Plan

Plan in life, otherwise gone are we. This I am experiencing. The plan becomes an absolute necessity in one's life. I remember seeing movies Hindi, English and even in other languages, the bank robbery movies, the assassination plots. The people who are doing these 'bad' jobs do a great planning. The plan would be foolproof. The result would be good or bad depending on whether the hero is planning or the villain is planning. If villain is planning, and if there is a hero who is trying to catch the villain, the villain is bound to fail. Last moment, the very last moment someone or the other would come in the way the plan goes for a toss. If the hero is the planner, the robbery or the assassination would be 100% successful. I have seen movies where the hero kills and then repents in the end. But here we are talking about planning. Please do plan the decade, then the years, the months, the days and even the hours of the day. Then you will realize about the seriousness of planning. They say 'each execution is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration' But the inspiration or plan has to be pucca. If not, the work would suffer. I have been talking to my colleague. She was mentioning about the people who write down their plan and stare at the words every day would succeed than the ones who mentally plan. So, write and succeed please.

New way of connecting

There were times when we used to lose connection with our old friends / classmates due to sheer communication gap. We had just post cards for communication. If the father has a transfer and especially if it is All India Transfer, we had it. We never used to meet with our old friends. Now we have so many ways. email, blogging, linking and what not! I remember once when I was trying to contact a friend of mine, when I went to Delhi I went on calling the companies in Delhi where he might have taken up a job. But I could never get him. One day when I was telling that I was in google due to my novels, I suddenly felt I could even find him. So, I googled him. No, I could not get him. But when I tried his wife, who was also my colleague, I got her address. But alas! she had left that company. But with little hope, I asked the telephone operator what is my colleague's new no. She gave. I called her. She said yes, she was in Kirloskar earlier. Did she remember a Yathiraj. She said of course. I said it is me. She literally screamed in my ears!! She was so thrilled to speak with me. As luck would have it, I went to Chennai and I went to her home. She was so happy to see me and so was her hubby who is my close friend. I had food with them and then they dropped me back. It was a great feeling.

Age

Some people never age. I have seen one actress who acted in a serial during Doordarshan days. She was looking same even after 15 years! How's that possible? Is age connected with mental attitude? If some one feels they are young, though not young age wise, would they look young? I would dare to say yes. The actress is a perfect example. Very recently I saw her in an add for a woman's inner ware where the 'up liftment of the downtrodden(!)' takes place!!! There was one youth who actually falls for her when she was going out with a much younger and more attractive girl! The ad was not in very good taste for Indian culture. But the idea of that lady who should be pushing fifty now being pursued by younger men is very ubiquitous. May the age gets 'stuck' after sometime especially the women's age. Or is it an attitude? There is this Kannada actress who should be wrong side of sixty now who used to say till about 20 years that her age is 'stuck' at 16. What a dare! To tell the world that she is just 16. But it takes guts and attitude. If someone is young at heart they won't feel that they are old. I for example. I am pushing to 53. But I am very young and all my friends are below 40! In fact, I hardly have 2 friends for 40 and 30 years who are nearer to my age. But all others think that I am not a single day older than 36!

Why pick on me?

I am a good worker. I know that. I always earn my salary. I never try to waste my time. If I am not doing anything official, I shall spend that time for self learning. But I have some people around me who try to pick me. Rather prick me with a pin. The pain would be there. But there is no bloodshed. It hurts. That is important. But the people are thick skinned. They get fun out of teasing me. They make my life miserable by pulling my leg. They do all sorts of things to instigate me. They insinuate a lot of things about my work. They try to bad mouth me. Still I am surviving because I have faith in the unknown power who is holding my hand and leading me through all this rut. But can it continue for this long? The boss believes the words carried by the colleagues. I have no voice as far as defending myself is concerned. Why should I defend? For what I have to defend? I have not made any mistake! The boss always thinks of some or the other plan to needle me. I don't know what the boss gets out of teasing me or trying to needle me. I do not get intimidated easily. I shall see what next is being planned to make me miserable. I shall wait and wait. I am sure I shall get an opportunity to get even with all of them. But I don't want to hurt anyone. This is the dilemma. But a question. Why pick on me? Is it because I am soft?

Touching the heart

I think it was 1970 when there was a movie of Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore came. Amar Prem is the name. There is one scene in the end when RK tells Vinod Mehra 'go, time has come to repay the love's loan' Sorry the translation is not very proper. But that scene every time makes my saliva get swallowed by my throat. Rather something suddenly comes inside my throat. That is the success of that movie. I was 13 when I saw first time. Another time my kids had gone to some relative's home for holidays. They were also very small then. We, myself and my wife saw it without any distractions. We were moved again. Again I saw it on TV and it never fails to move every time. The other movie was My name is Khan. Not that it has some great story. Some where some how it touches you some where.

Kannada also has some movies like that. Every time they do the trick. I know that the scene would come. but still it moves me.

Touching the heart is something great. I have seen some people going on making tears fall down their cheeks. Funnily they don't cry when such a thing or even a near thing happens in their lives!!

Goal in life

Today my colleague put me into a fix. She actually was trying to help me to tell the truth!The question was simple. But the answer and the commitment was not impossible, but difficult. She only asked me what is my long term goal.I was keen to talk about my personal short term goal. Very simple to say actually! (hey am I using actually very many times?) I told her I would complete a 'period' novel in Kannada which I started (hold your breath) 8 years ago! Isn't it a shame? I have not completed a novel since 8 years. Not that it is a magnum opus. But the theme is good. Generally I see everything in a twisted way. I am cynical, skeptical etc., In fact, I call one of my character as Karunakara which means he is full of compassion. But he is a cruel, crude police Inspector. So, the novel which I commenced so long ago, may take shape because I am committed to myself now! I do hope I shall have the conviction, courage and inclination to take it forward. Funnily the whole story is in my brain. But it has come get written on paper I mean typed in my PC. Wish me luck since I need a lot of it. Having a talent is one thing, but exposing it in the right way at the right time is very important. I do hope I shall do that this year at least before year end.

Old games

Some of the games we played in our young age is not even known to today's kids. Funnily they are not even interested to know. When you say, "I was playing this game". Pat comes the reply "so?". So, your enthu to even explain further gets fizzled out. That is the way the cookie crumbles is one of the expressions James Hadley Chase uses quite often. In fact, there is a novel in that name too!

There was a game called Gultoria. We make one guy victim. He/she has to pluck about 100 leaves from 'bell flower plant'

The others have to hide. The victim has to search for the others. The first one to be found is the victim next time.

The other is 'I spy' Here the victim has to count one to hundred.

The others hide. When this victim searches for the others, the others can come and touch the counting post (generally a wall!) and hits that place, the victim has to search all over again. Some days my kids played this game.

There are many more. Let me take through them some other time.

Heart talk

We socialize with so many people. Each finds someone or the other as a confidant. We try to pour our hearts to these chosen people. Many times the deepest secret would be shared with someone who is not our kith or kin, but a totally socially different person. We feel that our secret would be safe with them. This is a typical human nature.
If that person keeps your secret you are safe. But if you find that your secret is 'leaked' then you had it! you would be under double disadvantage. One - your most inner secret is out. Two - you have to find another 'soul'to pour your feelings!! Isn't it a difficult situation?
But there are people who are being considered as their close friends by many people. It may so happen that two of the most 'hating each other' pair may become your close friend. That is when you need to walk on a tight rope. Your talk should ensure that you are not hurting any one of these two. Both may tell some bad things on each other.
You have to be very balanced in these situations.
I am sure each one of you would have undergone such a 'torture'. Well, seriously it is not a torture. but definitely the mind gets messy. Instead we have to make it sharper so that we don't utter some uncomplimentary things on the two of our confidants who don't like each other!!!!